Got any good story jokes?

Answer 1

...This story is about a piece of string - this piece of string was thirsty. Since he lived in a small town, there was only one restraurant, so he went inside it, seated himself. A waiter came up to take his order.
...The string said, "Yes, sir, I'd like to have a coke, please."
...The waiter said, "A piece of string, eh? Well, we don't served pieces of string here. Get out!"
...Although he was still thirsty, the string left.
...He came up with an idea as he walked along. He decided he would ask the first man he saw for help.
...The string stopped a man and said to him, "Excuse me, sir, but I must ask you for a favor. Would you unravel me a bit on one end, and tie me into a square knot on the other end? It would help me out if you would."
...The man agreed and did what the strings asked of him.
...The string hurried back inside the restaurant and sat down; the waiter approached.
..."Sir, I'd like to have a coke, please," the string said to the waiter.
...But the waiter looked at the string and said, "So, you have returned! I recognize you - I threw you out of here a little while ago! I told you, we don't serve pieces of string in here - you're that same piece of string, aren't you?"
..."No, I'm a frayed knot," replied the string.

Answer 2

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor - I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for 5 minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's fowl mouth is driving him crazy.

One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!". But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you!" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets_very_quiet.

At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbs onto the man's out-stretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on.".

The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, pardon me for asking, but what did the chicken do?".

Answer 3

How is this?

It's a beautiful warm day and a man and wife are at the Zoo. She's wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a gorilla, the beast goes crazy. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand and his feet, grunting and pounding his chest with his free hand. The gorilla is excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, proposes that his wife tease the poor fellow, he suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does, and the gorilla gets more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall. She does and the gorilla is more exited. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs." This drives the gorilla crazy. Suddenly, the husband grabs wife by the hair, open the cage door, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the door shut. "Now, tell HIM you have a HEAD ACHE

Answer 4

A man goes to buy his wife a pet. He wants a parrot but all the birds are very expensive. He finally sees one that is $50. He asks why it's so low, doesn't it talk.
Oh no" the clerk says "he talks up a storm He's so cheap because he doesn't have any legs.
"No legs? How's he hold on to the perch?"
The clerk stuck out his finger and curled it down. "He wraps his Bird P*cker around the perch."
The clerk lifted the bird's feathers to show the man. The man bought the bird.
The next day when the man came home from work the bird said,"Hey buddy. I think your wife is cheating."
"Tell me" the man said
"Well, the mailman came in. He started kissing her"
"Yeah. then what?"
"He opened her shirt and started kissing her boobs"
"Yeah, then what?"
"She dropped to her knees and pulled out his dick"
"Yeah, then what?"
"I don't know." said the parrot. "I popped a woodie and fell off my perch."