Ok this is the problem I've been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now and I'm starting to feel as if I want more out of this relationship, more that it doesn't seem he wants to give. What's strange is that he really wants kids right now but he's scared of marriage. I already talked to him about this. I told him that I felt it was time for more and that if he was not ready that it was ok but if he couldn't give me what I'm looking for then it's best we part ways. I know I might sound pushy but I think I've waited long enough, 4 years is a long time plus I feel I deserve more then what he's willing to give. The problem is that he won't listen to me, he doesn't want to do do what I'm asking him for and he doesn't stay away. I don't know what else to do, I broke up with him but he still comes around and he wants to stick around. What should I do?
2006-09-28 06:01:10 · 20 answers · asked by JEJEMMY♥♥ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Last time he came around I was not opening the door so he climbed in through the window, I told him to leave but he didn't want to, he ended up sleeping on the couch. Trust me guys I put my foot down and ignore him but he still wants to stick around.
And I do keep myself busy, I work 9-5 but usually get home around 7-8 at night and I don't bother him at all.
2006-09-28 06:19:48 · update #1
Honestly, you are doing the right thing. But give him a little bit of time to put his thinking cap on.
He might decide that he does want you. But it might take a little soul searching.
If he doesn't get with the program you need to have a full break and move on. He might never come around and then you end up an old maid.
2006-09-28 06:31:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
JAY JAY, SOUNDS like a lovers quarrel there for sure. Stick to your guns tell him it's over and let him know that it is IF IT REALLY IS. YOU MUST KNOW THAT IT is before... you can tell him Prayer works great try that on for size too.I wouldn't keep on having sexual relations cause it sounds like you want to be but not and maybe that one part ought to be especially SINCE YOU ARE NOT MARRIED AND IF YOU WERE TO HAVE A CHILD WITH him he can take OFF AND LEAVE YOU JUST WHENEVER AND THEN..... THERE YOU WOULD BE PREGNANT AND NO HELP RIGHT ? !! I don't think you could get or claim child support for a child when you are not married unless you could afford to put some money up front for a "D N A " test to prove his the father and there has been no other men in your life and HE WILL TRY TO PROVE OTHERWISE, I am sure.soooooooooooo i say wait for the right man to come around that WANTS YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE AND NOT JUST WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR HIM AT THE TIME AND THEN LEAVE . THAT'S WHAT I WOULD WANT . something that's lasting and lasting for YEARS TO COME DON'T SHORT CHANGE YOURSELF LIKE THAT. YOU SHOULD WANT A GUY THAT WANTS TO STICK FOR THE LONG HAUL NOT JUST ONCE AND AWHILE RIGHT ?! I HOPE SO !!
2006-09-28 06:14:45 · answer #2 · answered by dixieprayerlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand what is it you are going throught, it's funny because just yesterday my man and I of 6 years just started talking about children and marriage just last night. We had a really good talk and come to the conclusion that we are still not ready for that kind of commitment yet. And we both agree on this.
And well, what I'm trying to say is: I think you have to sit him down and tell him straight out what it is you want out of your relationship. You have to let him know that this is really important to you, because if he's not on the same page as you are then you are just wasting your time. If he cares and loves you, then there really should not be a problem. Anyways, I hope all works out for you and good luck in the long run.
2006-09-28 06:14:30 · answer #3 · answered by Janine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having kids is 10000 times more commitment than marriage. I think he has his priorities messed up. First comes LOVE, THEN comes marriage.......then the kids. Why have kids if you have no matrimonial commitment?
Believe me, if he was the one carrying a baby for 10 months then giving birth, he wouldn't have any interest in that either. With no marriage, he could disappear when he finds out that kids are too much work, and you would have no legal recourse.
You DO deserve more. There are men who would fight to give you what you deserve. Don't have a child out of wedlock. It'll ruin your life, and make it harder to find a guy who will give you what you want.
2006-09-28 06:06:29 · answer #4 · answered by gg 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I definitely think it's better is a kid's parents are married but, I don't think that now is the time for you two to have kids. He can't commit to marriage. I think he has no idea of how huge a commitment children are. It makes marriage seem like nothing. I wouldn't rush into anything with him. Tell him to quit coming around. If you really don't want him then tell him he's stalking you and there a laws against that.
2006-09-28 06:06:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he not realize that having kids is a bigger and tougher committment than marriage? Sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too.
You don't have to open the door for him to come in your house. Tell him firmly to leave and not to come back. If you keep repeating this over and over, he will give up.
Why waste more time on him. Find someone who wants the same things out of life as you.
2006-09-28 06:08:16 · answer #6 · answered by moekittykitty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it is obviouse that he still cares for you if you say he is still sticking around....especially if he wants to have kids with you. Now adays there are many families that are formed, living well, and everything is ok........except that the parents are not married. Catch my drift? Just keep your mind open. If he is a great guy like you say he is.....and all that is missing is that piece of paper....then maybe you should just keep going with this relationship. Good luck on your quest for happiness!
2006-09-28 06:18:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing it right, MY GOD, dont have kids until you are married, and DONT get married if he doesnt want it. Its not wrong for him to not want to marry you, you just need to know what he is planning. Why should it be up to him if you get married, that is making your life decisions for YOU, its a team effort, not just one person making the decisions here. If he doesnt want it then get out of it and keep looking for the person that has the same wants and goals as you do, and IF you are still avaliable, maybe it will prevail in the future, but until then, dont let him choose what happens in YOUR life, that is only your choice. Good Luck and best wishes for finding the right person for you!
2006-09-28 06:13:27 · answer #8 · answered by dnmhbk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not pushy. After 4 years of waiting, you're long overdue for more committment. If you don't want him around, you have to clearly state that; if he doesn't get it - call the police and get a restraining order: it's called harrassment.
2006-09-28 06:15:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a little more firm. Tell him ,if you don't stay away and let me find someone who will give me the things I want in life,I might have to take some sort of action against him,or something.
2006-09-28 06:06:55 · answer #10 · answered by moontreefairy76 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋