2006-09-27 09:32:45 · 47 answers · asked by Trish H 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Low self esteem... lack of confidence.
2006-09-27 09:34:02 · answer #1 · answered by tbayxxxv 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough question because the topic is so complicated and it's never a easy answer. There are a many factors.
1)Generally, when someone is abused as a child, even if the abuse is just verbal, they grow up hard-wired to expect this kind of treatment and view it as acceptable. Even thought, logically they know others don't put up with some such things, they think that they are different and don't deserve better.
2)The other thing is that abusers are often incredibly manipulative. They blame the abused for the provoking them, so the abused partner feels that it was their fault for doing something to make their partner mad. And while the abuser is blaming they also apologive emphatically and try to make up for their outbursts with very fancy gifts or even money. Once the abused hears the abuser is sorry they feel very compelled to accept the apology and it often takes a long long time for the abused person to realize that this is a pattern that is never going to end. They want to believe so badly that it was just a one time thing or that it doesn't happen enough for them to uproot their life and family to get away from this person. Just think when you're in a nasty argument with someone you love and they say they are sorry, that's pretty much all you want. It's same for abused people, they just think these kinds of violent acts are forgivable when a lot of us do not.
3) The abuser scares their victims so they are afraid to leave AND
4) Abusers act like they can not live without their partner in their life so victims feel responsible for the abused, thinking that if they leave the person will lose their mind or something horrible.
Abuse is not just physical, it's also psychological warfare.
2006-09-27 09:45:55 · answer #2 · answered by NutterButter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lack of self-confidence, and fear. Fear of being alone, fear of leaving a constant that's been part of their life a long time, fear of retaliation when they leave. Hope that this time really will be the last and that no more promises will be broken and that they'll once more see the person they fell in love with. The belief forced upon them by the abuser that it's their fault and they deserve it and that if they change, if they're just a little better, that it will stop. The forced belief that they're worthless and no one will love or care for them if they leave. Fear of being judged by family and friends. The abused can come up with an amazingly long list of excuses and justifications. Ask why they stay, and it's always an excuse for the abuser as an answer. You rarely get an answer with "I" in it.
2006-09-27 09:39:50 · answer #3 · answered by brainy_blonde 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even people with confidence and self esteem can get caught in a violent relationship. its all about power and love. you love them so they have the power. these people are normally very clever and calculating. they always start off absolutely fantastic and a wonderful person, so the other partner is constantly trying to get that back. the other part is conditioning. if someone tells you , that you are fat,useless, ugly etc enough times you begin to believe it and thats when the self esteem and confidence starts to go. all this however is different for each relationship and i can only speak for me after spending 3 years in a very violent relationship, despite generally being a very strong, confident person. the one thing i don't understand is getting into more than 1 abusive relationship, because after i got out, i took up martial arts, regained my friendships and became even more confident. and i would never ever go back to that.
2006-09-27 09:43:54 · answer #4 · answered by Georgie's Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many times it is because they have allowed themselves to believe that they deserve it. They have been told they are losers, worthless, and a whole host of other things for so long, that they believe they deserve to be treated that way and it is the best they can do. It is sad, but it happens all the time. Abusers are all most all the time controllers as well and they are good at making people think it is their fault... If you are in one, get out, you can do a lot better...
2006-09-27 09:40:31 · answer #5 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most dangerous time is when you're trying to leave. The abuser is feeling a loss of power and is more easily feeling anger. Also the first sign of an abuser is isolating the person from their friends and family so they have no where to go.
2006-09-27 09:38:32 · answer #6 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people do because they have low self esteem. They have been mentally abused as well and after being told they are worthless for so long they begin to believe it. Also they can be fearful that they will be killed if they leave. If you know of someone in this type of relationship do all that you can to help them out of it.
2006-09-27 09:37:55 · answer #7 · answered by cramcram62 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with Angel. A girl I knew very well was caught up with a complete nutter of a husband. It took ages to get her to leave.
She was a bright intelligent, well adjusted person!
She stayed with me for a while, which seemed, rightly or wrongly, to give her time to focus. She finally moved onto pastures new. The last I heard was, she was in a truly loving relationship and happy. Fortunately there were no youngsters involved!
2006-09-27 10:54:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because the abuser has brow beat them so bad that they believe it when the abuser tells them they are no good and no one will ever want them. They are also scared to death that if they leave, the abuser will follow through with his/her threats and hurt them or their families.
Some people stay because they foolishly believe that if they love their abuser enough, they can change them. It will never happen.
2006-09-27 09:40:10 · answer #9 · answered by I love my husband 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely agree with Anna. I was in an abusive relationship for a while and I wasn't in it for the drama because I would practically shake when he drank (fear of fights). I just felt afraid to leave, I didn't know what the world held for me and the unknown is scary. Eventually, you do reach your breaking point and realize that you want to live.
2006-09-27 09:38:04 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs_Rivera2U 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have asked this question for over 30 years becuase I don't quite get it either. Most people tell me because they have no place to go, no money, no friends, no hope. Many were also subjected to bad treatment growing up and do not know what being treated right really means. Try to understand and if possible, donate things that you can to the local womens shelter. It really does come in handy for some of the women that show up there with nothing but the clothes on their back.. Thanks! GaryT
2006-09-27 09:36:12 · answer #11 · answered by gary t 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋