My ex bf and i were together for 2 1/2 yrs. we just had a baby last feb. We moved to another state when we had the baby. He has left me 4 times and moved back to our home state since the baby has been born. He'll leave for about 6 wks or so and come back begging me to take him back. He admits to drinking while he is home and also admitted to have slept with another girl last time while he was drunk. But claims to love me and wants to work this out with me. Yet he continues to leave, go home play around and call me to make sure i dont move on and date anyone else. He is paranoid i am with someone else during these break ups that he causes and calls insanely too much to know about my whereabouts but he is unreachable to me. y is he trying to keep me in love with him as he plays in our home state? Please help im in a break up that wont break up and its killing me. I dont know how to get over him because of all the calls and begging. I know he lies, i catch him all the time. Help
2006-09-28 01:58:55 · 19 answers · asked by Ruby 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i think he is returning to u and keeps u interested in him cos u re his back up plan. it is always easier when u know u can return somewhere. but if it doesn't suit u please don't waste your time. he will not change, this situation suits him, he doesn't love u or that other girl he is having at another place. this is just convenient for him. u will waste your youth and at the end u will be old and tired and nobody would want u. a woman can find a man at any age, but when she is young it is much much easier. and your baby wouldn't be a problem, there re billions of women who had even more than 1 child and got succesfully married again
2006-09-28 02:18:14 · answer #1 · answered by sandeep k 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is playing with you.. He may or may not be doing it intentionally.. He might be a player who knows he has a good thing with you.. and knows (since you have) that you will let him come back when he wants to. He might not be doing it intentionally, he might have serious psyhologic issues that he needs serious professional help for which is a different story. However, the point is, he is still doing it and it is not good for either you or the baby. So, you have a few choices, you can get him out of your life altogether - say "see ya".. and move on as quickly and as best as you can.. or.. (only if you are willing to deal with hard times for a while.. and are more generous and loving than most people) you can try to get him some help. However, if you are willing to stick around for him and try to get him some help, I would say - don't let him move back into your house with you. Get some psychological testing and assessment done on him, and see if they have a residential treatment program he can go into. Only let him visit with your child with you around and only for short periods. Don't sleep with him anymore.. and give him specific - easy to understand rules that he *MUST* follow - such as - no sleeping with anyone else - no cheating - he must participate in the programs that his therapists and psychologists would like him to, etc... and if he refuses to do any of it.. refuses to let you help him.. than walk right on out of his life for good without looking back.
Good luck
(p.s. I liked the answer someone else gave you about just not answering his phone calls.. and the one about moving and not giving him your new information.. those were great too)
2006-09-28 12:27:15 · answer #2 · answered by River 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not an expert in this, but I wouldn't put up with that. If he really loved you that much, then he wouldn't be doing this to you and your baby. It's not healthy for you and it's not healthy for your baby to go through this kind of stress. You don't want your baby growing up thinking that is a normal relationship either. I would move and change my phone number and find a responsible grown man to love me. The obsessive calling seems to be a sign of jealousy, but again I'm not an expert on these things, but I know that's why people do that. Try to stand up for yourself, and get yourself out of that unhealthy relationship. Call your babysitter this weekend and go out with the girls and have some fun to keep your mind off things. Who knows, they may have some good advice for you and better yet help you out!
2006-09-28 09:09:09 · answer #3 · answered by puoL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do you have any education at all? skills that can give you some independence? I am appalled at we women that have after so many rights that we have today,subject ourselves to such misery,you need to build your self esteem and stop being a backup boothy call,you cannot allow yourself to be used in this manner since you are putting your life on the line every time he sleeps with someone else and comes back home begging knowing that you will take him back.you are in charge of your own decisions and we can only try to advise you on the basis of our experiences,you have to do the math and apply some or all to what you are experiencing,do not be a sucker ,since he will suck you dry until you are not worth much anymore to him or worse until the next best thing comes along,good luck,delmy d
2006-09-28 09:12:02 · answer #4 · answered by delmy d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would change my number and try and move if you could get help from someone and scare him good it will either get him to straighten up or make him move on either way you can have closer so you can go on with your life if he has to look for you it just might make him snap to realty and grow up either way you will be able to take a step toward a new future! with or with out him! or you could just not pick up the phone next time he calls if you got caller Id and if he thinks you are not waiting by the phone for him he might get worried that is is losing you and grow a take responsibility! good luck but If he dose it one more time I would say move on you could go on a date too I mean you don't have to sleep with some one but why not at lest date if you want!
2006-09-28 09:08:12 · answer #5 · answered by mel416 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't say how old both of you are - is he young and rebelling against the responsibility of being a father.
If he kept mucking me about I would close the door on him as I would fear for my own health.
Remember you also have the baby to think about. You both need consistency and stability. There is an age old saying that goes like this - If in doubt, chuck it out.
2006-09-28 09:04:29 · answer #6 · answered by puzzled 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I believe he moved you out of state so he can have his cake and eat it too. He must have felt it would have been too hard to play you while you two were in the same state.... You must stay on his head alot...after being gone for 6weeks, he knows you miss him and basically forget why you were mad in the first place for him leaving.
2006-09-28 09:03:20 · answer #7 · answered by stella 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am happy to be able to inform you: there is no law forcing you to answer the phone! That's right -- you can ignore it all you want and you WON'T go to jail! Isn't that awesome? And believe me, attitudes will start changing, on both sides, once you stop slavishly answering his calls.
2006-09-28 09:02:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
YES, HE IS PLAYING YOU ... see a lawyer and move on. As long as you allow this behaviour, you are enabling him to continue to lie and cheat and by not dong anything about it, he has no incentive to change (not that he would) ... i dont think this is salvageable, he has too many personal issues ... drinking, lying, cheating, etc.
2006-09-28 09:05:03 · answer #9 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He wants his cake and eat it to!!! Kick his as* to the curb. You don't need this type of influence for your child. He says he loves you with the wrong brain. Go see an attorney to get child support payments ordered.
2006-09-28 09:02:42 · answer #10 · answered by Michael S 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋