If your husband had a 13 year affair with ex, what would you do?

Question

My very close friend recently discovered that her husband of 9 years (together 13 years), has been having an affair with an ex girlfriend. She found the ex's number on his phone at 3:20 a.m. and called back the next day and heard his ex's name on the voicemail. The ex finally answered after about a week of dodging her and told her everything. How they neve stopped seeing eachother from 13 years ago. They may have a 7 year old daughter together. Actually the ex has been with her own husband for 12 years and he has no clue that their daughter may not be his. The ex says that she still loves my friend's husband and she finds it heard to stay away from him. Meanwhile my friend's husband is taking this to the grave with him and he won't admit anything! not even knowing how his ex got his number. He tells my friend that the ex is must be crazy. We both know that his ex is not lying because she know too many details about their life, homes, events etc. What should she do? She has 3 small kid

Actually my friend id very intelligent. She is only 35 years old and is a prominent politician in michigan. Also, her husband cheated wiht the ex back when they were dating 12 years ago and he admitted it. They confronted the ex and he promised it was over. The ex did tell her that it would never be over.

Answer 1

I dont know this sounds like a soap opera

Answer 2

If the husband is telling the truth then he shouldn't have any problem with a little test called DNA.

Although the woman has alot of knowledge about the husband this in an of itself is not enough to condemn him. If he is still carrying on then she should be able to get the goods easily enough.
She should find out where the girl lives and as her friend you can help with the drivebys to see if he is there.

Don't be too quick to say she isn't lying as she could just be some obsessed person he came across.

Lastly, if she does get the proof she is seeking then she hasn't any choice but to divorce him in view of the length of the affair.

With 3 children she should make sure she takes him to the cleaners. Let's see how romantic his other relationship is when he is broke broke broke for the next 10 years or so. He will probably start coming to her behind the girls back. If he is cheating he is Scum and she deserves to be with someone who has more respect for her and all she has done by giving him 3 beautiful children.

Answer 3

She has some hard choices to make. Together she and the ex could confront her husband. Both of them should be very angry as he is treating both disrespectfully. But she may get at the truth that way.

If it is true, and the ex is willing to forgive him, he will lay off the affair for a few months, then be right back at it, only more carefully. If the ex doesn't forgive him, the odds are really high that he will find someone to replace her.

Marriage counseling may help. It will at least satisfy you friend that none of this is her fault. She has been a good wife, mother, etc, and offer her some choices for the future of this and other relationships.

Answer 4

This story is sort of close to home for me I come from a long line of infidelity in my own family.My dad had several affairs had 2 illegitimate kids by 2 different women.The first kid he tried to hide but my mom found out and eventually forgave him for.Only to find out he did it again so they divorced after 25yrs.And then she found out he had the 2nd child but didn't know during the marriage.There's a hell of alot more to this story but not enough time.So if I were you're friend I would divorce him the ex knows way to much for it not to be true.And her husband has no respect for their marriage and obviously no love for her or he wouldn't have done it in the first place.And on top of that lie about it that's really messed up I truly feel for her.Hope things get better because she deserves much better than she has right now.

Answer 5

I don't think it can ever be too soon to become friends with an ex-husband. In fact, I think the ideal is to be friends with them even through the divorce. So I think 13 years is more than enough time to get over any grudges.

Answer 6

Your friend needs to call this chick's husband and tell him everything. Get a dna test on the 7 yr old girl (poor little kid). She needs to divorce him. 13 years of lying does not bode well for the future. The woman's husband needs to know, too. Good luck to you all. You are a good friend to be concerned.

Answer 7

All parties involved need to get together and find out the truth. Then it is up to the non cheating spouses to figure out what they are gonna do with the situation. My ex-husband cheated on me for several yrs. I tried to make our marriage work but it takes both people wanting it. I am now remarried and in a great marriage. I will say this, it doesn't take 2 to make a marriage work, it takes 3. You, your spouse and God.

Answer 8

She should tell her husband he is a coward for not telling the truth and that he can't have his cake and eat it too any longer because she is going to leave him. If he is willing to admit he has been making a drastic mistake and swears to change his ways then maybe they could have a chance but if I were her I would have a lot of trouble ever trusting him again because even when he is caught he continues to lie! MEN!

Answer 9

I think that this man doesn't want to hurt his wife but by lying is. His heart really lies with the ex, but doesn't want to leave the current wife because he is afraid he will be alone. I don't think that he did any of this to hurt anyone sometimes things just happen. His wife needs to leave. Sounds to me like no matter what he says-his heart is with the ex....it will hurt for a while but everyone involved will be better off.

Answer 10

it's funny you say this because my boyfriend and i broke up in December of last year and got back together the last week of January. he told me all he could think about was us and that he stayed with a cousin of his while we were apart, but come to find out he was lying. he moved with a high school sweetheart and they were dating. she told me everything and again i believed her because she knew a little too much. he claims to this day that she was lying and is jealous of our relationship. because we weren't together when this happened i am still with this man. as for the trust well it's a little shaky. as for your friend tell her that the truth will come out. ask the other woman to take a paternity test and he won't be able to deny that.

Answer 11

Seems to me that their marriage is nothing but a lie as far as her husband is concerned and she should get out. If he has done this for this long, he will not stop. She should also let the ex's husband know everything she knows.