i have 2 children, one is 2 1/2 and the other is almost a year old. I feel very overwhelmed when it comes to taking on all the responsiblities when it comes to both of them. My husband and I have a major problem with what is fair when it comes to them. I feel like when hes home from work he should help out with cleaning up after dinner, baths, picking up the house. He feels like he gets no rest time, but either do I . When hes at work, I am going non stop with chores and my 2 girls. Then he gets home does his thing and rests.Fine with me. But how much time goes by before I should ask for help. Sometimes he will lay on the couch. Yea he associates with the girls, but I will be getting all frustrated because I will be cleaning, cooking, laundry, and the girls will be bugging me for attention, and he doesnt understand why Iam getting mad at him. Am I out of line by feeling like this? We cant seem to settle this dispute between us, and I keep pulling further away from him. PLEASE HELP!!
2006-09-27 12:48:27 · 16 answers · asked by 2girlsmother 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
ok, i think some of the people answering this question must live in the dark ages.... lol (u should be happy he aint out drinking or beating on you?) what is that all about? why should you settle? that is nuts... what would he do if he were a single father? who would clean the house and wait on him and tend to the kids? marriage and parenting is a partnership. whether you work outside of the house or not that does not matter, you do not owe it to him to keep his clothes clean, house clean, or kids clean, they are his responsibilities equally as well. i really do feel for you b/c i know you must be about to go nuts with no help, and nowhere to vent, your children are very young and require alot of attention... when he clicks the time clock, he gets rest, when is your rest supposed to come? you have to learn to stand up for yourself. you do not need to ask him about things changing you need to demand it, u are a person too, you get tired too. to be a good mom and wife you need some of your burden lifted. Good Luck with everything! PS: the people who answered this question saying anything other than what i have said has never been in your position and do not know what they are talking about.
2006-09-27 14:24:08 · answer #1 · answered by browneyedmomof3 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am shocked and appalled that anyone would suggest that since Dad goes to work, he has done enough for the day.
Did he help create the children? How can anyone say that he needs to do no more than lay on the couch with his feet up because he "worked all day"? His workday ended at 5PM. When does Mom get a break? She doesn't. Well after he has come home, she is still at it, and this is deemed fair?
I feel sorry for your relationships.
The father is equally responsible for the care of his children. Does he have to do chores? not necessarily. But when Mom is still toiling after he comes home, his responsibility is taking care of the kiddies while Mom finishes up. He should help put them to bed. He should make sure their bath is done. And then BOTH can rest when the kids are in bed.
If he doesn't want to do this, then ask him to finish up with the chores while you tend to the children.
Anything less is inexcusable. If he is not receptive, then I suggest counseling. Men aren't just breadwinners, they need to be a father too.
2006-09-27 20:01:05 · answer #2 · answered by rouschkateer 5 · 7⤊ 0⤋
I agree that he should be helping. My husband will go to work and he will come home and rest. I have talked to him and told him that I am still working even when he gets him. I tell him that he needs to interact with the kids more. I know that he is supporting the family, but I am supporting the family buy keeping the kids out of daycare and not having that extra money gone.
I usually clean so much that my husband never needs to clean, but when I cook dinner and he leaves his dishes in the sink, I will say "Hey, I just did a loan of dishes, would you mind putting that in the dish washer?" Or when he pulls something out, I will tell him that I just picked up that spot and would like him to put it back. My husband is getting better. And he understands that I work a lot at home too. Talking would help.
Just because he is the "provider" doesn't mean that he can't still be a husband and dad in the house.
2006-09-27 20:18:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
OK I had a husband like that and I too was frustrated at his lack of interest in his kids ,no I don't think he should come home and do house work but he dam well should be playing /bathing the kids while you cook dinner ,my EX would just look at me struggling with tired kids and dinner and would be surprised when I snapped at him ,no we did not break up over this ,I put up with it but it was on my list when things went bad and after we separated he discovered ,"shock horror" that he didn't know anything about his own kids ,he had no clue how to take care of them or what class they were in at school ,nothing .it was a real eye opener for him.Tell your man that..tell him that kids grow up and need a daddy too ,you both had those kids not just you.Its about being a part of the family not just the money man ,and as you said he gets off work ,you don't..PS I have two more kids to husband no 2 and he will help with dinner and on the weekends he helps me catch up with the washing ,he wont do the dishes but I don't ask him too ,he plays with the kids and stuff and we are a much happier family than my first.
2006-09-27 20:46:51 · answer #4 · answered by stephanie n 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
stop doing everything during the day let him come home to no clean clothes a dirty bathroom and no dinner and tell him i'm sorry i took some time off from doing nothing.....he will get your point........i did that once and my husband does laundry now before he leaves for work and if i leave a basket by the steps he puts it away....and he will vacum etc....
2006-09-27 20:42:29 · answer #5 · answered by christina c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i think that you should ask him for help because,
yes he may work hard all day long and yes he may be tired and irrated but so are you. Everybody needs to relax and from the looks of it it sounds like hes doin the majority of it. Just go talk to him in a mature adult way. Im sure if he saw what you had to deal with day by day he'd totally wanna help!
2006-09-27 20:13:25 · answer #6 · answered by santanababyfalife 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
No offense intended but do you work? If not it is only fair of you do be doing the household things and taking care of the kids. Yes he should be involved with the kids but not the cleaning part of it. Him giving you a break from the kids is apporiate for him to do but make sure you let him relax first. Maybe after dinner he could watch the kids for 1 hr or so while you go and relax. That is what a stay at home mom is and does.
2006-09-27 19:55:09 · answer #7 · answered by chiefs fan 4 · 1⤊ 4⤋
You are not asking too much. He helped create the children, and the house is his. He should be able to help you with the kids in the evening and he should be spending time with them anyway!
2006-09-27 21:14:19 · answer #8 · answered by missiekay91101 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you are, but I've always done, and still do after 43 years, my share of household chores including laundry and ironing.
2006-09-27 19:56:45 · answer #9 · answered by williegod 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
welcome to the club...my hubby is the same way..i work and i have three kids i get up in the morning with them ,make breakfast,lunches for school,walk them to school,and go to work while they are at school then i go pick up my youngest and have to go back later in the day to pick up my other two children...my hubby gets home and usually sits back and relaxes and i still have to do everything....so my advice to you is give him a choice..tell him to help out a lil more or ur going on strike..no laundry/ no dishes /no cooked meals..see how he likes that idea ..seems like ur being taken for granted..trust me i've been there..well good luck..hope you work things out...take care
2006-09-27 22:57:12 · answer #10 · answered by baby d 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋