My Boyfriend and i have been together for over 9 months. We are madly in love but are only 21. We talk about our future, the present, and marriage all the time, but dont want to rush into marriage financially right now. Im still living with my parents and he is too, but he is moving out in two months. We want to live together but his parents are very against it, but would allow him to have a female roomate just not me. What can I say to them to help the situation and why is it looked down on so much? His family is uber conservative christians saying that moving in would be an act of adultry. We are afraid his family will dis own him. HELP!!!
2006-09-28 04:34:17 · 16 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The reason for mocing in together is simply we want to be able to start a home. Be able to come home to the one we love after work. For the silly things like making dinner and being able to wake up in each others arms. Yeah we are seriously one of those dorky couples.
2006-09-28 04:37:50 · update #1
the house he is moving in to is on his parents land, they would be the landlords really.
if we are really serious about this should we wait around for them or attempt to find something else. the only thing is, the house is amazing and exactly where and what we need.
2006-09-28 04:45:08 · update #2
we both want to get married, we both wanna marry each other... just not rush into things.
2006-09-28 04:51:22 · update #3
I think religion is great...but its THOSE religious people that make me want to commit suicide! There is NOTHING wrong with you guys living together.... And if they are TRUE Christians they will be open minded and support you if this is what you guys really want to do! They may not agree with it, but they shouldn't disown him because of this. If you really think about it, it is SO miniscule and it seems they should have better things to focus their energy on. You two should be living together if you want to! Good luck!!
2006-09-28 04:44:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well.. I have been invited to live together with a guy, He told me we should live together so that he would 'test' me and see if I was good enough to be his wife, and if that was the case, he would marry me later.
I got under the impression that the only thing he wanted was to have sex for free. So he would find me on his bed every night and would not have to go after women or spending money on hookers, so I told him he could go 'test drive' his mom instead
:-O He was upset at me, and soon afterwards was living with another girl who had problem with police cause of drugs, then he left her, etc... I really just think he wanted to have a woman at home, for the reasons I had mentioned before.
Anyway, it all depends on how things are.
It is funny everyone says that you have to live with someone before so to know then better but all statistics show that couples living together before marriage have the highest divorce rates.
My husband has lived for 6 years with previous wife before marriage and then ended up divorcing all the same.
I say do what feels right for you. Families get used to things as the years go by.
Just one thing: be prepared to find more about each other all right, but it will also include finding out about faults you can not see now. If it does not work, will you be ready to go on with your life? Consider that at your early age, not all choices are forever, and that some guys will just feel comf on having everything a marriage has to offer (including sex) without having the marriage responsabilities. And when it starts they will just want to stay like this and wont mention marriage quite often anymore.
Ps. if it does not work, can you live on your own, or are you sure your parents would take you back?
2006-09-28 11:51:53 · answer #2 · answered by Graça 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His family most likely will not diss him, but I'm sure they will be very hurt and disappointed. There has been tons of studies done on the benefits and down sides to living together. Unfortunately, according to the studies, the downsides out-weight the benefits. One study showed that divorce rates are higher in couples who lived together first. It had alot to do about how they viewed marriage. I guess my question has always been, what is the difference, really, between living together and marriage. Your situation is basically the same. Why not get married to your boyfriend first? If you are mainly "not sure" his is the one then I suggest not even living together because the break up feels the same between live-ins and those who are married. Also, there is nothing you can say or do to convince his parents it's OK. It will put a gulf between you and your potential in-laws. And believe me, that is something you do not want to do.
2006-09-28 11:42:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am kind of in the same situation. I am living with my fiance. We have 2 children. Its like we are married. But just havent done it yet. Yes, it is very important. Ive been with my fiance for 6 years now. 9 months is a very short period of time. You are still in the honey moon stage of dating. But isnt it great. When you live together before marriage... you get to see who the real person is before you marry... that is probably why there are so many divorices in the world. People jump into marriages too soon. Anyways... getting off the subject huh.. I think that you both are adults, and maybe that you can come up with an agreement with his parents. If all else fails Go for it. If your going to live together eventually before marriage anyways, then better to do it now then later. good luck with the parents and the relationship.
2006-09-28 11:42:52 · answer #4 · answered by 2girlsmother 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are right. Don't ever disrespect your parents bc in the future when you become one you will know how it feels. Another thing i fail to understand is how this society works. It is a sin to have sex when you are not married. Do not let this society that is trying to separate god from our everyday lives get a hold of you. Another thing which you might not of thought of yet, unless you are filthy richor have a job paying very good money, what will happen if things dont work out with you 2 and your parents and his parents dont want you back, good luck making it out there in the "real world" bc it is tough place to live. Here is my advice live at your parents house dont disrespect anyone, and drive over to his place whenever you want to visit. Everyone is happy and you dont mess up your life at such a young age.
2006-09-28 11:43:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is that there is a lack of commitment on both sides. What is going to happen if the relationship falls apart? At any point one of you could take off and then there will be a vicious battle for the stuff that was purchased while you both were there. Plus if his family is ultra conservative it will put a huge rift in their relationship with you, which if you do end up getting married eventually will lead to conflict regularly. It could come to point when your boyfriend will have to decide between you and his family. Depending on your grip you have on him he most likely will take his family.
2006-09-28 11:43:52 · answer #6 · answered by Paka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I am not against people living together outside of marriage. It is their choice and their business. However, they should be mature and independent enough to do so. You say you are both 21, so why can't you be on your own? You say his parents will 'allow' him to have a female room mate? Sorry, but this is disgusting. If he or you has to have permission from Mommy and Daddy then you are not mature enough to do this. You both need to grow up and stop being so dependent. This is about you and your BF, not his parents.
2006-09-28 11:42:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and your boyfriend are adults, and have every right to make your own decisions; but you do not have the right to expect his parents to give you their blessing.(to live together, outside of marriage) If you and your boyfriend decide to move into together, you must be willing to accept the fact that his parents will not be happy with your decision.
You can't force anyone to accept you or approve of your life; they have the right to their belief's and lives, just as much as you and their son.
The two of you must make your decision, and let the chips fall where they may.
My motto has always been....why? buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
Good luck :)
2006-09-28 11:45:17 · answer #8 · answered by swampfox conservative 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many people feel that an unmarried couple living together are "living in sin" because they are having premarital sex. The fear that you could have children out of wed-lock and various other things that could complicate your lives, is their justification for not wanting you to live together. Ultimately, it is your life and parents need to learn to let go. It is not like you two are kids. Good luck!
2006-09-28 11:44:04 · answer #9 · answered by Peace2All 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good to be in love, but it is sad to loose the lover, those people cares about you, you should not waist your love to somebody who has no plan to marry you. If he loves you, let him take to you to a church and he puts a ring on your finger when the church people witnessing this. Your love is kept in the darkness, one day you will be hurt when he comes to light and you are not his wife to be. He will leave you. Remenber first know what is love? What is marriage? What and how should you be in this marriage as a woman! Learn some lessons from your church. God bless U.Harriet
2006-09-28 11:46:33 · answer #10 · answered by Harriet N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋