I need a laugh. Any good jokes?

Answer 1

a woman goes to the doctor with an embarrassing problem '' you see doctor i cant stop farting, im just glad they are silent and dont smell, but its uncomfortable you see'' the doc gives her a prescription that read ... take one tablet twice a day and return in 3 days, 3 days later she goes back saying '' doctor its even worse now, not only am i farting but now they stink'' the doc replies '' good thats the nasal problem sorted out now lets look at your hearing then your diet

Answer 2

1-There was a blond a brunette, and a red head that were being chased by a terrorist. And there were 3 potato bags on the floor, so each one of them went into a different potato bag. The terrorist kicked the bag which the red head was in and she said Meow. And the terrorist is like...oh just a cat...then he kicks the bag with the brunette...she goes roof roof...and the terrorist says...it's just a stupid dog. Then the terrorist kicks the bag which the blonde is in and she goes...POTATOES!!!!!!!!!!!!

2-A blonde walks into a library and shouts, "CAN I HAVE A CHEESE BURGER AND CHIPS?!?"
The librarian replies, "This is a library."
"Sorry," the blonde whispers in a barely audible voice, "can I have a cheese burger and chips?"


3-There was a blonde and a brunette were walking down the sidewalk. the brunette says "Hey look a dead bird." The blonde look up and says "Where,where?"
A blonde and a brunette are driving in a car down a freeway.
The brunette sees a police car in the rear view mirror.
She asks the blonde to turn around and see if the police cars' lights are on.
The blonde turns around and replys "yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no."


5-There were 3 girls, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde. There was this magic mirror, and if you said a lie in front of it, you would disappear.
The redhead went up to it and said "I am the prettiest girl in the world" Poof, she disappeared.
The brunette went up to the mirror and said "I think I am the prettiest girl in the world" Poof, she disappeared.
The blonde went up to the mirror and said "I Think..." Poof she disappear


http://www.funny-games.biz/jokes/blonde-jokes.html

Answer 3

What do you get if you cross a dog and a lion ?
A terrified postman !

If you take your dog downtown, where should you leave him?
In a barking lot.

What happened to the dog that ate nothing but garlic ?
His bark was much worse than it's bite !
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens. What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause. What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.

Answer 4

There were 4 people on the jet 1 day. The pilot, the wife, the husband and the baby. Suddenly the jet had a broken engine. And it couldn't hold any longer. The pilot had 2 parachutes. He took them out. 1 big and 1 small. The pilot went in the big one with the wife. And the husband went on his own in the small parachute. Then the wife said " What about our baby? " The husband replied " Leave it here, we could PRODUCE a new one anyway " The wife agreed and they all left the jet.

When they landed they heard a voice "Dada" it said. The husband looked down and saw the baby, and said " How did you get down here "
The baby said " Me not STUPID, me not SILLY, me hold on to daddy's WILLY!!!! "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think it's the best joke I've heard!!

Answer 5

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last
of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the
latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with
diarrhoea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed
sheets and threw them out of the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He
started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the
un known things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled
pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets,
a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had watched
the whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the sh*t out of
a ghost".

Answer 6

A blonde,Brunette and a red head,worked for NASA and were thinking about their next expedition.

Brunette : We should go to Mercury.
Red head : We should go to Jupiter.

The brunette and red head started arguing abt whether they should go to mercury or jupiter and then the Blonde says, "All of you ,Keep Quiet!. We are going to the Sun."

So the brunette and red head start laughing and they say that even before they reach their they'd get burned and melted.

So the Blonde says,"Duh.....we'll go in the night."

I hope you liked it.

Answer 7

There was a young lady who farted
Her dinner guests quickly departed
She said with a sigh, as a tear left her eye
But the first course has only just started

Answer 8

I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, 'Quit while you're ahead'?

Answer 9

Hold a hard drive to your ear - listen to the C:\

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

An Irishman, Englishman, Scotsman and Welshman walk into a bar. Barman says "is this some kind of joke"?

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those who don't.

Answer 10

If an elephant swallows you what do you do?
Walk around untill you get pooped out.

How do Germans tie their shoes?
In little nazis.

How many flies does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. But i don't know how they got in there.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Control freak. Now you say control freak who.

I hope you like em.