my ex doesn't do a thing for our boys,but i do allow him to see them "every blue moon "when he pops up....the thing is he often calls me...almost stalks from time to time,constantly calling my cell or home phone ..recently he called me 4 am...my new guy said"do u want me to say something to him"...i waslike no i'll handle him...should i have allowed him to say something or is this me and the ex issue?????? i'll never get back with the ex ...simply never...what should i do????
2006-09-27 08:23:17 · 31 answers · asked by Gemini 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
every time he call say that the boys need something even if they dont. when a man dont take care of his kids thats the last thing they want to hear. he will get tired and stop calling.
ps dont let him come over , he's gonna get you.
.you know what im talking about.
2006-09-27 14:10:49 · answer #1 · answered by spades c 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Regardless of his involvement in the lives of these children, it is good that you have left the doorway of opportunity open for him to have some form of relationship with them.
Afterall, if he is the other parent - it is his right too.
However, when he ended the relationship, that should be the end of communication between you two except about the children.
You need not have another man fight and etc. - simply state to him that as he has moved on so have you.
Unless there is desire to reconcile the only conversation needed is about the kids.
Do not continue to enable him - simply do not answer the phone(s) at late hours, times when the other guy is there, whatever necessary.
Time will help him see.
Best wishes!
2006-09-27 08:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by Marsha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get an attorney. He does not have the right to just pop in to see the boys whenever it strikes his fancy. Does he pay child support if not you should be getting that set up too. You must be very straight forward about telling him to not call you at inappropriate times. He is attempting to control you through these behaviors. I don't know if it is stalking but it is close perhaps a visit with the police department and find out what the laws are. You need to be sure to document everything he does and when he does it as you may need evidence in a court case. Take care of yourself and protect both you and your boys.
2006-09-27 08:29:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do NOT, repeat NOT take the advice of those who would get your current flame involved.
I don't have a cell, but can't you tell when it's him calling? If so, don't answer at crazy times, and when you do talk to him, make it clear that you will only talk about the kids, when does he plan to see them again, etc.
See someone about getting child support from him -- I assume he was in the room when you conceived the boys, right? He has an obligation to them.
You might consider changing your cell phone number, and don't give it to him (I assume you also have a phone in the house, as you don't want to completely cut him off from his kids unless necessary).
I wouldn't recommend going for a restraining order right away, as that might escalate things, but if he ever scares you in any way, then you must do what you must do.
2006-09-27 09:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he can only call if it's about the kids(communicate with them, visitation, etc) and be firm about it.
If he's calling you constantly he may be using the kids as a reason to talk to you.
Hire an attorney (or Legal aide) and sue him for child support. If you see he's harassing you, take out a restraining order. Depending on the order that is granted, he may be forced to refrain from contacting you.
As for telling your new man to say something; not a good idea. It'll cause problems in your relationship and the new man may think there is just tooo much drama for him. Tell him thank you and that you will handle it. If you feel its out of control, the cops are always available. If need be, then your new man can step in. It's just best to try and keep him out of it.
2006-09-27 08:41:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
first off girl i know what you going through no you should have not let your new guy say something because that is not his issue to deal with but listen when i tell you this my daughters father was like that and i changed my number, went into a shelter and did whatever i had to do for my baby. you said he sees his sons or does he really want to see you? A call at 4 am is not to talk to your boys you should make him realize that you two are over if he doesn't understand you have to do what you got to do....
2006-09-27 08:33:39 · answer #6 · answered by Eloise R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just told your new guy your own answer, it is all on you and your ex/baby daddy. I have something similar to what you are going through, the ex so-called baby daddy that I have though I have no choice but to see him since he just stay across town. As for my new guy though, he did not even ask me should he say anything he just blew up on the ex. I finally had to put both of them in their place, everything is cool now though for that was 2 years ago. you just need to let your ex know what the real deal is and that is the boys only, and what you do has nothing to do with him.
2006-09-27 08:29:52 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men who have children with a woman feel that they can still rule the roosts if you know what I mean. You need to let him know, that you are not interested in him period. His only concern should be his children. If he can't deal with that then take the next step and go for child support or even ask him to sever his parental rights to the children. That a way he won't have to come around you at all. If you allow your new man to step in this, it could get very messy and for the sake of the children you don't want that. Be civil to him but, don't let him control you or your family.
2006-09-27 08:31:46 · answer #8 · answered by Wifey K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mean your new boyfriend is spending the night right under the nose of your kids? That's really inapproprite, unless you're married.
What should you do? If he calls, ask him what he wants. If it's not related to the kids, tell him you're busy. Hang up. Repeat. Stop engaging him in conversations. Stop answering the phone at 4am when it's him.
Otherwise, if you aren't playing a game with him, get a restraining order or something,
2006-09-27 08:27:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry to take heed to that it really is occurring, and that i visit understand quite lots because my buddy has been having a similar situation. it really is about your toddler, no longer the egos of two adult men. If the daddy is going to do a strong interest at parenting and also you've faith him, he must have the right to be the daddy. If no longer, he ought to no longer have get precise of entry to on your toddler. continually do what's maximum proper on your toddler. in case your boyfriend sticks round, as your toddler grows they're going to understand who change into there for them. that's no longer continually the call that you're stated as, even if the impact that you create. I favor you the finest of success.
2016-10-16 02:35:40 · answer #10 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋