Birth parents?

Question

Today my "birth mom" called me we had a good conversation,as I was getting ready to hang up with her I called her by her first name,she got pissed off at me for doing it,I don't feel close enough to her to call her mom,yes she gave birth to me,but I wasnt raised by her.My adopted parents are my mom and dad,so my question is am i in the wrong,should i just call her mom.and feel uncomfortable about it,or just call her by her first name and let her get mad?

Answer 1

You don't say what it is that she wants you to call her. Is it that she doesn't want you to use her first name?

Would you feel comfortable calling her Mother, instead? Or Ma?

How about Bio-Mom? (But only if she has a sense of humor.) or Biom, or something.

I agree about talking to her about how you don't know what to call her, and see if you can't come up with something you both can live with.

It doesn't detract from your Mom (who raised you) to also call someone else that, but I can see why it doesn't feel right, either.

(BTW, this is similar to the problem people have when they get married when they talk to their in-laws -- though yours is a bit trickier.)

Answer 2

Wow, that is a tough one. I guess I would call her by her first name until such a time came when I felt comfortable calling her mom. I am not sure I would get that comfortable if it were me. I don't think you are wrong at all. She shouldn't expect you to call her mom either. It would be interesting to know why she put you up for adoption in the first place. Good luck!

Answer 3

That's something you have to talk to her about. No one can take the place of your birth mother, but if someone took that "mom" role, she has to understand that. If you don't feel comfortable calling her "mom", then don't. She has to understand that being called "mom" is a priveledge, even if she's the one that gave birth to you.

I can understand her disappointment in the whole deal, but she has to live with it. Or at least try to understand it.

Answer 4

Your adoptive parents are your parents...They have raised you and Loved you and apparently you appreciate and love them very much! You deserve a round of applause for that! Your "Birth Mom" is nothing more then an "Egg Donner! You do NOT have to call her Mom and she has NO right to expect you too! You have the right to tell her to stay out of your life since she chose to stay out of yours from the start. Hugs your parents -Tell them how much you love and appreciate them and then tell "the Egg Donner" to go away & forget about her and god bless you!

Answer 5

Tell her whats bothering you. Perhaps SHE feels "uncomfortable" when you call her by her first name. It seems to me that the two of you should be able to figure out something you can call her that is acceptable to you both. My kids called their step dad "stad" for many years. They still do sometimes...the terms holds much affection and many memories for them. So TALK to her. This doesn't sound like an insurmountable problem.

Answer 6

I think that you are perfectly within your rights to call her whatever you feel comfortable with. I think that it would be irresponsible to jump into total trust and I would be worried if you did want to call this woman that you barely know "mom". I think that she probably needs to learn to respect your feelings, and that you should call her whatever you feel comfortable with.

Start calling her "biological mom" and see if she likes that better.

Answer 7

Discuss your discomfort with her. Maybe the two of you can come up with a special, meaningful name for her that only you call her. You have to try to get her to understand your point of view and she also has to be willing to understand your point of view. I hope you are able to get her to understand and I hope she is open-minded enough to hear what you are saying.

Answer 8

call her mrs smith tell her you call your Mom who raised you Mom and do not see her as your Mother..