What do I do with my mother? Please someone help?

Question

My mother has never really been there for me but I've always given her chances. I recently moved to the same state as her to have a relationship and she just keeps doing stuff to hurt me and I can't tell her cuz she thinks she never does anything wrong, what should I do? I don't have a dad she's the only parent I have. Now we aren't living together anymore and she thinks I'm always feeling sorry for myself. And I found out she's lying about some things that has happened in the past. Why does she do this stuff to me? She cut me my brother and sister off because we aren't from her husband

Answer 1

The answer to your question is very simple. Not good, necessarily, but simple. Your mother is not going to change. You can talk to her and, regardless of what she says, she will either go right back to the same actions or continue the same actions.

You must remember that you can only control what you think/say/do/feel. You have no control over anyone else. There comes a time when you must say to yourself "for my mental health/well being I can no longer associate with you. My father in law was a wife beater and drunk. He would get drunk and call my wife (this was 1500 mile away) at 2 or 3 in the morning and chew her out for some imagined thing she had done or not done. for two or three days after his call she was miserable. In 1975 I told him (made sure he was sober so he would remember) that he was to NEVER call come to our house or in any way contact her again. she never spoke with him until he died in 1994. yes it hurts and yes you hate it, but sometimes it's the lesser of two evils. You just have to remember it's her loss. she's missing out on a wonderful loving daughter, but you can't change her.

Answer 2

My advice changed when I read that last sentence..cutting you off for that reason shows she really has problems. I don't know that she will ever change. I do know that there are people out there who can love you like a daughter! I call them surrogates because they take the place of a real parent/sibling/etc. I have found two "big sisters" i n my life, recently a "little sister" and a "Aunt" none of them are related to me, but the deepest, most caring- like the family I never had!..and without any bickering or fighting!
So that's what I hope for you: that you will meet some people who understand you and care about you and are there to listen when you need it- a loving network. Then maybe it won't hurt so much when she plays her evil game with you.

Answer 3

Sit your Mom down and tell her you two must talk.
Explain to her your feelings about this, that and the other.
Explain to her you moved to this state to have a relationship with her. Ask her if she wants a Mother Daughter relationship. If she does, explain she has to stop hurting you and repeating lies. Ask her what benefit is she getting from cutting you, your brother and sister from her life because you aren't from her husband. Ask her is this you talking or your husband. Tell her you will move along without her if that is her wish but you would hate for things to end in this manner. It's all up to your Mother to decide.

Answer 4

It sounds as if your mother really has some past issues that she needs to deal with. We can't choose our parents and so we struggle to have a relationship with them that is sometimes detrimental to yourselves. I suggest that you have an open discussion with your mother and tell her how you feel, however, since she has cut you, your brother and sister out of her life, I think only professional family counseling is the answer. You only have one mother and sometimes it hurts, but in order to protect your sanity, you may have to make the decision to see less of her until she gets her act together. God bless.

Answer 5

I am in a similar situation with my dad. We haven't spoken in 3 years now. He kicked me out because my step-mom said he had to choose, her or me. He picked her. Everything that had happend is all my fault. If I try to contact him, I Have to go through her first. If she doesn't like what I say (which she never does) I can't talk to him.
There isn't much you can do, but I would say be thankful that you even get the chance to talk to her. As mad as I am at my father, I still miss him very much. I would do anything just to have the chance to give him a hug and say hi. Even if he just cusses me out afterwards.
Just give it time, I'm sure she will come to her senses, but you never know... I hope it all works out for you.

Answer 6

Tell her how you feel...don't hold back. If she doesn't want you in her life, then it is her loss. She will feel the end result. I have a friend whose mom is a drug addict and puts her on an emotional roller coaster all of the time. She is there for her mom when she wants to act right, when she gets out of line, she steps away for awhile. You do need to seek some actual therapy for your own good. If you could get your mom to go too, that would be great, but you need to focus on yourself, you have a life to make for yourself with or without her.

Answer 7

I am hurt to hear mothers acting like that. However, you have a right to tell her how you feel and for once set the records straight. Invite her to lunch and ask her the questions you've been dying to ask. Do not wait for her to tell you ask her. When she's teeling her side of the story, listen and do not judge. Maybe your mother was hurt in the past and she's not brave enough to confront it and overcome that sad experience. Finally, pray for the guidance of the Lord. God bless.

Answer 8

Based on experience it is well good to love your mother no matter what state she is in with family issues.Perhaps she lied to you to concealed something to avoid you being hurt, only she knows. Get alone with your mother and talk to her concerning these issues and reconciling differences will help the two of you. Even if things do not work out out---keep loving her anyway. Keep communication with her and help her as much as possible.

Answer 9

I really think that you would do well to ask your mother to go to counseling with you. If she refuses you need to write down everything that she has ever done that hurt you. write each one on a separate pieces of paper. then take all the papers read them one at a time, Say i choose to forgive you and throw it in a trash can. when you are done either burn them or put them out for the trash collectors. Then forget them and go on with your life. Unforgiveness breeds discontent, bitterness. jealousy,hate, and depression. It can make you mentally and physically ill.

Answer 10

As strange as it may sound there isn't much you can do if she is not willing to face reality and admit her mistakes, you need to go on with your life, since her issues need serious working on, she doesn't seemto be able to accept responsibility for her past mistakes, and until she does you don't need the extra pain in your life, just realize that it isn't your fault you've tried, it's up to her to seek help for herself. I had the same problem with my Mom, and I am 54 and she is 74 and we just began to get along in the past few years. Good luck.