Is he a deadbeat, or am I impatient?

Question

I have a question about a guy I've been dating for almost 6 months:

He was a philosophy major in school, got his bachelor's, & was mostly through his masters when he decided that field wasn't for him. He left school 3 years ago, and has worked some temp jobs, been a manager at Autozone, and is now--according to his his own description--a glorified delivery man.
He tried paralegal school for a year, & decided that wasn't for him either. He just turned 34.
To me, it seems that in 3 years he should have a game plan, but he doesn't. He wants to change careers, but doesn't know what he wants to do.
I am becoming less & less attracted to him because I want more of an "alpha male": Someone who see's what needs to be done, and does it.
However, I have been accused in the past of having standards that are too high.

What do y'all think?

Thank you for your input :)

Answer 1

NEVER think of your standards as too high. You deserve the best and someone that works equally as hard as you do. Your are having these feelings for a reason and they are not to be ignored. I wouldn't say he is a deadbeat but is definitely having trouble paving his path in life. Maybe sitting down and talking to him about his goals and aspirations in life is a good idea. Put your feelings out there and take a chance ... you never deserve less than you feel ... and don't let anyone tell you any different.

Answer 2

Have him visit a doctor to see if he has adult ADHD. This is a common symptom in adults. They often make impulsive decisions about career changes and have a difficult time staying focused on any career path. Daydreams and boredom more than often fill the void and cause the strange behavior.

I turn 34 soon and can relate to him because I'm about to change careers and nothing I've done in the past 5 years relates to anything I studied in college. However, some of us are just looking for that golden egg, and he may be trying to find to best pay for the simplest of work. I'm changing my career for more pay and no current room left for advancement where I'm at. So its time to move on.

Just a couple of perspectives. Good luck.

Answer 3

I was accused of having standards that were too high, too. Hang in there. It's worth it. Your gut is telling you something and you need to listen. Do you really think that someone who is 34 yrs old just hasn't "found his niche" yet? He doesn't want to grow up, dear. My husband, the man I respected from the beginning, worked odd dead end jobs too, WHILE he was putting himself through school. Then he did everything that was required to succeed in his field. And still does. Does he LOVE it? No. Is it stressful hard work? yes. But, he made a consious decision to do it. Does he look forward to the day he can retire? definitely. But he does not intend to sit back and rest on his "laurels" then. Sounds like your guy doesn't want to be responsible and grow up. He should have been done with school, what, 12 years ago? Is he afraid of failure? He probably is not going to change, so unless you are content to be with someone with no motivation or desire to "make something" of himself, then you need to close the door on this one so you can open a door to the man you are looking for. He's out there somewhere, but you'll never find him while you're tied down to a wishy-washy immature guy like this one. Be patient. You'll find what you deserve; this guy isn't it, though.

Answer 4

If you want an alpha male, this isn't your man. You need a business major or a chemist or another "hard" science or math or criminal justice or political science. This sounds like a really nice guy and not necessarily a deadbeat but he will never be the man you want. There are lots of decisive strong leaders out there. Don't settle for a man who isn't what you want.
You barely mention ever being attracted to him. Dump him now.

Answer 5

Deadbeat. He won't ever change, I promise. Run like hell in the opposite direction. I know that I'm going to get a bunch of thumbs downs for this answer, but I'm related to about 15 of these types of men, and they are all the same. They're looking for something to do that really doesn't feel like work to them that they get to make a bunch of money doing. Guess what? Without sacrifice, that doesn't exist. I've paid my dues and now all of those deadbeats in my family call me to ask for money and then get upset with I don't give it to them. Stupid. If you don't listen to me now, you'll wish you had in about 10 years.

Answer 6

I think if you are looking for a mature relationship you need to get out of this one. Why settle for something that you don't want. Imagine having children with someone like that? I have also been accused of having high standards but that's OK why do I want someone who does not have goals in their life?

Answer 7

well if ur ivy league or above-matieral material in relationship wise then hell no ur standards are not too high .. thats a deadbeat 34 without a career? if ur below the curve.. meh u still deserve better.. sorry if this sounds superifcial just being honest

Answer 8

HIs attention span lasts about 5 mins. I'm surprised your relationship lasted this long. As long as he is continually working and bringing home the bacon, why should you care. But if he is taking alot time in between these carreers, best for you to move on to someone more stable.

Answer 9

First - STAY AWAY from philosophy majors!!! (no offense to anyone, but they all seem to follow this pattern).
Second - if you want a ring, house, or children in the future, I would suggest moving on.

Answer 10

He's 34 and still vague?

Give him six months to really do something (No, working at Tower Records doesn;t count, either); otherwise, you have to move on