I just found out that a friend/co-worker of mine miscarried. I've never knew anyone before that has miscarried, so I was totally at a lost for words. I felt so embarrassed, all I could think of saying was 'I'm so sorry'. I felt so stupid after. I don't know if I said too much or too little. Any suggestions on how to respond to this difficult news?
2006-09-28 01:46:34 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Be there physically and emotionally to support your friend.
Provide a listening ear. She is vulnerable and sensitive right now. Just allow her to speak. Thats wat she needs.
You can talk about it in future when she wants to.
2006-09-28 01:54:40 · answer #1 · answered by Mark T 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
That's difficult, really - that's all that you can say is that you are sorry for her. If you've never been through it you can't say that you understand, because you don't. Tell her that you are available if she needs to talk (only if you are and are willing to have her lean on you) and reiterate how sorry you are that she's going through this. For, I think anyone who miscarries, it's not just the lost of the pregnancy, and the physical pain, sometimes it's the loss of all of the dreams you have and hold so close in your heart for that life. All of the visions of first everythings, from shoes, teeth, first days of school, to first boyfriends or girlfriends, and then maybe grandkids... it's not just a miscarriage, it's the end of possibilities for that life, and it's very difficult not to parlay that into the loss of your own legacy. I don't know the reasons, as you haven't said, but if it is possible for her to try again, and she's brave enough to put all those hopes out again, I say be supportive, but I wouldn't fluff it over by saying, "oh -you can always try again." It doesn't make the pain any less, and every pregnancy is different, as is every child and person, so help her grieve if you can, help her mourn this, only then will she be able to think of maybe trying again.
Hope that helps - please give her a hug for me.
2006-09-28 09:05:23 · answer #2 · answered by marybeth_pillsbury 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its always hard trying to find the best answer in a situation like this I would get her a sympathy card and write a short message stating that if she needs a friend to talk to then she can call you other than that i would give her space and allow her to grieve. All ppl need their greiving time. I miscarried my first baby at 8 1/2 weeks it was very difficult to accept.The last thing I wanted was to be felt sorry for. Good luck and I hope all is ok with your friend.
2006-09-28 08:56:32 · answer #3 · answered by Brenda H 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I went through a misscarriage, actually the second one, this last Friday, and there are not words in this world that will help her easy her pain, but there are some that will help her easy her feeling of guilt... It is hard, my friends didnt know what to say either, i mean, they knew how illusionated i was and there was nothing that could make me feel better, but one of the girls here at yahoo answers told me that probably the babies werent meat to be in this world,but sooner or later there would n=be one that is meant to be here, with me... just dont leave her side, she really needs you, it is better to have some one with you, even if they dont know what exactly you are going through....
CONGRATULATIONS, IT WOULD BE AN HONOR TO HAVE YOU AS A FRIEND!!!
P.S. also, make her understand that the best thing to do is talk to her doctor and he will tell her what went wrong... she lost one little life, but there is another one up there waiting for her to be ready for him/her.
2006-09-28 10:03:59 · answer #4 · answered by my_sweet_love <3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of good suggestions here so far, but I wanted to add that maybe you could invite her to go get coffee or something, and sort of feel her out and let her lead the conversation...she may appreciate some time out to talk about other things and feel normal again, or she may appreciate the one-on-one opportunity to talk out her feelings about the miscarriage. Being at work is not always conducive to either.
2006-09-28 09:46:50 · answer #5 · answered by p.helen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There really isn't anything a person can say, other than I'm sorry for your loss. Or, if you could use a shoulder, mine is available.
Depends on how much support she's getting from people in her inner circle. Sometimes those people tire of the tears and mourning or just lack understanding. Best thing for anyone who's in mourning is a pair of friendly ears.
2006-09-28 08:55:09 · answer #6 · answered by auld mom 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well I know it's hard for her but when people miscarry it most likely means the baby was not developing properly. It doesn't mean she won't ever be able to have children. Just let he rknow you are there for her. Isn't much else you can say.
2006-09-28 09:04:57 · answer #7 · answered by volcomgrly23 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sister had one too. The best way is just to be there for her. Be a good friend. If she wants to talk to you about it then she will. I wouldn't say ur sorry anymore just keep at things like there normal. Just be her friend that is the best thing you can do!
2006-09-28 09:09:13 · answer #8 · answered by LeeLynn 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I dont know what it is like to have lost a baby..im pregnant now with my 3rd..but i did have a friend who had a miscarriage..there is no words to say to let them know you feel sorry..all you can do is give her a long hug and whenever she cry wipe her tears and just listen to what she says..because you dont know what it really feels like until it happens to you
2006-09-28 09:02:44 · answer #9 · answered by santia p 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its okay all anyone can say is Im sorry. If you had personal experience then you may have been able to say more but since you didnt then you said just the right thing.
2006-09-28 08:55:23 · answer #10 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't dwell on it, but be there for her if she needs consoling. depending on how far along she was, should also play a part in the situation.
Best thing you can tell her is that it's not the end of the world and it certainly does not mean she can never have kids
2006-09-28 08:55:56 · answer #11 · answered by M P 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋