Ive been dating my bf a year and hes so insecure, if i dont give him the slightest attention he gets upset and angry, eg- if i dont phone him for like 2-3 hours.We see each other everyday after he finishes work, but its getting way too much because everytime we go out in public together he gets really angry because he thinks im looking at EVERY man that walks past me.. and that im flirting with them when im NOT! its driving me insane, because we argue all the time about me trying to flirt or staring at other men, i love him so much and he loves me, but this is taking the piss!!!!
Today he had a day of work, but i had a hairdressers appointment, so i decided to take him with me and he thought i was rubbing my legs against the guy who was blowdrying my hair, he thought i was flirting! when i know i wasnt i was just being friendly...! what can i do? this keeps happening, i go back to uni next week and hes going to be even more insecure i dont think hes going to cope!
2006-09-27 08:32:06 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
AND I DIDNT RUB MY LEG AGAINST THE HAIRDRESSER... when he was blowdrying my hair... his leg was touching mine, i didnt think anything of it and i was wearing Jeans!!!!
2006-09-27 08:38:43 · update #1
Yes he is very controlling aswell. i cant go anywhere without him going mad, he even gets angry when i wear certain clothes... and i dress quite conservative!
2006-09-27 08:40:55 · update #2
Sounds to me like he is very obsessive, insecure, jealous, and angry. I think it will get much worse and no matter how much you love him, you should leave him as soon as you can, before it comes down to him hurting you seriously. He is taking over your life and controling everything you say or do.This is not love on his part. He needs professional help for his actions. Find someone who will treat you as an individual and not a possession! You will when you least expect it! You deserve to be treated with respect.GoodLuck!
2006-09-27 08:51:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's trouble. I advise you to end it. If he does ANY of these tihings, he's abusive. There's nothing you can do but end it and possibly call the police. Don't dismiss his behavior as "love you too much"- it's scary.
threatening or intimidating to gain compliance
destruction of the victim’s personal property and possessions, or threats to do so
violence to an object (such as a wall or piece of furniture) or pet, in the presence of the intended victim, as a way of instilling fear of further violence
yelling or screaming
name-calling
constant harassment
embarrassing, making fun of, or mocking the victim, either alone within the household, in public, or in front of family or friends
criticizing or diminishing the victim’s accomplishments or goals
not trusting the victim’s decision-making
telling the victim that they are worthless on their own, without the abuser
excessive possessiveness, isolation from friends and family
excessive checking-up on the victim to make sure they are at home or where they said they would be
blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels
making the victim remain on the premises after a fight, or leaving them somewhere else after a fight, just to “teach them a lesson”
making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship
2006-09-27 08:39:28 · answer #2 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he is an insecure control freak before you marry he will be ten times worse after. If he hits you now, he will punch you later. If he yells or curses now, he will verbally abuse you later.
You are not his sense of well-being. Its something you are not equipped to do or capable of handling. Trying to be that will kill you.
Every marriage that lasts is based on trust. If he cant trust you, and you know he is going to attack you or lash-out at you, then you dont have the raw materials for the relationship.
This guy sounds very immature. He needs to grow up, emotionally, before he is qualified to be in a relationship. The problem with that is the long-term complaints from relationships. The men are angry at their wives because "she changed" and the wives are angry at their men because "he never changed". If he gets into habits with you, he might never be able to develop or change.
Just ask yourself if you were to multiply the relationship by a factor of five in all the good and bad, could you actually live the rest of your life with it. If not then you need to stop it now, and find one that you can both enjoy and keep.
You may need to give yourself time to heal, and time to take a good look in the mirror at who you are and what drew you to this man who doesnt trust you, and is so terribly insecure. When you know where that comes from in you, and you can take care of that thing in you, then you will be qualified to find a man who isnt going to be like that to you. Then you will be able to find a man who can trust you, and respect you as you deserve. Then you will be able to find a man that you can have a long term, and very nice relationship with.
2006-09-27 08:42:12 · answer #3 · answered by Curly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont think your boyfriend is expressing his love for you...rather expressing hiis jealousy and insecurity. if youre in a relationship where you constantly have to talk and see him and he still feels that it isnt enough.. youre in a bad relationship. i have an idea of what you are going through because my boyfriend was once like this. you should probably sit him down and say how you feel otherwise how will he know to lighten up and lay down the law. this obviously isnt a working relationship if youre worried he wont be able to cope with you leaving.. im so sorry that you are going through this.. just take a deep breath and hope for the best.
2006-09-27 08:37:24 · answer #4 · answered by arae 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say that he is overly insecure in his own looks. Me and my girlfriend are going on 2 years and I'm naturally flirty with people. We've talked about this but she has realized that it doesn't matter how I act or how a person acts towards me, but the fact is that I will always be going home with her and no one else. If this persists, I would suggest talking with him about why he thinks you are flirting with others? If you can't get a straight answer, I would move on, because it's obvious that he has other underlying issues.
2006-09-27 08:43:17 · answer #5 · answered by tbranson303 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just tell him that this jealousy is driving you crazy and if it doesn't stop then it is going to cause you to break up. I would let him know how much you love him and that you would never cheat on him. But a relationship has to have trust and if he doesn't trust you then there is no point in being together. If he wants to make this relationship work then he is going to have to stop being so insecure and jealous.
2006-09-27 08:40:13 · answer #6 · answered by Renee25 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's WAY too possesive. Big ol' red flag...I see mental, emotional or physical abuse in your future if you continue with this relationship...and I don't have to be psychic for that. This is where it all starts, are you perhaps ignoring other red flags? Telling you who you can hang with? Getting jealous of time you spend with your family? You might want to look into what the other warning signs are and at least continue this relationship on an informed level. Good luck, kiddo! :-)
2006-09-27 08:37:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you gotta do the time, you might as well do the crime. Let him know that you are not flirting, etc, but that he's driving you bonkers thiinking that you are, and, Either he needs to trust you, or you may as well go ahead & do what you are constantly being accused of. at that point, the relationship should end, & he should know that it was his relentless jelousy & mistrust that drove you away. (men need to know why relationships end, or they will never get much better for the next relationship)
2006-09-27 08:39:01 · answer #8 · answered by Justin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your BF appears to have more going on than what meets the eye. I had a girlfriend in college and she and her boyfriend were in a similar situation. Her mom and I and our circle of friends advised her to dump this guy. She didn't listen and in our junior year of college she dropped out of school and married him. Three years ago we buried my friend. He killed her in a jealous rage. We later found out he beat her on a regular and she hid it from everyone she loved because we would have offed his *** years ago. She loved him with everything in her and was a loving devoted wife and mother but because of his sickness he never saw that. Now her kids are being raised by her mom and dad and he is serving a life prison term.
The writing is on the wall. Do you see it now!
Rest in Peace Edith.
your story may help this youngster realize love for the sake of love is not love at all.
2006-09-27 08:50:34 · answer #9 · answered by datingyoungincali 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Although you say that you love him, you need to get away from him!! He is showing all of the signs that indicate he will (sooner or later) become physically abusive! What he is doing NOW is emotional and mental abuse. His behavior is NOT a sign of how much he loves you - it shows that he is attempting to control you. If you do not want to break up with him and do not want to let this continue to escalate, insist that he get counseling to help him deal with his insecurity (and probably his low self-esteem). Tell him that if he refuses to get help that you WILL end the relationship - and be prepared for him to threaten suicide or for him to attempt to hurt you (make sure when you tell him that you are somewhere where you can get help if you need it.) PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE - do not allow this behavior to continue!
2006-09-27 08:45:34 · answer #10 · answered by 99twinsmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋