i am a carer for my mum and my son, i also have another 4 children that need my time and attention, they are not small now but still need me. i feel really bad if i tell my sick son he cant come with me, or that i need to do something woithout him. how do i do this without feeling bad.
2006-09-27 09:21:49 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
You certainly shouldn't feel quilty, but what you know in your head is different than what you feel in your heart. This small bit of time that you are allowing yourself, is proably the only thing that is keeping you sane. You should enjoy this time, it's your medicine. If you don't take care of yourself physically and mentally you won't be any good for anyone much less your son and your Mother.
So, take the that time, you deserve it, but you also need it. Please don't feel guilty, because everyone has to have a break. When you work a job, you are entitled to a break. And I don't know of any harder job than taking care of sick family members. I took care of my Mother-in-law for awhile, and a trip to the grocery store was like a vacation. So, I kind of know what you are going through, but I didn't have a sick child and then 4 others that depended upon me. Honey, if you don't take time for yourself you are going to end up in worse shape then the ones you are caring for. So, please please don't feel quilty, I would encourage you to get out as much as you possibly can. So, you enjoy the breaks!
God bless us all......................
2006-09-27 09:43:29 · answer #1 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First of all it really is extremely important to take time for yourself since you spend all your energy caring for others. I am not sure how you can stop feeling bad about telling your son he can't come with you other than telling yourself that if you do take time for yourself you will inevitably be a better caregiver to those who depend on you. I don't always agree with Dr. Phil but he does say that the best thing you can do for your children is to look after their mother.
I think the more you do set these boundaries for yourself the easier it will get and eventually your son will get used to it. It's just a different behavior for him because he is so used to you being there. He should eventually get accustomed to you going places without him- it just may take some time of him getting upset and you feeling bad. I am not sure what condition your son has but is there something special you can have him be doing with the person you leave him with so that he looks forward to those times as a treat? Or each time you go out with out him bring him home something little (like from the dollarstore). I would suggest the first option if he wouldn't be able to connect you leaving with a treat hours later.
Good luck to yourself and I really hope you figure out a way to take time for yourself.
2006-09-27 16:30:36 · answer #2 · answered by Sue P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in your position years ago, I never took time out because of the guilt. I ended up having a breakdown, both physical and nervous exhaustion.
Tell yourself you need time to yourself to recharge your batteries so that you can continue to do the job of carer. If you don't have a break you will make yourself ill, then what would happen to your mum and son??.
It is not a selfish act, you need the breaks in order to continue a very unselfish way of life. I wish you all the best it is hard work, take time out for their sake as much as your own , do not feel guilty, you have no reason to, take care,all the best.!!!!
2006-09-27 16:43:21 · answer #3 · answered by Dolly Blue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Taish,
You have a hard position to be in, so you have to stop picking on yourself. If you let your sick son do everything he wants to do, and go with you all the time the other children will resent him, and he will grow up to be spoiled and selfish. Try to treat him the same as the others as you can. There are many volunteer groups who can come in to help you with your Mom and kids so you can get time to yourself and still know they are cared for. Do you go to church? If you would consider it you could meet some people who will be there for you and help you. The family and social services usually have a mental health department that can set you up with a counselor. Sometimes just having a friend to e-mail or talk to on the phone can help. You can write to me any time. I raised 4 children, alot of the time alone. Good luck, don't be so tough on yourself
2006-09-27 16:32:29 · answer #4 · answered by kimmie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be cruel to be kind....If you don't take some time out for yourself to re-charge your batteries and self esteem, you will not be able to give your all when it's needed.... as long as someone is looking after your son, reassure him that mummy wont be long and then go do what you need to find some inner strength.....book yourself in for a back massage and facial, a bit of pampering makes you feel ready to face the world again..... If you feel good about yourself you will function better within your family situation..... Hope This Helps
2006-09-27 16:27:20 · answer #5 · answered by fluffy bunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, I really do. I cannot possibly imagine how you feel. Maybe about once a week you can get a professional carer for your son while you do whatever needs to be doing? This could take some of the stress off of your shoulders.
2006-09-27 16:26:12 · answer #6 · answered by don't stop the music ♪ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
because you're a good mother/care taker it makes sense that you would feel bad, but sometimes we need alone time. everyone needs sometime to themsevles at some point. whether it's just one day out of the week for a few hours or five minutes a day. if you don't have this time then you're going to become very run down and not able to continue doing all the things you do!
2006-09-27 16:24:36 · answer #7 · answered by Lax Angel 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
remember that unless you refresh yourself and take time for yourself - you are no good to anyone else. How can you take care of anyone if you are stressed, on edge and then you will yell or whatever. Take time out to get of the stress to be able to be a nice mommy/daughter. Tell them that mommy needs a timeout right now because you are not being very nice. They may understand that.
2006-09-27 16:31:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anna F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need chance to recharge your batteries- if you become ill- what will happen to everyone then- a few hours on your own out of the house to gather your thoughts every now and then is a neccessity not a luxury!- enjoy your time and you will be able to offer your dependents quality you not a run down you!
2006-09-27 17:12:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad about time for yourself for goodness sake. Let someone else take over, have you got a husband or partner, or anyone else. If you don't get a break then you'll be needing someone to look after you, then what will happen to your mum and kids.
2006-09-27 16:25:36 · answer #10 · answered by Jeanette 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋