I recently found out my spouse has a gay personal and has met a few men. He also been doing this for years. He does not know that I am aware of the situation. I want to confront him but I do not want to hurt his feelings. I get frustrated because it feels like he tortures me to no end. And at the same note he always buys me gifts. I am really confused. I do not know if he wants me to leave or stay. He is just like a yo-yo.
2006-09-28 02:43:18 · 21 answers · asked by lookn4romance 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
If you are willing to let him have this side of himself fulfilled in your relationship you need to know that he may be gay and if he is you will eventually loose him. It doesnt mean he doesn't love you. If my wife was willing to accept me as Bi I would not be willing to leave her and my kids but she is extreemly against homosexuallty so my marriage will be ending soon. I hate that too because I love her so much. I love my kids I do not want to loose them but being bisexual is not a choice and I have denied this for so long. I have not cheated on her physically but in my heart I am in love with a man and he loves me too. I am wanting to wait untill the kids are old enough and out of the house in college but it is unfair to ask my guy to wait that long so I am not sure when my marriage will be ending but it will end soon.
I didn't mean to fall in love I wanted just to make friends with a guy and maybe masturbate together I didnt want to have to end my marriage. But I am not willing to deny myself anymore. I am not sharing this with you to hurt you or to tell you what you shouold do. You will need to make that dicision but if you are willing to accept him as bisexual and let him explore that side with strict peramitors about knowing who he is with and knowing thier sexual history as well. You may be able to salvage your marriage or at least have some sembolance of it. If you do not want that then end it now. Just leave him. You have a very hard discision and I will be praying for you.
2006-09-28 03:14:53 · answer #1 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are so many women in your exact same situtation. I have friends who sleep with tons of married men - I mean a LOT. I know most of them are unsafe, I am dead serious about this fact.
First off - you do not sound mad. You need SOME anger, this guy is cheating on you and you have no idea what/when/how often...you have no idea what effects thisis going tohave on your health. I am just saying you have the right to feel some anger.
You need to take care of this right now. Do not waste another day, sit him down, alone and confront him with everything you know. Then ask him to think about his actions and address the issue againin a few days after you have both though this out.
Get a blood test!!!! Test for every STD under the sun. Do this today, make a call to your doctore when you read my e-mail. Clal the doctor and make an appointment.
You have got to take control of this situtation TODAY. Your are actually risking your life, actually HE was risking your life.
2006-09-28 03:11:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk about this episode of Law and Order that was in reruns a while back. A woman discovered that she had AIDS because of a murder investigation. It seems some buddies had been doing the Thursday night poker with the boys thing but it wasn't just cards they were playing when playing with each other. One of them had AIDS and passed it around, and that then got passed on to a wife or two.
Then tell him, "She was sure surprised. Can you imagine how hurt she might have felt?" Whatever his response, you need to get tested on a regular basis, that bug has a tendency to hide for a long time. Early treatment can do a lot, but that doesn't happen until it is discovered so get to watching, whatever his answer is.
2006-09-28 02:53:38 · answer #3 · answered by Rabbit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to make some choices for yourself. This has to do with you. Has nothing to do with who he's sleeping with. Men or women. Is it OK that he's sleeping with anyone? You are a wonderful person to be worried about hurting his feelings but I'm worried about your feelings. I'm also worried about your own safety. You two need to talk. You are being tortured and I'm sure he is too. He might not know what he wants or knows where he is supposed to be. But you have the power to know what you want, where you should be and the boundaries that you want in place. If you are to have a monogamous relationship than that needs to be respected. If you are going to have an open relationship then safe sex practices need to be respected. Either way you two need to talk. Contact you local PFLAG. They are a group of volunteers look them up on the web. Free service they have heard it all and they are there to help you. You will find the gay community helpful to gays and straights while you are dealing with his "coming out" or "denial". Do for you sista friend.
2006-09-28 06:52:56 · answer #4 · answered by lesbianmommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Youre not sure whether he wants you to stay or not. But what do you want to do? stay or not. You feel tortured by him and also you know that he has sex or relationship with men.
Are you able to take care of yourself financially? or is that a reason where you might stick it out with him? or do you love or like him inspite of how you feel he conducts himself?
He may be like a yo yo, as you say. But you need to consider things also from you own perspective. If what you believe about him is true, then you can either live with that, or try to get him to change (by talking to him), or else leave. Good luck.
2006-09-28 06:51:44 · answer #5 · answered by reggaeboi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not an easy subject to broach and you should handle it with care. I know that you feel hurt and betrayed by what's happening, but you need to understand that your spouse is fighting his own internal battle as well. No matter what you do, just try to maintain a calm disposition, even if what you hear upsets you further. I'm sure that like most men in his position he wants to tell you but just doesnt know how to, or even where to begin. Perhaps you can both go to consuling and have a 3rd party bring you through to resolution rather than handle this by yourselves.
2006-09-28 02:48:47 · answer #6 · answered by God 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, you have to protect yourself, especially your health. If he is cheating on you (with any gender, for that matter) it is your business and should not worry about hurting his feelings -- he has crossed a line without your consent.
Sit him down and ask him gently, but firmly. Note your suspicions. He might very well be shocked that you already know.
Don't wait. Your physical and mental health are far too important.
As a husband, the man has certain obligations to you. If he has been cheating on you, don't let him get away with it. I do not believe you opted into an open marriage contract.
Good luck, dear. I will pray for you.
2006-09-28 02:50:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know someone with your problem(married) and guess what, he's too arrogant to say that he's really straight when most of his colleagues knew what he's doing inside the gym sauna. And even dare to show his skin problems all over his back. He can pretend to be so real macho image. It's so hard to just ignore what you don't know what he's doing behind your back. Well,if health and respect doesn't matter to you,then go ahead,keep the secret for good. Unless you believe in a saying Love is Blind!
2006-09-28 04:22:42 · answer #8 · answered by javo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG ---I'm so sorry to here that, but since you do know now you need to confront him and gice him the chance to explain, the chances are he was doing this way before you were maried!! but now that you know you NEED to go get tested for possible STD'S
He goes and sleeps with gay men and comes home and sleeps with you! waht a low life this guy his!! But you need to go today and get tested, and you ned to cofront him ASAP!! when you do He will most likely tell you he won't do it again, get rid of his personal ad, etc, just to think he has regained your trust! but I tell you he will probally never stop if he is infact BI he will always have the desirtes to sleep with men, also as well as you!! so I ask you, is this something you can live with knowing he sleeps with other men? playing safe or not!! I wish you all the best you will need it, you have a tough road ahead of you!! PLEASE keep us informed on what happens!! again I'm Sorry, but the best of luck!! and please go get tested today for possible STD'S and your husband needs to also, and you need to do this every 6 months !!
The Warmest hugs, SPARKY
keep on YAHOOING!!
2006-09-28 08:41:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry. You absolutely need to talk to him about it, but you are right to want to broach the topic gently. You need to decide what you want and how you will deal with whatever he may tell you, or not tell you for that matter. Be true to yourself, be strong and above all, be safe. These folks telling you that he could give you some disease are right. Make sure you talk to a friend about all this. You will need a shoulder to lean on. Good luck!
2006-09-28 03:51:47 · answer #10 · answered by Mark 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋