How do I get my husband to help around the house with out sounding like a *itch?

Question

How doea a woman ask often enough to remind with out crossing the line into Nag? If I don't remind him it is MY FAULT it did not get done. If I remind him I an a NAG and now he won't do it.

Answer 1

I'm still trying to figure it out...LOL I know just what you're saying . We ask them to do it they yell stop nagging we don't ask them and they say I didn't know you wanted me too. You should of reminded me

Answer 2

The way I start nagging when I clean......is that I start telling my husband that my back is killing me.......and I start acting like everytime I bend down to clean that my back is killing me. Eventually he gives into it......and if he dosent .......then I start nagging. Listen they got married and they knew that once marriage took off.....the nagging would come in. Dont worry about it....He should not feel nagged about helping out with the duties. Just be glad that he has a wife that cares enough to keep a clean home.

Answer 3

The first thing you should do is remind him marriage takes work from BOTH partners involved, it's not just a one way thing. I'm thinking both of you have jobs, so what I suggest you do is sit down with him and work out a schedule both of you could work with. Then reward him for his efforts. But most importantly, I suggest you go see a marriage counselor before you do anything else. I hope my answer helps, good luck to both of you.

Answer 4

Don't remind him, if you notice that something is not done that he said he would do, just ask him when he is going to get to it? My husband and I have done team work from the moment we moved in together, like at dinner, I cook, he cleans, etc. We don't have specific duties to do, its all a mutual thing, If all else fails, set up a counseling visit so you have a mediator there to help!

Answer 5

I always get away with this one. When I had it and I am overworked, I tell my husband in a baby's voice that my back hurts and I need help. He will then argue with me about lifting heavy stuff and in the end he will continue to do all the work for the rest of the week. Sometimes I feel guilty but hey he pees on the toilet seat not me!!!

Answer 6

Ask him with the words Will you.

For example...Will you (or would you) take the trash out for me please? I would really appreciate it.

then when he does it, look him in the eyes and say, I appreciate that so much.

When you ask with will you or would you, you're giving him a choice, so it's not like your demanding it. Show your appreciation to him afterwards.

Men need to feel appreciated. If you do this enough, he will start doing it without you asking.

It works, try it. Before you start asking for specifics, complement him on what he already does. If he pays the bills, say, Honey you do such a good job at keeping our bills paid (or whatever he does well) and really mean it. It will make him feel loved and you will feel better because he's responding to you.

We women need attention, but men do too. Try it.

Answer 7

Remember- you are speaking 'female' and he is native 'male' speaker. A lot of things do not translate right between the sexes.

Women tend to miscommunicate with guys, and somehow it has become our fault- WE are supposed to figure this out and adapt, but a lot of us are just not good at it.

You are supposed to be the communicating, sensitive folk, so doesn't it make more sense for you to learn how to talk to us Neanderthals?

So, my own "Guide to Getting The Guy To Help" is this:

1. What do you want him to do? Why?

- OK, I understand that you want the slug to help out. So, are you just asking him to do the stuff you don't want to do, stuff at random, what you feel is 1/2 of the work (or so), or stuff that he is actually good at?

- It will ALWAYS work better to ask the guy to do stuff he likes doing, or stuff that you can con him into thinking you are asking him to do because he is just so dang good at it. Convince a guy he is the KING of laundry, and he'll do it for life.

- Warning: One sure way to KILL a guy's interest in a job is to have him do it, then nit-pick the things he did 'wrong'. OK- if he is putting the reds in with the whites in hot water, help teach him the right way. But if he is just folding stuff differently than you would- but it works OK- then leave him alone! Nothing kills the spark to help faster than hearing the spouse say "well, you know, this goes here, and this goes over here, and why can't you remember that this is treated like this...?" If you have to have things that precise, don't give that job to others!

2.) Plainly ask him to help. Offer him choices if possible, but just plain say something like "Honey, would you do the dishes tonight?" rather than using 'female talk' approaches.

- Another 'help killer' is expecting him to work at your timetable. Asking him to do dishes and expecting him to jump right up is just plain dumb. If you need it done by a certain time, then let him know- clearly and give him a 'why' that makes sense. Otherwise, it is fair to ask him to help, then ask him if there is a time he'd like a reminder. "Sure, ask me after the game" means he is perfectly willing to help, but will probably forget, please assist his memory by reminding him at this time.

3.) Reward your guy. Women seem to be rewarded by the glow of a job well done. Guys don't usually get this- at least not from these jobs. The best reward would be something along the lines of letting him know how arousing it is when the house is clean and the jobs are done- and how turned on you get when he helps out. Follow-through is important here! Yeah, a big dish of ice cream usually works as well, but you'll get better long-term results from a more primordial reward system.

4.) Understand a key truth. In the back of our primitive little minds, we really believe that women are supposed to do all the 'home and hearth' work while we rest up for the next big tribal hunt. You can tell us over and over that this is not how it is anymore, and overnight our brains get reprogrammed back to this mode. We may not even LIKE thinking this way- we get guilty hearing you washing dishes while we are drinking our beer in the living room. (We really wish you'd do it more quietly so it did not bother us so much- but most of us have learned to not actually SAY that! See- we CAN learn!)

- Take pity on us and treat us kind of like a beloved but slightly senile pet dog. Reward ANY good behaviors with pats and treats. Treat bad behaviors quickly and then move on. Deal with the occasional mess with understanding that it was not intentional, but be ready to put some sort of program in place if it keeps happening.

Answer 8

I think this is a philosophy question or should be. You could just do it yourself, but that's not very fair. Bargaining or bartering sometimes works. Make a list? Start a job jar but rig it so that he only pulls the things you really want done. How about hire a Handy man.

Answer 9

Prepare a honey do list with a smiley face and a thank you at the end of it.

Sounds like you two might use a marriage counselor. Try that next.

If he does not begin working on it, go see your divorce lawyer. Get a good one. Document all the harmful or irresponsible things he has ever done, and have that ready.

Answer 10

Two words- House man ; the interpretation of husband! That means mister, you need to pull your own weight around here! My rule- see a chore,do it! Expecting others to cover for you is lazy! So she cooks better, so what! Father caveman did not wait for the Mrs to hunt/kill then drag it home for him to clean/cook... oh no, they worked as a team or they both starved!
Get the picture? Belly-achin' don't cut it! git R done!