I have another son, 5 with new marriage. We've been together fro 6.5 years now. My son is now a teenager and hates him. I've been told to choose my son or my husband?
2006-09-28 04:39:06 · 42 answers · asked by hialeahstyle 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My husband is a great man. Disciplinarian. I didn't bring up my kid with so many rules very relaxed (My bad). My son speaks his mind and doesn't agree. That's disrespectful. Ur supposed to do as ur told. He took off to grandma's for a year. My mother is now too old to take care of a teen so he's back with me and my b-friend/husband and 5 year boy.
My son's father is locked up and has never been a part of my sons life. No child support. I don't speak bad of him (My X) and I don't expect him to ever pay support. My X can see his son whenever he wants but doesn't.my son has visited his dad in jail and said he rather wait till he gets out. Didn't like it at all. My son doesn't want me to get back with my his dad. He realizes that he a Jerk and he won't treat me right.
Now since I couldn't handle the pressure I moved out to a small apt. w my son. I see my husband and younger boy every day. My husband and I r still in love we are hoping he leaves for college soon.
2006-09-29 03:35:17 · update #1
I would try going to counseling with your son and then with the three of you, son, husband and yourself. Your son's world has been torn apart and may be projecting/blaming that on your new husband. Or, your new husband may be over bearing and trying to be your son's disciplinarian. Hubby needs to back off and let you discipline your son for now. But, I'd still look into counseling. Sometime it takes a third party to help everyone sort out all the issues and the feelings behind them. Good Luck!
2006-09-28 04:50:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Though it is not clear who is laying down the ultimatum, you cannot be held hostage by either your son, or your husband. It is quite typical for there to be some competition between the two, especially from the youngster. Freud would have called it the Oedipus Complex, but it is what it is.
The key is for the two of them to build a relationship, but the 15 year-old does not seem too open to this. Therapy might help, if he was willing to go, and you could afford it.
The only other thing you can do, is make sure you show your son some good, loving attention, focusing on quality time alone with him, doing the things he likes. But do not allow yourself to be manipulated, and make sure he understands that if he loves you, he will allow you to love who you choose to, and not make demands that you sacrifice things important to you, that get YOUR emotional needs met. Or, he may very well do the same thing with the next man in your life--if you let him force this one out of the picture. Do not give him that much power...it is not good for you OR him!
Yes, blood runs thicker than water, but you should not have to make a choice such as this. I hope your husband is supportive in all this. Keep in mind, your son will probably outgrow this attitude, but it will be hard in the meantime.
Good Luck, Be Strong, and for the sake of his future wife, do not let your son so fully run your life!
2006-09-28 06:05:33 · answer #2 · answered by Howie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess the question would be is he a good step-dad to your son. Also, your son will eventually be gone. Like within the next couple of years, to college or on his own.
So you need to prepare for life once he leaves the nest. Children are selfish about their parents and he might see some things you don't. So bear that in mind also.
Also where is his dad? IF the biological father is not around he might be bearing resentment to your new husband about his father not being around.
I think unless there is some abusive situation going on it should be a salvagable situation.
Look into some counseling. You shouldn't be required to make a choice between them unless all attempts have been exhausted.
2006-09-28 04:47:48 · answer #3 · answered by goldenlifev 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In the bible it says to put your spouse first. You need to have a healthy marital relationship so you can set a good example for your children and family. Your child comes second. If it was your son who wants you to choose let him know that you refuse to choose no matter what and your husband is not going anywhere!! You are the adult and you make the decisions, not a silly teen. Your son should want you to be happy. If it was your husband who told you to choose, then maybe your son is so emotionally abusive that the situation is too stressful and unhealthy for your husband, send the son to live with the other parent for a while. Stress kills!
2006-09-28 04:51:09 · answer #4 · answered by tulsawhite 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You never want to make your son feel as if though he is second best. But you do have to remember that your son will grow older and move out and you don't want to be left alone if you really love your husband and your son try to find some common ground that interest both of them and see if you can get them to do something together. Explain to your son that you love him with all your heart and let him know that he was first before your husband and and that when he gets older he will fall in love and just explain that he will see how it is as he gets older but right now he is 14 and can't think like that and is just thinking about his own feelings which every 14yr does. Like I said just don't make him feel as though you choose your husband first over him or you will lose him!
2006-09-28 04:46:33 · answer #5 · answered by lala_chic2003 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through this right now!! It's difficult isn't it? I know I'm not going with the general consensus here, but someday your son is going to grow up, move away, and find his own spouse and you're going to be there alone if you don't choose to keep your husband. Not only that, but it wouldn't be at all fair to your younger son who would have to loose the opportunity to be with his dad. I personally opted to allow my son to go live with his real father. I have a 2 year old daughter with his "step father" and since he's a wonderful husband and a great father I couldn't make any sense out of making her live without him. So, that's what I did and why. I hope it's helpful to you.
2006-09-28 05:25:05 · answer #6 · answered by andi b 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who told you that. That's just crazy, You have choices but that particular choice should only be made if all else fails, you have to remember that you have another child with this man, what about that child, what about you and your happiness.
You did not say whether your teenager has always hated his step dad or if this is a new or recent occurrence, he may be rebelling because he is a teenager, maybe you all need to go to family counseling, they are experts in getting kids to open up as to what is bothering them, they can also help your family cope with co existing together.
I am really sorry that this is happened to your family, but be strong and get some help and hopefully things will get better.
2006-09-28 04:47:06 · answer #7 · answered by Joy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
But why does he hate his stepfather? Does he have valid reason to do so? If your 14 year old is simply rebelling, then he needs to be the one to make an adjustment. You can assure him of your love for him but wake him up to his selfishness. The world cant revolve around him. You love your other son and your husband just as much as you love your 14 year old.
However, if your husband is a prat, then by all means, dump the jerk and start a new life with your kids alone.
2006-09-28 04:45:20 · answer #8 · answered by Muffin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most teenagers hate their parents, step or otherwise, at least according to them they hate their parents. You did not give any reasonings why your son hates his stepfather. I would have to say first things first, you need to sit down with your son and have a long serious talk. Really listen to him, avoid at all costs a yelling and screaming match. Then if his problems go deeper than a talk between you can handle I suggest for the sake of preserving family you seek a good family councilor who can be understanding and point out all viewpoints of your situation not only to your son but to you and your husband as well.
2006-09-28 04:51:38 · answer #9 · answered by Joye K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not right that your forced to choose! Do you know the reasons your son "hates" step daddy? IF not, find out! It maybe something you need to look into.
Our children are important in our lives, but we also desire to be happy. If there's a problem the 3 of you can't work on together, please seek counseling. Tearing your own heart out for 2 different ones you love is hard, and may just hurt YOU in the end.
Talk with both, all 3 of you talk.
Good luck
2006-09-28 04:45:10 · answer #10 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋