My husband found my 10 year old daughter and her 9 year old friend (girl) in bed together (in pj's) after school. Now, he thinks my daughter is gay. The shades were pulled and the door was closed. I don't know what to think.
2006-09-27 12:28:35 · 43 answers · asked by Shocked_Mom 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I have three responses: First, depending on her general disposition and your family life, I'd say she may just be wanting some love, are you affectionate with her? Does she know she is precious and valuable to you? Second, she may be experimenting. Don't make a big deal of it, make it a gentle rule that her door needs to be open when friends are over. Oh, and the first thing you need to do is talk to her about what you think you saw, gently and respectfully. Third, what if she is gay? She's the same lovely girl you loved before this happened. She's still just as funny and bright and capable, just gay. This may be more about how you and your husband treat her than anything else. Love her.
2006-09-27 12:36:32 · answer #1 · answered by toughjoycey55 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all she is only ten. Second have you ever had a conversation with your daughter about sex and sexuality. Maybe you should. It may answer some questions she has and it will probably reasure you that she is still just a ten year old little girl who hasn't even developed her sexuality yet.
Being in bed with another girl with that door closed doesn't have to be anything sexual at all. When I was little my friend and I used to shut the door cover the windows and get under the blankets and pretend we were on a fishing boat in the middle of a storm.
It seems to me (and please don't take this the wrong way) that if your husband was so quick to jump on the possibility of your daghter being gay by witnessing such a simple incident that he may have more issues with sexuality than your daughter does.
2006-09-27 12:41:53 · answer #2 · answered by c3llar_door 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They were probably playing sleepover or something equally innocent. Now if they were nude you could be concerned, but my 4 year old daughter and her friends play camp out and dress in pjs. Why didn't you ask her what they were playing?
If you are uncomfortable with them in bed, shades pulled, etc. TALK to her. ASK her what they were playing. Tell her, if you don't want her to play that anymore, that playing in her bed with her friends is not appropriate. But, again, if they were playing sleepover or something no big deal.
The key is open communication. And don't freak out. Tell your husband to chill. Let kids be kids. Imagintive play IS a good thing.
2006-09-27 13:32:33 · answer #3 · answered by Beth M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The weird part about this situation is is that you husband thinks your daughter is gay, now just because her and her friend were in her room with door and shades closed does not mean their gay. They probably just want some privacy.
2006-09-27 15:06:19 · answer #4 · answered by Tia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most likely your daughter is having a private conversation, that she doesn't want her parents into. I have locked the doors, closed the blinds, ect, to talk to a few gal friends and guys. Its just her age to want to step out of the little times, when her parents know every aspect of her life. Also normally kids dont have "sexual" or "personal" feelings for either the same gender or the opposite till the age of 15. But now adays with television and its MTV, they fall in love with the idea of a girlfriend/boyfriend. But again I can almost guarante that its just her growing up and moving on to "her time."
2006-09-27 12:40:03 · answer #5 · answered by Hetal P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh for God's sake, they're kids. If they were experimenting sexually,they would'nt be wearing pyjamas. They were probably shutting out problems they'd had at school that day,just talking as friends do. Did'nt you and your husband ever have secrets when you were kids?Before her dad sends for the Gay Police and have your daughter burnt on a stake,let her explain...and learn to trust her more. Can I ask what your husband was doing in the room? I'm not implying anything,but he should knock on girls doors first
2006-09-27 12:39:10 · answer #6 · answered by Taylor29 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
personally, I think that it is not until much later that a person's true sexual orientation can be understood. The shades were pulled and door closed probably because the light and noise bothered them and they wanted to sleep (hence the pjs). I suggest that you don't worry about it for at least a few more years.
2006-09-27 12:31:31 · answer #7 · answered by Megan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
not trying to put your husband down but his train of thought has derailed for the moment. excuse me for that but he,s allowed to think like that be cause he's seeing this as a problem without knowing what was really happening. young girls share everything from clothes to questions about sexuality. if she exhibits more of a love for her other female friends then thats normal. it's up to you to school her on such actions as gender preference. all this is actually years away but you and your husband can still teach her little facts about lifeand do's and do nots. seriously though, ( shades pulled and door closed) figure it out. A SIMULATION OF NIGHTTIME! you can deal with it. put a delay on the word gay until there is proof
2006-09-27 14:20:36 · answer #8 · answered by tanyahurt76 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even if they were doing "something" doesn't mean she is gay, just means she is curious. Talk to her but don't make a big deal out of it. I caught my two daughter 7 and 4 french kissing once I just told them it wasen't an ok thing to do and let it go, kids will be kids. I am sure they saw something on tv that they wondered about, let her know if she wants to ask you anything you will be there for her. Good luck
2006-09-27 12:32:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
More likely than not she was doing something "different." However, for some reason or another women seem to be more prone to experiment with other girls than with boys at that age. (Mainly because they typically do not have access to that many boys at that age.) So your best bet is not to freak out, but rather stress to your daughter that you don't mind if her friend comes over but that they should always leave the door open :)
2006-09-27 12:35:04 · answer #10 · answered by juliazumba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋