what do you think of my poem? It's called "'Gator River"?

Question

I wrote this poem about borders... what do you think?

'Gator River

black boy, in a black house
white girl, in a white house
either side of 'Gator river

The alligators snap,
green, slimy and livid
with their guns and striped hoppers
Infecting 'Gator river

they try to cross
to reach, and love eachother
a black shoe, a white shoe
either side of 'Gator river

the blistered backs sink
beneath pointed toe
and they fall, screaming to the bottom
now both brown by the bubbling mud
on the bed of 'Gator river

Answer 1

Wonderful, Byronic even in its serpentine meandering and icosahedric verse structure. Great use of allliteration and consonance to create a vivid and contrasting soundscape of snapping teeth against the churning water. Have you thought about setting this to music? Think you could almost sing it to the tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic.

More please!

Answer 2

I'd use "infesting" instead of "infecting" for line 7

Because you are abbreviating "alligator", and using the apostrophe to denote missing letters, 'gator should not be capitalized. It would be Alligator River, or 'gator River. Or you could leave the apostrophe out and just call it Gator River, which is actually much cooler because that way the reader doensn't know if it's short for Alligator or not. With poetry, vague is good.

It's a good poem, the imagery is pretty solid, it can be visualized easily, it has a bit of a "Strange Fruit" feel to it. Could be perceived as either for or against interracial relations - either side could use it.

Answer 3

Your poem has no real artistic value. It is indicative however of the sickness of racism and even jealousy. The artist is probably a white boy filled with venomous hate for interracial relations as it threatens his highly tauted manhood and white image of himself. The only alternative is to strike back out of hatred attacking black men and white women for some perceived slight.

This poem is very illustrative of how demented the mind can become when filled with hatred. It shows that the powerful mixture of jealousy and racism would lead someone with a weak mind to acts of violence. Go back down to the Gator River and gather your thoughts, deal with the idea that you can not have your way everytime. Seek God in those muddy waters.

Answer 4

A very tragic story.

I think it emphasizes race differences too much.

The river alone is enough of a boundry.

I our lives we will meet many that we love and can not express those thoughts and feelings to.

Answer 5

Rock On! I think it's very brave.

Answer 6

it's a good poem

Answer 7

urm...i didnt really get it :S sorry