fav joke yallllllll?

Question

funniest will be best answwer

Answer 1

what's green, slimy, and smells like pork?
kermit's finger.
♣

Answer 2

Your kid has been kidnapped
A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took him behind a building, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"





Why are you yelling that?
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue.

The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "green side up!"

In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow.

He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "green side up!"

The lady was somewhat curious, but she said nothing.

In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color.

The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "green side up!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod (grass) across the street.

Answer 3

heres is a ten point selection from my arsenal .......

A guy decides he is going to throw a party, not just any party he wants to have an emotions party, so he tells everyone to come Friday night dressed as there favorite emotion. Friday night comes he gets a knock at the door, it is a girl dressed head to toe in pink feathers, he says ''oh you're tickled pink come on in'' .. a little bit later another knock at the door, it is a guy dressed in a green suit with his face painted green , the guy says ''Hi I'am green with envy'' and walks in ..... several guests arive dressed as different emotions, after quite some time he hears a knock at the door , he opens the door to see two enormous black men buck naked except one has a pear jammed on his penis the other has an eclair jammed on his penis.. The shocked host says ""can I help you'' one of the men answers ""this heres the emotions party right ?"' the host says ""umm well yea, but what are you?"" The guy answers saying '' well I'Am deep in Dis-pear and he is fu*ckin dis-custad'' .......

Answer 4

Short N olide - a nughty joke here?
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

Answer 5

Sorry, I have already posted my funny jokes.

You will have to look for my profile or picture to find them.

Answer 6

Two egga boiling in a pan,
One goes "Ooh I've got a crack!"
Other goes "Don't tell me I'm not even hard yet!"

Answer 7

this blonde wants to call her mom in France but it cost her $400.00 she says its too much money but she will do anything to talk to her mom...the man at the store says ANYTHING??? oh yes anything ...so he says ok follow me so she does...get on ur knees she does...unzip my pants she does...now take it out she does he lays back and in a whisper says go on!! holding it with both hAnds she says HELLO MOM!!!!

Answer 8

What's an old woman smell like?

Depends!

Answer 9

there are three groups in society. There's one that doesn't know how to do math and there's one that does.

Answer 10

Whats black and blue and doesn't like sex?
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The 9 year old boy in my trunk