on the pressure from her and my grandparents to date be with and marry a spanish guy?I would prefer not to have to see my italian bf by sneaking out the window at 18 they dont know he is not spanish but assume he is spanish and are throwing a fit because he is 22.
2006-09-27 12:11:32 · 15 answers · asked by Melanie o 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
when i stoped looking for a boyfriend i did find one he just happened to be Itlian not spanish.Would it be wrong to to try and pass him off to my mom as Spanish?
2006-09-27 12:12:21 · update #1
They say they want there culture passed down
2006-09-27 12:15:34 · update #2
funny thing is my dad and his family could care less!
2006-09-27 12:24:55 · update #3
I can't explain your mom's view.
You did a very good job of explaining it to me though.
The truth is as long as you live in your parents home they call the shots. Wait until you have your own place to try to make changes.
If you want to keep the peace at home, you will have to be respectful...but....
There is nothing wrong with trying to have a conversation with your parents about the new ways. Good Luck, I hope someone else can help you more than I have? It is really sweet of you to try to understand your mom's view.
2006-09-27 12:18:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see two main factors here:
1) Your mom is very protective. You are 18, he can buy alcohol. This is understandable.
2) Your family wants you to date within your own race. This is understandable for a lot of reasons, but these reasons are becoming obsolete in the 21st century. Prejudice is so yesterday's thinking!
Your family still has some say in your affairs because (presumably) you still live at home. But realize that you will eventually get to (have to) make your own choices. I myself see nothing wrong with dating/marrying outside my race - in fact, marrying someone from outside my race is exactly what I did!
2006-09-27 19:19:26 · answer #2 · answered by AntiDisEstablishmentTarianism 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this, but I think your mom's views are all wrong on this issue, for two reasons: for the prejudice about races and for the pressure on you. Unfortunately, I think there is not much you could do here, as people usually stand to their prejudice very strongly and don't give it up easily. But I think you should keep your love, even if you have to keep it (him) a secret.
But here is an idea you could think of: take some of your Spanish male friends to your home and introduce him to your parents as your boyfriend. Then when you go out, they will think you are going out with him and you won't have to sneak out of the window.
But I would like to tell you one more thing, I hope you won't mind. Although you are 18 and although you are not too young to choose a boyfriend, you are still very young for some things. What I mean to say is if you believe that this is the love of your life, it might be, but it doesn't have to. The world looks different according to one's experience and experience usually (but not necessarily) comes with age. I am not referring here to your mom, I don't see her in this story at all, as she is occupied with her prejudice rather than being occupied with you, I am just talking about you and I advise you only to be careful and to be aware that when someone thinks he or she is in love at 18, it might be just an exaggeration, although it is doesn't have to be. So, just think twice, that's all I am saying.
And good luck!
2006-09-27 20:07:47 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Smart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yesterday you said you lived with your parents and they are paying for everything including College.
I am sure they want the best for you and have worked hard to give you what you need. I don't believe College is cheap and they must be sacrificing so that you can have a College education.
Right now you are living off of them and you need to respect their wishes if you can't resolve this matter with them.
Is it so important to be with him, that you would give up the College education? You are 18 and you could go get a job and move out. When you are on your own, do what ever you want.
And you wouldn't have to climb out of a window.
2006-09-27 19:48:54 · answer #4 · answered by Plain Jane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU NEED TO BE HONEST WITH YOUR PARENTS BECAUSE IN THE LONG RUN THEY WILL ALWAYS FIND OUT AND YOU DON'T WANT TO THINK YOU ARE A LIAR. YOU MUST TALK TO YOUR PARENTS ABOUT THAT ITALIAN AND SPANISH THING . FIRST OF ALL I'M MARRIED TO AN ITALIAN GUY AND HIS PARENTS WANTED HIM TO MARRY AN ITALIAN GIRL. WELL GUESS WHAT I'M NOT ALL ITALIAN I'M SPANISH JEW. THAT DIDN'T MAKE THEM TO HAPPY. BUT GUESS WHAT THEY DIDN'T REALLY HAVE A SAY IN THE MATTER BECAUSE WE WERE OLDER. ANY WAY DO WHAT YOUR PARENTS SAY THEY KNOW BEST BELIEVE ME. I KNOW ITS EASY FOR ME TO SAY BUT IN THE LONG RUN THEY ARE RIGHT WHEN YOU ARE OLDER AND YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN MIND UP THEN YOU CAN TELL THEM WHERE TO GO AND HOW TO GET THERE LOLOLO. BUT FOR NOW GIRL YOU MUST DO AS THEY SAY. YOUR PARENTS AND GRANDPARENTS SOUND LIKE THERE FROM THE OLD SCHOOL. JUST GRIN AND BEAR IT. ALSO, GIRL ITALIAN MEN ARE NOT ALL THAT. THEY ARE ALL IN LOVE WITH THERE MOMMYS GOOD LUCK AND DON'T BE TO SERIOUS
ENJOY YOUR LIFE
2006-09-27 19:24:40 · answer #5 · answered by jennifer g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your old enough now to make that decision on your own. You have to do what feels right. Your the one that has to marry the guy...not them. As far as your mom and grandparents are concerned....try and understand where they're coming from. I think it's more of a heritage thing with them.
2006-09-27 20:24:19 · answer #6 · answered by xxx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your question when you said they wanted to see their culture passed down. Old school thinking but still very much alive. They still do not see themselves as Americans, but Spanish Americans.
2006-09-27 19:21:48 · answer #7 · answered by williegod 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As an African American I can understand that ther eis a strong since of family ans heritage they are just trying to instil that into you I totally understand but I also get that u want to live your life try talking to your family
2006-09-27 19:20:21 · answer #8 · answered by cora7391 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
..why cant two cultures be passed down ? your eighteen and have to make your own choice in dating ..bring him around to your home let your parents get to know him they might like him...if and when you decide to marry and have children they can learn about two cultures .whatever you do don't lie, it just makes things more difficult in the future
2006-09-27 19:23:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, be honest with them. If he is Italian he probably is of the same religion as your family. An 18 yo is an adult and you can do as you please. You should consider moving out though.
2006-09-27 19:21:02 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋