Told my teachers that I was contemplating hurting myself to get out of dance... now they hate me?

Question

I told my ballet teachers that I hated competing so much that I had seriously asked for advice on how to break or badly sprain my ankle to get out of an upcoming performance. Now they hate me. They said "be a quitter and pull out, but you'll never become a professional dancer!" I didn't hurt myself in the end and realize now just how stressed I was.

They treat me badly in class now. I am 17 and on a pre-pro dance program. I am 5'7" and 115 with a med-lg bone frame. The teachers keep making quirks about my being overweight and I must be a closet eater and I am jello etc., One even said, "doing pointe at your hefty weight, you're bound to hurt yourself anyways!"
but I am frustrated because no docs or nutritionists will help me to lose weight because they say I'm low-normal weight for my height.... They don't understand that I can get kicked out for being too heavy. I'm the heaviest one in my class and we are weighed publicly. I am so stressed out. I don't know what to do.

I should clarify. I wasn't being a jerk-off when I told my teachers. I went to them for help. I go to a dance school and we have a school psychologist. They said why did I need help and I said "because I am so depressed right now with all the pressure to lose weight and to compete that I was actually contemplating breaking my own ankle just to get out of dance." I love ballet, and I have been on the pre-pro track since I was 14. I still want to become a dancer or a dance teacher but I want to go to college first so that rules out getting into a major company since I'll be too old. The competitions are in some ways auditions as recruiters from companies come to watch them... that's why it's so important.
I think my teachers should have helped me to talk to someone instead of putting me down. FYI they are both in their 40s and were professional dancers.I don't want to quit, I just feel like I can't lose enough weight for them..

More clarifications: I'm not on a dance team, I'm a ballet student attending a well-known ballet academy that is associated with a company. I try so hard in class and I love performing, but I hate competing. They're two very different things in my world. I've understudied a professional dancer once and got to perform in her place in Coppelia when she got ill and I just LOVED it. But my teachers nag me every day because they can't see my spine and my thighs almost touch. That's what I'm having a hard time with.

Answer 1

You need to reach out to a better online message board where people will understand what you're going through. Run - don't walk - to Ballet Talk for Dancers:
http://dancers.invisionzone.com/index.php?
It is the best online community of people who understand ballet: professional dancers, teachers, students and parents.

Please know that there are many paths to becoming a professional dancer, even a professional ballet dancer. You don't have to live with this kind of abuse. You sound like you're a lovely size, despite the norm at your school. I know, because my daughter is a college dancer and weighs more than you.

You have many options ahead of you and I hope you explore them all, including college. Merde!

Answer 2

OK. I do not think this is really about your weight. They might be using that to toy with you and get your act together, but at your height, you should actually weigh 118-150 pounds. Technically you would be under weight, and so would anyone else if they are your height. I think if one of my students were purposely hurting them selves and letting themselves and I down, I would be outraged and ashamed! That is not something to take lightly, and neither is dance. You may think the are mean to you or too rough and tough, but honestly, they want you to become the best BEST dancer you can. It is not their soul purpose to ruin your life. Competing is something you need to become a great dancer. It is the best form of practice you will ever get. Also, think about your attitude, it shows, and very easily. Maybe you are even trying to say nice things, but it is the WAY you say them. Teachers do not take cheek or smack talk, and no nonsense. Wise up. Try really hard in class. If you really have to, lose some weight, but your weight is fine. Go girl, and show them what you have got! Good luck in class, and no more injuries unless it is an accident!!

Answer 3

Dance is brutal - surely you must know this by now. At some point, you accepted it, but that doesn't make it a forever decision. Maybe your priorities have changed. Maybe YOU have changed, and that's ok, there is nothing wrong if that's the case.

I believe, however, that the problem is not with you or your motivation. The problem is that you are being psychologically abused by your dance instructors. The emotional distress that has obviously been caused by their comments about your weight and public weighings are grounds for a lawsuit.

These instructors are going to take something from you if you let them. They are going to take away your love for it. Discuss this with your parent(s) and CHANGE SCHOOLS before you end up quitting dance completely. That would be a real shame, because years of time, money and hard work have been invested in your training, and I sense that you don't really want to quit, so don't quit, please. But don't let anyone treat you like garbage either.

Answer 4

I don't think you are being kicked out because of your weight. I am the director of a pre-professional dance competition team. AND if one of my dancers came to me and told me how much they hated competing and wanted to purposely break their ankle to get out of performing, I WOULD KICK THEM OFF TOO! If you are trying to get out of a performance, you obviously don't want to make a career out of dance. You can't blame it on the costume, or the other dancers, or the choreography or the teacher, because you will have to deal with all of that stuff in the professional dance world. You post says to me that you don't "love" dancing. You should want to be on that stage any chance you get! Maybe you shouldn't quit, but you shouldn't bring your bad attitude about dancing to a competition team. It brings down the rest of the dancers.

Answer 5

Sounds like a lot of stress. I guess you need to ask yourself if that is what you rely want to do. To become a professional dancer you have to have allot of passion for dance. If you hate competing, and would go so far as to try and get hurt to get out of it, than maybe its not wort it. It sounds like allot of stress, and it sounds like your not that into it. To compromise a performance that they have been working on because you simply don't wnatto do it, is a little selfish. They have a right to be disappointed, but they shouldn't be rude to you. Maybe you should look into something else.

Answer 6

I think maybe you should consider working with another dance team. I know it's now always easy to just join a team, but i dont think that the social environment is healthy for you. I know dancing can be really competitive, but it's not right that people are publically pointing out things about your weight.

Answer 7

I think you should find new teachers and to report them to someone who can prevent them from hurting other dancers by making them eat too little. Do your parents know about this and do they approve of the way the teachers speak to you?