My ex is getting served papers today for full custody and I am soooooo scared....I understand (logically) that if he tries something, he can be in trouble. I am just wondering if there is anyone else out there that feels or has felt this way? I am a nervous wreck, shaking, clammy palms, and I am watching the clock to see when it is getting close to him getting off of work and being there when it is served.......he is going to be livid. I cannot get a protective order unless, he makes threats, what if that is too late?
2006-09-28 04:45:22 · 13 answers · asked by NolaDawn 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
thanks everyone so far on the answers, is there anyone who has been through this? My hubby works second shift and will not be home tonight and my little girl is sick so I have to stay home......I do not have any family in this state.......my friends all have children and they won't bring their kids over because my daughter is sick.......I guess my question is not really a question, just a plea for support.
2006-09-28 05:00:40 · update #1
I guess I was a bit vague....we share custody 1/2 and 1/2 phys. and legal. I am requesting for full custody to be given to me.
2006-09-28 05:05:59 · update #2
Been there & done that! I was inan abusive relationship. Just take extra steps to make sure you & yours are safe. Call the school - let them know whats going on & ask them to call you if he shows up to try to take the kids ect. Let your neighbors know to help keep an eye on you & your house. If your ex doesn't work for the police _ you can call them & ask for extra patrol in your area. Hope this helped. Good luck! You & yours will be in my thoughts.
2006-09-28 04:57:16 · answer #1 · answered by Stephanie G 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've been through it. I'm going through it right now. I have filed for divorce, and I also knew he would flip out, so I got a restraining order too (filing for full legal/physical custody of the kids also).
I got a letter yesterday from the Sheriff's office saying that he had been served the restraining order papers last Friday at 6pm.
I am a nervous wreck ALL OF THE TIME. He found out I was divorcing him AND getting a restraining order all in the same day.
He is very possessive and obsessive about me. He has already told me numerous times that without me and the kids, he has nothing to lose, and will kill the person I become involved with. He also told me not to try to play the game of who can hurt who more, because I will lose.
My mom is a nervous wreck about it. My dad bought me a knife to carry in my purse and is thinking I need to get a gun. My friend is telling me to add some pepper spray to the list.
And yes, you can get one. Has he EVER threatened you? It isn't just based on right this moment. If there has EVER been reason or incident, you can apply for one. SOmething tells me that you must have reason to think this......or else you wouldn't be afraid.
I don't know where you are, but I'm in California. And here, it doesn't take a present tense situation to get one.
It's kind of too late, and if your child is sick you won't be able to sit in a court building all day (cause the papers are THICK and it does take a few hours to get the whole process done, and approved.)
Just keep your phone with you, and keep a cell phone in your pocket. (I LIVE with mine, I actually have TWO.) I guess just wait and see if he calls, or comes by. Obviously don't let him in.....but, if he calls and flips out........then you will have a CURRENT incident to add to the restraining order. But DEFINETELY go get one. It will give you peace of mind. Mine did for me.
I know it isn't 100%, but knowing that if I see him, and call the police, he is going TO JAIL makes me feel alot better than letting something HAPPEN and THEN (hopefully) calling the cops later.
2006-09-28 05:17:03 · answer #2 · answered by lilac b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh Sweetie,
I know what you're going through. It's tough. Good grief, just reading your question brought back all the feelings I felt. It's physically painful isn't it? It'll be okay. Try to be calm. Keep the phone with you if you're afraid. I actually dialed 911 on my phone and hung up before it rang just so I all I had to do was press redial if he came to the house. Try taking a hot bath to relax you. If you have a friend you can IM that helps take your mind off of it and keeps your hands busy. (Helps with the shaky hands) Or if you need to, you can talk about it on IM with someone. Maybe you could go to a friends house or a family members house. If you're a Christian, pray for strength and serenity. You're not alone. Wish I could do more for ya. Good luck.
2006-09-28 04:57:46 · answer #3 · answered by andi b 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-01 11:19:18 · answer #4 · answered by cosco 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your grumpiness after reading this. I'm just try to add some humor to peoples lives. Sorry if my humor rubs you the wrong way. I hope that your custody dispute works out for you, it is a difficult thing to be sure. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Have a great day & eternity!
Excelsior!
2006-09-28 08:05:16 · answer #5 · answered by Sausage Fingers™ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have someone with you when he gets served -- someone old enough to be a legal witness if something goes south. Document EVERYTHING ... every conversation (tape-record, if possible), keep every letter / IM / email / page, keep a list of how many times he drives by your house. If possible, don't leave home without a "witness" with you. Get a cell phone and keep it with you & charged at all times to use in case of an emergency -- you feeling uncomfortable or threatened is an emergency.
Abuse comes in many forms and not all of it can be traced by a paper-trail like physical abuse. I know because I was financially and emotionally abused by my ex, and the court wouldn't / couldn't do squat for me. Even today, he still tries to sexually harrass emotionally abuse me now we're divorced ... 5 years down the road. I document EVERYTHING, and one of these days he'll step over the line and then his *** is mine. :)
2006-09-28 04:53:11 · answer #6 · answered by kc_warpaint 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Get som1 to com n stay wid u 4 a while.U shudnt b scared those r ur kids!Keep the fone near u @ol tymes,any sign of trouble call da cops!
2006-09-28 04:55:12 · answer #7 · answered by soft heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt exactly the same way, when I had my X served with divorce papers. Once served, he made all kindsa threats. But did nothing.....Except use a few choice ugly hurtful words. And my inner peace that followed was unbelieveable.
Not completely knowing your situation, it could be different.
In any case, please be careful.
2006-09-28 05:16:31 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're scared of this, go live with a friend or family for a while.
Always be with somebody.
Take a long vacation to another country perhaps and relax...
Good luck
2006-09-28 04:51:01 · answer #9 · answered by fespinal4444 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
can you take the kids overnight and stay at a friends house or maybe your parents? Tell a trusted 3rd party of your fears in case anything happens. Good luck!
2006-09-28 04:48:42 · answer #10 · answered by mimi22 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋