if my in-laws have fault with me, is it wrong for me to expect my husband to stand up for me?

Question

He will not even speak up on my behalf,even when Ive done nothing wrong. That really bothers me and almost makes me resent him. Its as if Im in this alone. This has been an issue since we were married. On holidays, we go our separate ways if they arent speaking to me. This makes me even more angry that he wont choose to stick by me! I need honest answers. Am I asking too much?

Answer 1

I think we are clones!!! I have the same problem!! I get so upset when my husband sides with his parents, it is enough to make me sick. My father in law, at my baby shower, told my Mom that I had been given too much pink stuff. My Mom said she hopes it is a girl, to which my father in law replies, "then we can tell God he made a mistake and send it back." My Mom was horrified, we had a hard time conceiving, went through IVF, then this sick *&%#@rd tells my Mom this!?! But did my hubby tell him to take a hike?? NO, the wuss told me he was only joking. I did and still do not find this funny. We married mommys boys, sad to say. I feel the same way you do. And we have been married for 16 years! I do not remember how many times I have told him to get a backbone and stick up for me, but he will never change.

Answer 2

You should never go your separate ways. Your husband should stand up for you if you are being picked on. But, something interesting I have noticed. It always seems to be the daughter-in-law complaining about in-laws. At least I haven't read any accounts of the son-in-law complaining. Sometimes I wonder if the wife is so possesive that she has trouble sharing her husband and just wants his parents to disappear. Do talk to your husband about this. You should come first but, try to get along with his parents. Don't be bitter and angry like some. They are the ones who will be terrible mothers in law eventually. And remember you will probably be in their place one day. A sweet woman wins in the end.

Answer 3

At the end of the day he must realize that it's just you & him vs. the world. His parents may have been with him his whole life, and will continue to be, but he made a commitment to love and honor you. He is expressing neither by not standing up for you. Look, he doesn't need to take sides every time, he can simply express that the conversation should move to aother topic. He has the ability to simply and bluntly say, "Let's talk about something else."

You are NOT asking too much.

Answer 4

No you are not asking too much! *(I am in the same boat!) It is a long story but I can tell you this much..You have the right to tell your husband to make a choice and let him know that every time he allows this to happen that it is "Him" more then his family that is hurting you! He should not want to hurt and upset you or chose to be with people who do not accept you! Family or other wise. Then ask him how he would feel or what he would do if it were a stranger treating you this way! If he is willing to stand up for you to a stranger then he should be willing to stand up for you to his family!! You are his wife and will be there for him long after his family is gone - unless he chooses to push you away for them. Ultimately he needs to decide who is more important in his life! I wish you luck because there is no simple solution or answer as you can not make them accept you but then why would you want to be around people like that anyway? They are shallow, rude and ignorant just like my husbands family! I just do not allow them in our home or to be included in any of our holiday plans or family gatherings! It can go both ways you know! It depends on if you are willing to risk it all to stand your ground! I was and I won out over his family and now it is them who miss out! good luck dear!

Answer 5

I totally feel your pain. My mother in-law is "smart" enough to only be derogatory to me when my husband is not around. That way she can just tell him I am making it up. She has gotten caught in her own lies a couple times though. My husband never sticks up for me even when I ask him too b/c he says "Well I can't just call my mom a liar" or something to that effect. (What he doesn't realize is that by not acknowledging she is lying he is saying I am lying) I have told him how I feel several times and as much as I would like to, I can't tell him to just disown his family- that would not be fair. SO I choose to not go around them. But at the same time, he can't ask me to go around them b/c then I am giving up everything I stand for. So ultimately he feels caught in the middle. WHen he tries to take my side his mother finds a way to guilt him into taking hers. And some stuff in-laws say or do to you the husband will not see as offensive/wrong b/c the parents have been this way all their life and they are just so used to it that it does not seem wrong to them. There really is no easy way of dealing with these things. I am avoiding my in-laws and it worked the first couple weeks but now I notice my husband not talking to me as much, etc. It's like a lose-lose situation. If you tolerate them to save your marriage then you are miserable. If you stand your ground and avoid them then you are still miserable b/c hubby is miserable.

Answer 6

This has got to be one of the most frustrating things ever for wives. You most certainly are not asking too much of him. Is marriage counseling an option? If that's not available to you right now, maybe you both have a mutual friend that wouldn't mind mediating for you both so you can sit down and talk this through. The advantage of a mediator is that they hear both sides of the problem and can objectively (and hopefully constructively) help you both verbalize how you're feeling and provide an outside view to the problem.

Answer 7

I also have in-law problems, and my husband didn't realize how much they were getting to me until I told him. So now if they start to pick on me we leave, no matter what the occasion is and it has gotten a lot better. The only way they are going to stop is if your husband sticks up for you, because they see this as an acceptable behavior and it is not.

Answer 8

No, this is the growing problem and #2 reason for divorce. Men have been raised to be p*ssies by their mothers and beaten down from the manly status. It's the reason I am divorcing my husband.

Women's first and foremost reason to get married is for protection, Emotionally Physically and Financially. If a man fails at protection, he has failed as a man. He has thus broken a marriage vow to HONOR and PROTECT.

Answer 9

i agree with you. some men and parents don't understand that once a man marries he's left the nest. They are no longer the first priority...you are. Marriages last because they stand on each other not because the keep family as the back up. Gotta loose that safety so you feel that it's a true team and not us vs them

Answer 10

You were one hundred% authentic. You informed them very last month that you will be able to't have sufficient money to proceed identifying to purchase their nutrients. You were also somewhat intelligent in bringing a restricted quantity of money so so that you could no longer be compelled into paying their way. Your in-regulations are rude. You were authentic to be pleased with your husband for status as a lot as them. do no longer enable their rude habit problem you or your husband for a unmarried second. they are those that are incorrect. enable them complication about a fashion to "gentle" issues over. i'd pretend that no longer something changed into incorrect, because out of your stand-aspect, no longer something is misguided. You informed them what you've been going to do, you observed via with it....THEY were those that lied and were attempting to screw you and your husband out of money yet yet again. in the adventure that they act indignant, merely ignore about it. they are going to eventually get over it.