An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!" "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me that he thinks you're really cute!"
2006-09-27 15:38:36 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I'm sorry to say this, but you told it totally wrong, here is how it REALLY goes....
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
2006-09-27 15:41:45 · answer #1 · answered by coca_cola_froggy 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
A man is driving home down a dark a desolate road when all of a sudden another man flags him down. the man stops his car and asks what the problem is- second man pulls out a knife and tells him to hand over all his cash and then to take off his clothes, explains he just got out of prison and needs to change his appearance then has the motorists roll down the widow on the passenger side and bend through then binds his ankles to his wrists then runs off. An hour or two later a motorcycle cop sees the stranded man and pulls over. The now crying motorist says "thank god, you won't believe what happened" then quickly explains the whole story to the cop. As the is walking up with one hand pulling down the zipper on his pants he says "this just hasn't been your lucky night, has it?"
2006-09-27 23:32:38 · answer #2 · answered by schlepp 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'
2006-09-27 22:42:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Roflmao that was funny lol ewww he is gonna have to give up the sex he should've known that was gonna happen hello he was in prison escaped convict you know somebody been up his back lol
2006-09-27 22:41:50 · answer #4 · answered by taffy2513 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Funny.
2006-09-27 22:40:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Haha, that little plan backfired on him. If thats a real story, then he pretty much dug himself in a deep hole, he couldnt turn back.
2006-09-27 22:40:55 · answer #6 · answered by Andrew 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LMAO. that is really hilarious. this is where you'd think that perhaps he needs to practise what he preaches. start taking his own advise if their lives depend on it.
2006-09-27 22:42:22 · answer #7 · answered by kristyb872001 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG!!!!!!! that is like the funniest thing i have ever heard tell more joked u r the best!!! that is like so funny. i mean it is nasty but who cares? that is hilarious!!!!
2006-09-27 22:55:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've heard it before, but it gets a laugh every time.
2006-09-27 22:50:41 · answer #9 · answered by chrystallec 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I almost posted the same joke
2006-09-27 22:41:20 · answer #10 · answered by kandn 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋