How do you deal with family that do not bother to listen, and jump at the first statement you say?

Question

Things in the family have been pretty peaceful except with dad. He jumps at everything we say, pick out sub-points, and make a big fuss over it.

Mom & brother has stop arguing with him whenever he launches into one of his rants, and I'm a tad tired of reasoning with him each time. Should I just remain silent, because he thinks that mere family time and no disagreement equates to closeness, but its sad to see him losing family and friends. How can i salvage the situation?

Answer 1

Sorry to hear that you had a disagreement with your dad. I know that sometimes speaking to parents can be quite tough especially as we grow older and form our own opinions and views on things that sometimes differ from theirs. I guess parents do always want to feel that their opinion is valued and that no matter what they are wiser than us, which brings about a conflict. And they can sometimes get more stubborn with age.

Let me just affirm you that having your own views that differ from his does not mean that you disrespect him or that you think less of him. We have all grown into adults just like they have and we are entitled to our own opinions just like how they were when they were younger.

I guess you feel that it is not right that he should make a statement that is broad and baseless towards you. You brother and mum probably have decided that it is not worth to have a disagreement over your dad's opinions, and therefore the responsibility rest with you to point out where your dad might need another view.

This may sound a little harsh, but, you have every right to be
sian/unhappy about the occurrence of these incidences, but ultimately, this is your dad and your family. No matter how much we don't get along with our families or at times how unreasonable we may feel about them (in this case your dad), they are family. Period. That means you can be angry or unhappy with them but regardless of whatever, ultimately you
still love them and try to accept them for who they are (unconditional love) no matter how trying it gets and work towards something mutual (as for the how, I am still figuring out).

Just remember, accepting them for who they are does not mean we keep silent. But it is learning that if he can't change then you got to look at yourself and see how you can adapt to him when communicating your opinion to him.

Answer 2

Maybe he will listen to you then maybe he won't. You can try speaking with him your own mind and feelings.
Don't be surprised if he comes down on you hard for it. Dads are most likely to be on the defensive side since they are head of house hold. It could be your Dad has an illness not yet diagnosed with. Perhaps you could talk to his regular doctor about his behavior. I assure you the doctor will not say anything to your Dad about you confronting him..if you request that. My husband was the same way until he had his first heart attack. Could be he is on the road to one. Alzheimer's is another illness that changes a person as well. Check these things things out for further evaluation.

Answer 3

It sounds like your dad is going through something in his life right now that doesn't have anything to do with you or anyone else. I know it's hard to watch, but I think you should follow your mother's and brother's example and just ignore him when he goes into a rant. I don't think you should talk to him. I think you should talk to your mom about how you feel about all of this and see what she has to say. She may be able to offer an explanation and some comfort to you. Hang in there.

Answer 4

Try making an argument and making everyone come to one room. Once everyone is in one room and tell them of the problem. If that doesn't work try telling someone to try and help your dad.

Answer 5

Talk with a trusted & wise adult...........

You are just a small part of a larger whole, i.e. one person in the family. So many variables are in play.

It wouldn't hurt to say a prayer............

Answer 6

Have a heart to heart with your mom and ask her if she isn't concerned with your Dad's behavior. It really isn't fun to argue with someone who will not argue.

Answer 7

You get from around them my boyfriend is like that before I can say what I wanted to say he cuts right in I hate that

Answer 8

if you change your tone, tempo and use words that bring thought would get interest, then slow your speaking and keep control of the conversation and ask for more information to answers.

Answer 9

i would sit him down and explain what he is doing and how it is affecting family and friends

Answer 10

ya i also agree just ignore him.. time solves problems (don't think it is a looser think...) i Have seen it work for most of the time...