I have a really great bf and I love him more than life but recently I have been having some problems with controlling my jealous nature. He is married....wait! It`s not like that! He`s legally seperated and has been for 5 months before we started dating. We have a really awesome relationship and I love being with him but I have a REALLY hard time with the fact that he is technically still married. I met his wife once and she is a horror. I can totally see why he is divorcing her. The problem is I live with him in the house they bought together. When I first moved in, everywhere I looked there was something from their life together staring me in the face. I have lived with him for 4 months and pretty much got rid of everything from "them" in the first couple weeks I was here. Or so I thought. The other day I was cleaning out our bedroom closet and came accross some pictures and notes that were.....let`s say " of the sexual nature". I was immediately upset and......continued..........
2006-09-27 17:25:02 · 8 answers · asked by slipknots love slave 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ripped them up and threw them away. That night when he got home, I tried to be casual and not let on that anything was wrong but he still knew and asked me what was up. I confronted him with what I found and he apologized and said he had no idea they were there.....which I pretty much believe, but now I can`t get the images and words I saw out of my mind. I feel like he lied to me when he told me he never loved her the way he loves me. And I feel like I`m not at all as attractive naked as she is and I don`t know how to stop feeling hurt by the whole thing. I`m normally not jealous at all and don`t care if he watches porn, sees strippers, whatever. But this is different. They were together for 6 years, married for 11 months. I know that he DOES NOT EVER want her back no matter what and the feeling is mutual but even that doesn`t make me feel better. For some reason all of my security and faith in our relationship has been lost. How can I stop myself from being like this?
2006-09-27 17:37:01 · update #1
And actually, J P, he was seperated when I met him and HE moved in on ME. I`m not any kind of home wrecker!!
2006-09-27 17:40:49 · update #2
All of these answers suck! I won`t be picking a best. It will have to go into voting I guess.
2006-09-30 15:18:59 · update #3
Here is the problem slipknot.....you thought he never loved her, well he did...they had a relationship, you knew that. Did you honestly think he NEVER loved her? It was probably a volatile relationship and they thought if they were tied together in matrimony it would work out.....obviously it didn't. He would be feeling the same way you do had he found old love letters from some guy in your drawer....right. Its normal, some couples counseling might help though just so you can both better understand.
There are many different ways we love someone. Sometimes they have your heart forever and have since the moment you first saw them. Sometimes it grows slowly over time and getting used to each other. Sometimes you love them totally then see their faults, that you can't fix them, and that even though you love the person, you can't accept the faults. Sometimes you just like the person and when they tell you they are falling in love with you it melts you and stick with it because you believe them, even though you feel like they don't respect you, you think its in your head.......then you realize one day that it wasn't.......and its over without a look back.
You and I don't know how or why he loved this woman.....you just know that at some point she turned into a *****. I don't think anyone in their right mind would be comfortable seeing someone they loved in explicit pictures with someone else. Where you went wrong was with your own insecurity when you looked at them and when you read the notes. Its understandable, most people would, but its not wise is it? Now how do we fix it, how do you remove the images? I wish I knew, just understand that like you are insecure about your body.....you don't have to be perfect, he really doesn't care. You turn him and excite him in a way she never did.......yeah they had sex......but I bet he makes love to you like he never did to her. Wouldn't you rather have that than some explicit photos lying around.
Give it sometime babe and work through it one day at a time. There is this book by Guy Finaly called "Letting Go". Its really good, not everything in will apply to you but it will teach you some ways to let go and each time you do it will be easier.
2006-09-30 15:52:13 · answer #1 · answered by WitchTwo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is always going to have some sort of feelings for this other woman, he was married to her and at some point loved her. It's normal that he would keep some momentos of their time together but sexual? That's not right.
2006-09-27 17:32:11 · answer #2 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You start doing a married man and think things are going to be great. Dream on and let this guy get on with his life. You look like a homewrecker moving in on him so fast.
2006-09-27 17:28:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry mate but you've got to start living in the present. These things happen and it sounds like he's committed to you now. Life's short, play hard.
2006-09-30 15:48:36 · answer #4 · answered by Tom Rogers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're so loopy which you do not see each and every little thing it is occurring... it is a similar component with the jealousy one, you're so jealous which you do not see each and every little thing it is nicely occurring. i might only pass on and forget approximately in regards to the lady.
2016-10-18 02:54:46 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's way past crazy....that's just childish....why jelous whenyou know that there are other ppl out there that can charm you more then one person could.....therez no need for all of that...it's just a simple fact that ppl can live with the fact that you have something that they alwayz wanted but never had a chance to get......
2006-09-27 17:33:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
best is to ask him about the pics and notes. and also his seriousness about you.
seems you're serious and fallen for him to be jealous.
its a woman's nature to feel that way about your man.
i did with mine even when he's married but have to face reality that for me its only part time?
2006-09-27 17:34:42 · answer #7 · answered by superyoyogirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a wise girl once told me a little bit of jealousy is cute a lot is ugly. remember hes with you that counts for something
2006-09-27 17:34:01 · answer #8 · answered by greg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋