Girlfriend is shunned by coworkers. What advice would you give?

Question

She is a receptionist for a small private company. She complains that several female coworkers treat her like garbage. She is the youngest and prettiest, doesn't have kids, and is the newest person there. Another receptionist (been there 2 weeks longer) is included in lunches and after work activities, but my girlfriend is not. When she goes to lunch, she is asked to bring other people lunch, but she is never brought lunch. I work in a much more professional office where everyone is important and valuable, and everyone is nice to one another. It pains me to see my gf have to deal with these people.

Answer 1

As a woman, I think the previous response about her dressing like a tramp is moronic. Women are catty. If she makes a big deal about it, they say, "see, we knew she was a spoiled b*tch." She needs to be as nice as she can to the rest of them even though it's very difficult and if that doesn't work after a while, I'd ask one of them if there was something I'd done to offend them, even though I knew I hadn't. When people are called on acting like idiots in a nice way alot of times they'll straighten up.

Answer 2

Do her bosses treat her the same as her co-workers? If bosses and co-workers treat her the same, there may be a problem with your GF that you are unaware. I would suggest your GF keep a smile on her face, do her work to the best of her abilities, and even 'try' to be friends with them. She can walk up to them with a smile on her face and say "hey ladies, where are we having lunch today?" She shouldn't wait to be asked. People who want to make friends walk right up to people and get involved. Maybe your GF is acting shy? If so, she needs to learn to be more self-confident about herself. She must learn to be self-confident on her own, no one can do it for her. If your GF tries this different approach and what I've suggested still doesn't work ... then if it bothers her really bad I'd say it's time to move on to another job. But think about this... and I'm not trying to be a meanie here, because there comes a time when we have to face reality. We just can't keep changing jobs every few months. Therefore, if she does move on to another job and begins telling you this same story all over again, you may need to face the reality it is probably not the people at work, but the way your GF presents herself to others.

By the way, how do you know she is the youngest and prettiest? She has told you this? I hope this is not so, because if she is coming across as conceited at work and full of herself, this could definitely be the cause of your GF's problems. What I'm hoping you meant by that is that you went there yourself for some reason, and saw the other women and decided she was the youngest and prettiest. If she has told you this herself, then there lies the problem.

I hope this all works out for her and you both have a long, happy life together.

Answer 3

I went through the same thing when I started at my new job at a credit union. My female co-workers were rude and mean to me but not to the other girl who was hired the same day! They invited her to events outside of work but not me. I am also the youngest. Sometimes I would come home crying because of how they treated me. They would email each other saying nasty things for no reason. She can't really do anything to change their attitudes but she can just make friends with the guys (she doesnt have to go to lunch with them). That's what I did, and when they found out how the other girls were treating me they did something about it, they told my manager and she even fired one girl! It certainly is not worth it if she has to dread going to work everyday (like I used to). If her co-workers don't change, then for her own well being, she should find another job. She deserves to be treated right.

Answer 4

Assuming that your gf presents & conducts herself in a professional manner: I would 1st advise that she should approach the women with a open & warm attitude, they could be intimidated by her. If that does not work go the direct approach and flat out ask (in a non offensive manner): Have I done something to offend you (fill in the blank) because I've noticed (fill in the blank)? Hopefully that will sqwash it. But it could be they are just mean bitchy women and if that is the case she just needs to remember this is a job not social club. Yes it sucks but why would she want to be friends with people like that any ways? Unless it was mentioned that was one of her "tasks" when she was hired there is NO WAY I would get their lunches!

Answer 5

Thats a tough one. We spend so much time at work that its hard to justify staying somewhere that you are just going to be miserable. I've had some crappy coworkers in the past and I have to say that women can be really catty. She can speak to someone in the human resources department to try to mediate the situation but sometimes that makes a situation worse. There is a law that prohibits whats called a "hostile work environment" but its tough to prove so if she decides to pursue legal action make sure she documents EVERYTHING. I used a pocket tape recorder once when dealing with a creep of a boss and when it went to court (his fraud trial) I was glad I had done that. I'm not sure what her financial situation is but it may be more prudent to check out other jobs. Good luck to you guys.

Answer 6

Send her some flowers at work with a large card and hand written inside. Pick her up for lunch as a surprise not all on the same day necessarily. I think she'll like that. Make sure you haven't done anything wrong first, naturally she'll be suspicious. So tell her it's just because she's a great gal and nice to be with.

Answer 7

There could be more to the story than the one you're given. Its often we can be blind to our own faults - and your girlfriend is no exception.

If she is genuinely kind, perhaps they read her as snobby. We say "don't judge a book by it's cover" but we end up doing it anyway.

I might suggest you tell your friend they are just being human. If she wants to be accepted by these snobs (if there is not more to the story she's giving you) - she may have to go the extra measure and offer "OCCASIONALLY" to do them a favor. This could break down barriers OR may run the risk of them taking advantage of her.

I somehow get the feeling however, there is more going on there than she will tell you. I could be wrong, but I rarely am in matters like this.

Answer 8

Hmm. My recommendation would be to simply change jobs.

As a courtesy, she might want to talk with the boss & tell why she's looking for another job, but that's unlikely to help. After all, we're all entitled to choose our own friends, and the boss doesn't have the power to force anyone to like your girlfriend.

If your coworkers suck, there usually isn't much you can do about it aside from changing jobs. If that isn't an option in her situation, she might consider talking to these coworkers in private, saying that she feels she's being treated with disrespect and it really bothers her. The other women don't have to like her, but they should have to treat her respectfully.

Answer 9

She needs to find another job. Sometimes the grief isn't worth the paycheck. Being youngest and prettiest has nothing to do with it.

Answer 10

It's tough to work with women, because we are cliqueish and jealous and even snobby. Make sure she doesn't let these people affect her sense of well-being.
I have always had this issue with women in the work place, to the point of being passed over for promotions because of another's insecurity and jealousness.
Tell her to keep her chin up, and just smile serenely at them.