Do you mind pooing at work or do you hold it in until you get to the comfort of your own home?

Answer 1

I only poo at work. Gives me extra time to sleep in the morning and I am getting paid for it. I usually calculate how much I earnt for each sh*t. Sometimes it's like £1, not a bad way to make a living.

Answer 2

Well, if you must... be sure to do it safely...

How to Poop at Work :

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

CROP DUSTING
When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

Answer 3

I am far more comfortable in the office. I share a house with 11 cats, 9 dogs, 3 chickens, a goat and 9 illegal immigrants. The toilet had to be relocated to the kitchen (to make sleeping space upstairs) and it's almost impossible to take a dump without someone trying to make Baklova...

Work is peaceful in comparison... I drive a Bus for a living and I have found that most passengers are very understanding of my situation

Answer 4

I always try to hold it until I get home kind of like the character in the movie American Pie. Our bathrooms at work are disgusting (boogers on walls, toilet paper everywhere, water around sink) and never smell like anyone cleans them. Home offers cozy surroundings, reading material, and nobody in a stall next to you playing with the cell phone or you know what.

Sometimes you just have to go at work though.

Answer 5

In my younger years I used to have a real problem with pooping in public toilets, work, other peoples toilets etc, but now old age has set in I just don't care any more. I do try and find a quiet loo at work, or wait until everyone has left before I come out of the cubicle. Don't you find it funny when somene else has clearly visited the loo for the same reason and you both try and outstay each other in your respective cubicles so you don't have to bump into each other at the wash basins! Hee hee

Answer 6

I would rather go home..but if I can't..then I go to a bathroom that I know doesn't get much traffic. And I do what I call "flushers"..are soon as you go an it drops in the water or if you know you are about to be finish..flush the toilet......when you wipe yourself..drop in the paper and flush. No smell no worries!! :-) Also..if there is spray..I usually spray BEFORE I go into the stall. Or there have been times that I bring in a strong smelling lotion and I put some on while I am on the toilet! Of course washing my hands after I finish and then reapplying the lotion!!

Answer 7

I only poo at home. This subject once came up on a drunken night out with work and it seems that most women poo at home and men poo at work. If a woman walks into a toilet that smells like someone has done a poo she immediately tells all her friends and they ***** about who the guilty person could be.

Men just **** anywhere!!!

Answer 8

As a qualified anthropologist (a human biologist no less) I'm officially saying that we should all poo away whenever we get the urge, at home or at work - not in your pants though, do find a toilet first. Holding it in is bad for you.

Answer 9

I pooh pooh anthing I don't like. I even pooh pooh my wife Winnie. When what I am doing is pooing I prefer to be eschewing the facilities at work. After I am home and through pooing, I prefer to be wooing after I have dinner and am through chewing. I try to keep the lid on things so life doesn't bowl me over.

Answer 10

The most important thing you can do on your first day at a new job is scout the bathrooms. There is always a gem up on the top floor somewhere that nobody ever uses. This one simple chore will make your life easier for years to come.