Should she do most of the housework since she makes less then he does?

Question

My friend and her husband both work. He has a 40 hour a week stressful corporate job and makes $85,000 plus bonuses. She works four days a week, 32 hours in the medical field and makes $40,000. Her job is fairly stress freeThey do not have children, just a dog. They agreeded when they first got married that he would care for everything outside the home and she would care for everything inside the home. He has since hired a gardener to care for their lawn. She is stuck doing all of the house cleaning, cooking, laundrey, and caring for their dog. He thinks this is fair because she has one extra day off a week and contributes less to the home financially. But, she is beginning to feel overwhelmed by this. She has tried talking to him, but he stands his ground. My questions is not, what should she do. My question is, should she have to do all of the house work since she works less and contributes less?

Answer 1

This should have nothing to do with how much they make, but the time they each have to spend doing chores. She has one extra day each week, so she should be willing to take on the bulk of the chores. He, however, does need to contribute something. Hiring help doesn't count. He should be doing something around the house to help. It's not like he works 7 days a week with no time off, he can do things on the weekends if nothing else.

If it were me, I would stand my ground. If talking didn't help, I would stop taking care of his things until he realizes that his wife is not his maid. Maybe leave his dirty clothes in the hamper, and let him wash them himself. Cook meals only for myself, and nothing for him. If one room of the house is for his use mainly (like he's got his own bathroom, or a workroom) then I would stop cleaning it. That should wake him up. When he's gotten tired of it, then I would have a second talk about what he can do to pitch in. And then I would make a chore list so he knows what is expected of him, and what I am not going to do.

If he didn't start pitching in more, then I would ask for marital counseling. Marriage is a partnership. You both have to carry your equal share of responsibilities or it will turn sour.

Answer 2

Just because she makes less money doesn't mean she contributes less. Every job is stressful. I think it would be fair to say that maybe on the extra day off she could do a little extra but that she should do more because she makes less money NO WAY. Its a partnership and things should be split as evenly as possible.If he only works 40 hours it seems reasonable that he could do some of the work. If she feels stressed she should take a break. He can't make her do anything. She is in charge of herself. She needs to talk to him and tell him that its to much for her to handle alone. Sounds like he is selfish. Maybe she should hire a maid for the house a couple of times a week and take her laundry to the dry cleaners. When the bills start to pile up then maybe he will see that he can do a little more than he thought. If he doesn't say anything about the maids or cleaners than she can have more time for herself.

Answer 3

Working 32 hours is a full time job, perhaps she should hire someone to clean the house twice a week and each person does there own laundry. This way she can cook and will not need to care for the 2 dogs. It is a well known fact that to relieve stress one needs to do something instead of sitting down and not doing anything which may cause more stress...

Answer 4

She has a low stress job and three days a week off. People with kids have a much higher stress load, I agree with the husband she can handle it. They don't have kids so the housework can't be that crazy unless the dogs are out of control.

Now what is good for the hubby (hired a landscaper), is good for the wife (she can hire a housekeeper to do the main cleaning once a month).

Answer 5

I'm saying yes. I don't think how much they make matters. But there are several reasons:

1) She has the extra day off per week
2) She might become a Stay At Home Mom or Stay At Home Housewife someday, so she should start getting used to this
3) The Gardener is needed because you cant do lawn work at night. Housework (inside) can be done anytime of the day.

Answer 6

I make twice what my boyfriend does, but when he was working a very labor-intensive job I tried to do all of the cooking, cleaning, etc. because I love him and knew that he was tired when he came home. But you know what? HE wouldn't let me do all the work because he said that I worked too, so it wasn't fair that I did all the work at home too. Now that he has a desk job, we split the chores a little more equally, but the bottom line is that when you love each other you don't worry about little things like that - you go out of your way to make the other person's life easier.

Answer 7

I would say that she should do the house work.
(But, this is only my opinion).

When I got married, we had the same agreement. I would take care of the outside and she would take care of the inside.
Of course, my wife was a "stay at home Mom" and that made a huge difference.

Now being retired, I help out as much as I can.

If she has an extra day off, she should be able to do the house in "one day"...Besides, unless they are "total slobs", how much can two people "dirty" up a house???!!!

The Dog isnt going to do "that" much damage, unless its not house trained.

I wish you well..

Jesse

Answer 8

bmo, marriage is an union. Things differ between each one. There is never a 50/50 split in responsibilities, the couple should try and complement each other. If she feels that she is getting the 'short' end of the deal, then it her responsibility to speak out about this. Money should never come into play when it comes to whom does what in a marriage. Personally, I clean the house, he cooks most of the meals, I do the laundry, he is my handyman for household repairs, and we as a team raise our children, but then again, this is my husband and I, not the couple in this case. They need to talk about it so that they (as a partnership) can resolve it.

Answer 9

My husband have the division too. He is outside, I am inside. However, if I need help with something inside, all I have to do is ask. I help him outside too. A relationship is give and take and not based on how much money each person makes or who's job is less stressful. She could always withhold sex or better yet, hire a maid. They obviously have enough money.

Answer 10

I think t the answer for this should be a BIG FAT NO, ON BOTH PARTIES they should help each other with the house chores and that's the way it should , talking to each other over the issue sometimes helps too. TELL HER TO TRY IT AND TO KEEP ON TRYING. To let him know that it's hard to work at home and at a regular job too and still have little or no help. Hope it works for her . I HAVE BEEN TRYING THIS SITUATION FOR yrs as a grandmother and it does pay off after time literally it wil work after time of which she will need alot of to work with him and their home and make sure she tells him that IT'S THEIR HOME AND NOT JUST HERS OR HIS BUT BOTH OKAY.