Mostly it is the man who has cold feet, but for some reason I am a little scared. He is almost perfect that is what scares me. Everyone say we are the model couple. What am I scared of?
2006-09-27 16:49:04 · 20 answers · asked by I'm Married!!!! 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
my wife and i waited 5 years to get married - mostly for me to grow up LOL! we have 17 amazing years between us, so i guess it didn't hurt us any:) aafter a couple of years the gloves came off and we really got t know each other...by the time we got married, there weren't any nasty little surprises...we had an intimate knowlege of each other as people. we have never had to deal with a lot of the newlywed "adjustments" so many people struggle with. i say take your time, and enjoy learning about each other. you are scared because there are a lot of unknowns in any relationship. only time and patience can knock down some of those barriers;) what is the rush? enjoy the ride - that is most of any good marriage. good luck!
ps. find some older couples who have the kind of intimate friendship you want in your marriage. make friends of them, and pick their brains every chance you get. it is far less painful to learn from someone else's mistakes than to learn from your own.
ultimately, marriage is a state and choice of the heart, not a walk down the aisle or a government document. i would still be married to my wife if the entire world told me i wasn't or couldn't. taking my license away, or my tax status, or even nullifiying my church wedding could not unmake the choice of my heart.
2006-09-27 17:04:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always trust your gut. It is the voice of God. Marriage isn't about perfection AT ALL!!!! It is about committing to someone with the intention of staying with them when things are about as far as perfect as you can imagine. Things no one tells you about marriage:
1. It is hard work!!! Every day. Relentless stress sometimes. And you can't leave. You have to stay and fix it even when you hate him because real love tells you that love is an action and that action is staying.
2. Every morning you wake up and recommit to the work that is required to be married.
3. You WILL fall out of the "in love" stage. Then you will really understand what love is. It is what happens when the infatuation is gone.
4. Marriage requires absolute commitment even when (not if) life gets boring, complicated, difficult, sexless, and just plain ugly.
I seriously doubt that anyone, even knowing this is ready for the rewarding challenge that marriage really is, hence the high divorce rate. Marriage is rarely exciting, interesting, fun, and romantic. It is the most rewarding and essential thing a human can do with their life however. Good luck.
2006-09-27 16:58:36 · answer #2 · answered by BadSarahBad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this feeling is very strong, then don't get married...I've seen it happen several times...the guy changes, he's not who he seems to be and there's barely any way to tell 'till it's too late:( I've seen church boys act abusive..mentally and physically, career men turn against their wives....and so on. Ask yourself, are you marrying him, because you fit well together? Or because you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with him.......Ask yourself....does he challenge me? Does he hold me? Will he love/like me if I get fat? Will he start drinking heavy? Will he go out all the time? BUT no doubt about it...you need a day alone to gather your thoughts. AND I'M NOT TRYING TO SOUND LIKE A home wrecker or anything, but the best person to consult with is an ex or a male friend.....they will be the most honest to talk to. Good Luck:)
2006-09-27 18:26:23 · answer #3 · answered by josiedickelman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. Marriage is a comitment you are placing before God and society to be together till death do you part. Its scary to think that you will be waking up to the same person for the rest of your life. Its scary to think, this is it! My life is now paved down. And even though you may love this man very much, the what if's are always there.
Think about it in dept. This man may be the true love of your life. As with all risks, sometimes you just have to jump in. You may have hit the jack pot but how will you know if dont gamble?
2006-09-27 17:06:57 · answer #4 · answered by muuuua 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you secretly feel that you might miss out on something if you get married to soon? The thing is if you have any doubts give yourself time you don't want to rush into marriage and then end up with one or both of you getting hurt. Long engagements are IN. Give it time, get to know eachother more, and not until you are 100% positive without a shadow of doubt do you walk down that aisle and give your heart and hand to someone FOREVER.
Best Wishes!!!
2006-09-27 16:50:42 · answer #5 · answered by poetic princess 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think some people are afraid of actually having a good thing. I think its insecurity. I would say take your time and think through logically what it is that really scares you? is it that you could actually have the happily ever after ending or is it that you are not perfect and may not be able to keep him. or is there something else. deal with it now or deal with it at marriage counseling.
2006-09-27 20:03:53 · answer #6 · answered by Armond B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
relying on how lengthy you been engaged --communicate which includes your boyfriend about a planned wedding ceremony date. Your being scared is a terror that something can get it incorrect or he will replace his ideas. imagine effective and solid out detrimental wondering. Being quite a lot suitable on your sight is a demonstration that both of you've compatibility and actually belongs at the same time. Others also looks to settle on your courting as effective,
2016-12-06 07:05:50 · answer #7 · answered by dustman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a good question to ask yourself.
Obviously you have a nagging doubt about marrying him. What's bothering you about the marriage to him?
Nobody is perfect! But you have to know his weaknesses and accept them to live as man and wife. If you are not prepared to accept his weaknesses, then it will not work in the long run!
2006-09-27 16:59:24 · answer #8 · answered by G.T. L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have every right to be scared. you're about to get married and spend the rest of your life with this person, there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to wait until you know you are ready
2006-09-27 16:53:21 · answer #9 · answered by J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is great and everything but I mean if you're living together its just the same for the most part. Take your time. Plus you'll be paying more taxes. Just take it one month at a time and enjoy each other.
2006-09-27 16:59:25 · answer #10 · answered by Motorpsycho 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋