I really am scared that......................?

Question

that my husband is going to leave me soon. My parents have always told me that I have a way of starting confrintations with out being aware of it and is the reason why they never stoped my brother from beating me. I am not aware of how I have this affect on people, but have always been told that I do. That I always make poepl hate me and they can never get along with me. I want to know who to fix this so my husband doesn't leave me. An example of this is what happened last night. My husband wass sitting at his computer looking at something on a female singer that he likes, and I ask him to get the baby so that he can eat, he said in a minute, let me finish. I go than and say, I am sorry I didn't mean to interupt, pleasee finish. Than he goes and gets really mad saying that if he stops now, he won't be able to find what he was looking for, and again I say sorry, he than storms away to get the baby. He come's back so pissed saying that all I ever do is nit pick. I had no idea what I VVVV

Had done or said to piss him off. Than he goes and say's that maybe we just don't get along anymore. We have only been married two years. I don't want to lose my husband, and I want to know how to fix this problem my parents have always told me about. this is the first time in my whole life that I have ever been depressed. I wasn't even depressed after our son was born.

My son is 2 years old. And have only been depressed for about a week when all this **** really started hitting the fan.

He always goes and say's that he is sorry and that it is stress from work. But the problem with sorry is, is that it is just words and they don't solve anything. Than when I do try to talk to him, it just makes things worse. I have asked friends if I had that way with them, always pissing them off, and they said no. So my guess is, is that it is just with people that I am in close quarters with.

No, I am not rfrom anywere really. I have a mix of a northern accent from new york and a slight way of pronuciation from north carolina. I am a mutt really. LOL.

I also try to tell him to give me time, I am still learnung things. I got married when I was 18, he was 36. That is probably the reason for most diffrences of opinion. I am 20 now, he is 39.

andi b, I do think about that often, and I also do know how valuble he is to me. I wouldn't be thinking about how bad I treated him at all. I try to do everything I can to make him happy. I try not to say anything that will piss him off, and actually take about five minutes to word what I want to sy to him in my head, so that I can try to avoiid a confrintation. I have learned to always think things before I say them.

Lucky 7, I don't know how I am being demanding. It is his child too. Is it wrong for me to ask him for help once in awhile? NO! I try not to ask him at all, exspecially when he is on the computer, but sometimes I need help. Tell me, can you cook dinner while going upstairse to get your child? I would think not. It is not wrng of me to ask the father of my child for help with his son once in a while.

tinkerbel..., I don't have any friends.

Answer 1

Oh my god, no! You don't have the problem. Your husband had no reason to get so mad about a little thing like that. I dont care what he was looking up or who it was about. He could have bookmarked the page and gone back anytime he wanted. I dont know your parents so i cant pass judgment on them but them telling you that you causing conflicts subconsciously is a good reason to let your brother beat you is COMPLETELY WRONG. Even if you intentionally started conflicts with your brother every day, that is NO EXCUSE for your parents to allow him to abuse you in any way! You sound like an intelligent person who is surrounded by people who are abusive and self righteous. You NEED to get into therapy with your husband now, if you want to remain in this relationship and get over this depression and self blame thet you are going through. Indavidule therapy to help you understand why what you family did was wrong may be a good idea also. I hope you have listened to me and that this works out for you and your family.

Answer 2

It sounds as if you are questioning your identify and you want confirmation from everyone that you think you should change who you are. But what you need to do is evaluate yourself within, and if you think there is nothing wrong with you then maybe it isn't , your husband is making you feel guilty so he will not take he's responsibility as a parent, so it doesn't matter if he is on the computer and that he may lose whatever he is looking for, he's child comes first, and everything else have to wait, ex-specially if you are making dinner. So it sounds like both of you need to see someone to work on your marriage, in the meantime you both can work on your issues, trust me it is not just you. And if he doesn't agree to it, you get help for yourself. He also has to understand that there is an age different between the both of you, and you still have alot of growing up to do, even though you are married and have a child, and he is at an age where he is settled and not willing to change to much, and that where the counseling needs to come in. If he is really to work on this marriage then he will seek help, if not then either you except him the he is or you have a big decision to make. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Huni, I think that the best thing to do is just back off.

I know this is really hard to do but it works a treat. Every time you feel you are about to say something...walk away before you do!

It seems like your partner is not being understanding to your feelings, why dont you talk and try to compromise? just say that you will back off if he understands you and helps you more around your house? Also I think your child is much more important than a flippin celeb!! so why dont he get his priorities right. The blame does not lie all on you hun! he is partly to do with the way you are.

I really think the best thing to do like i said is walk away before you have an outburst. Can you do a class one evening a week to get you away from your family life? you are so young, you should be dating other guys, I am the same age as you and most of my nights are girls nights out, so you do really need a break from such a stressful situation at such a young age. Can you go round to your friends house one evening a night? just find things to keep your mind occupied.

All the very best of luck and I really hope it works out for you. Lots of love, just keep smiling :-) xx

Answer 4

Okay, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you even acknowledge that you have a problem. From what you said about the way you talked to him last night........I wouldn't want to hang out with you either right now. But you can fix all this. It's fairly simple. You obviously love your husband A LOT. The thing is, you don't realize how valuable he is to you. Try this, and I know it's a little morbid, but just try. Imagine what you'd be feeling if tomorrow you were standing by his newly dug grave. Would you be thinking about the things you said to him? Would you regret how you had treated him? Everyday, keep in mind that it could be your last with your love. When you talk to him, stop and think, if he died today, would what I am saying haunt me? Or if I died today, is this the memory that I want to leave with him? Just give it a try. I had a problem similar to yours and that thought is what set me straight. I use this philosophy with everyone I love.

Secondly, your parents sound terrible. You might offer this idea to them also, as they do not seem to appreciate that you are a person with feelings.

Answer 5

How could your husband marry you if you piss off everyone. Thing must have been going pretty good at that point. When people first start dating they put on their best face and act, you feel happy when you become an official couple, because now you don't have to try so hard. I'm not saying kiss his butt, but go back to when you guys first started dating and find that woman. Just like you wrote this message, talk to him (in a gentle voice) and say Let Start Over (do it with a kiss).

Answer 6

If things really went down the way you say they did with your husband and this situation, then it doesn't really sound like you did anything wrong! Just try to be open and honest in all communications and if you think you might be behaving in a confrontational manner then stop yourself and think about how your actions could be perceived. If you apoligize for upsetting someone it makes things so much better. Perhaps you and your husband could consider counseling. Otherwise make it a policy to always communicate openly and honestly.

Answer 7

It sounds from that incident that your husband was more involved with something less improtant that could wait than feeding his own baby. SO I don't know why you 'apologized". You and your husband may need to get some counseling. It also sounds like your parents aren't helping you and giving yourself a lower esteem. Maybe you are depressed? How old is "the baby" are you having "post-partum depression?

Maybe your husband is also depressed and having his own 'issues". You may want to try to set some time for yourselves to go out together (could you get a babysitter? even a parent-doesn't sound like he/she is too helpful)

Good luck

Answer 8

He sounds like an *** and so do your parents. Don't let anyone put you down. He is walking all over you. Stop being so nice , stop worrying about him. He needs to know that you are not there to be abused. Either verbally as he is doing or physically as your bro did. Don't give him any attention. Don't ask him to help you and don't do things for him either. Make him realise that life is a two way street

Answer 9

Maybe it's your tone of voice whatever it is see a therapist together I know every body says that but with your situation perhaps the insight and skills will help you both you don't seem malicious to me so I assume once he hears yoour side with a mediator he will understand that with you he has to focus on the words you are saying not the tone of your voice. Are you from the south by any chance?

Answer 10

the first thing is tell your hubby what you just said here.. what you might need is someone in your life to show you when you are making them upset.. the down fall of this is that you hubby can control you more but if you trust you hubby you and your hubby can help get you out of this problem's.. one of the biggest thing you have to remember is that when you hubby says that you are doing it again you need to lesson up and stop or wright down what you are say or doing at that time.. good luck

and if this does not work please go and see a family console