I am getting very fustrated with my almost 2 years old son.?

Question

He doesnt listen when I disipline him, test the waters way too much, when I tell him not to do something ( like open the stove) he will and when I come into the kitchen he will quickly slam it shut so as not to get in trouble.
I cant exactly beat him, but I dont want this to go on.
I want him to listen to me, I am very calm when I tell him not to do something, and I do smack his hands when he does someting I deem dangerous (like going down to the basement) I want him to start listening to me....any ideas? Feel free to keep your "Im a bad parent" comments to yourself and please only answer if you have kids.

Also whenever I slap his hand or yell at him, he will put his hands up to face and act like he upset, but then he peek out from his fingers...is he manipulating me?

Answer 1

Yeah he sounds like a 2 year old :)
try praising more for the good things he does,and ignoring the bad if it isnt dangerous.
in my kitchen i put in a drawer for my kids full of tuperware and such they can play with,they loved this idea and keep out of my thing so much.
good luck

Answer 2

First of all;l there are very few people I would call a "bad" parent. It usually means they don't give a ____ and you obviously do.

Two year olds are known to push the limits of everything. While you want to let your child discover his world, you obviously need to set boundaries.

The single most important thing any child learns is the word "No!" from a parent or caregiver. It cannot be stressed enough and it needs to be firm and get their attention. Basically, they must STOP whatever they are doing and look at you when you say "No!".

Now, you say you can't exactly "beat" him and with that I agree. But you must spank him, letting him know you are the boss and your word is law. A firm spank on the bottom....not a beating....accompanied by the word "No!" spoken firmly is the language of 2 year olds. You can't time-out or reason with him, he's too young.

He is not too young however to understand that there are consequences to his actions and Mommy saying no means he'd better stop and listen to you. All respect in this world comes with just a little bit of fear, use it as the positive motivator that it is.

Answer 3

Although I am sure he's driving you completely crazy (I have a 2 year old and an older child, so I know just how you feel), try and keep it in perspective. Pick your battles and try and relax a bit, use your sense of humor to get you through. You must always be consistent, using the same punishment, like time out in the same place, every time he is disciplined. Consistency is the key to parenting, really, it matters so much. I would VERY strongly recommend you try and cut out the hand slapping..it is completely ineffective. If he is listening to you because he is scared of physical pain, there will come a day when that will not matter and he will not listen...at school and such, where people cannot touch him and he will realize it. He should listen to you out of respect, not fear...it will help, I promise!

Answer 4

You have to drop the "paitence" and take control. You do not have to us spankings. You can put him in a corner. He may not stay there the first couple of times. You may have to put him back there several times. Now is the time you have to get him to understand you are the boss. In your exmaple witht the stove, do not back off because he closed it. He crossed you by opening it in the first place and the punsihment needs to be seen through. The biggest thing you need to remember at this time is consistency. You cannot punish him one time for something and the next time let him get away. If it is punishable once it is punishable all the time.

I saw a suggestion about using his crib or bed as a form of punishment. At this age that is not good. You should not use the place the child will sleep as a form of punishment because this may cause trouble with getting them to sleep.

Answer 5

I am the mother of two boys who are now 15 and 17,
so it has been a while since I have dealt with the terrible twos as a parent.
I still am of the firm belief that the terrible two start NOT when a child is two years of age, but when they can walk on two feet :-)

My brother and his wife have a 2 year old son (who I do babysit frequently). They said they have learned more from watching the television show "super nanny" than in any parenting books.
She teaches a lot of hands on techniques that do not involve spanking or bribing, and consistancy is an absolue MUST.

I have started watching it too,
and find myself using an english accent when correcting little ones.
Maybe that would help.

Answer 6

Nothing is as trying as an uncooperative toddler!! Mine were okay at 2, but 3 was the WORST!!
Time outs are great. Give him one warning - "Stop opening the drawers or you will get a time- out" - then when he disobeys, take him to the designated time-out spot (ours was the corner of the laundry room) and stand him there for two minutes (they say one minute per year of age is best). My kids screamed and hollered, but I stood there with them, making sure they remained in the corner (you'll have to do it this way at 2. by 3 they usually know that they need to stay there without you). When the time-out was over, I let them go back to their business. They rarely went right back to doing the same thing they were punished for. It takes consistency, though, for the time-out threat to mean anything to your child. Good luck!

Answer 7

It's been a while since my kids were 2 but I will say it's part of being a toddler. They are curious and sometimes rebellious. I can understand your frustation with him at present. But you are a good parent because you are seeking advise on how to handle the problem correctly. All I can truly say is continue to be firm and "tap" his hands when he disobeys you directly. If necessary take away something he likes for the day. For example, he has a favorite toy or snack. It's a "no-no" for a day. But be prepared to explain to him several time why he can't have it and for how long. He's young but will understand and this method might get him to see their are consequences for bad behavior even a 2 year old would understand. Good luck!

Answer 8

I don't have children, but I am a social worker who works with kids. It sounds like your son is testing the waters with you. Continue to be firm with the way that you speak to him. Smacking his hands is okay, he needs to know that things are dangerous. Try time out with him. Try 30 seconds at first in a specific place in your home. If he doesn't listen when you discipline him, take him in your arms, hold him, and talk to him. Tell him that you want him to be a good boy because it makes mommy happy. Tell him that the two of you can do things together like both of you can walk to get the mail, or the two of you can play with play-doh. Give him reasons to have things he wants to do. You sound like you are on the right track. Or, try to make him a sticker chart. If he does what mommy asks, he gets to put a sticker on his chart. When he gets a certain number of stickers, he gets to pick out a toy or some other sort of reward. Good luck!

Answer 9

You need a zero tolerance policy right away. He sounds strong willed and defiant. If you let him defy you once, he will defy you twice. If you let one warning go unnoticed, he will go for two. He will keep testing his limits and you need to let him know EVERY time the limit is zero. Don't give him an inch... don't give him a mile because he will always try for more. Ever hear the expression "nip it in the bud"? Don't beat around the bush and Do Not play his game. And yes he was manipulating you. 2yr olds are good at that.

Answer 10

I completely know what you are going through. My son is also about 2. Everyone tells me it is the age. The "TERRIBLE TWOS". I have tried just about everything the time outs your name it. One thing I have noticed is sometimes I think he is just trying to get some attention. I also know that the more angry I get the less the problem gets better. I try to remind myself that I need to get down on his level and remain calm. Maybe try before you get so upset ask him why? Maybe something is wrong and this is his way of letting it out.

Answer 11

The one thing that my daughter HATES (she just turned three in May), I learned from watching "Supernanny" of all things....

Quiet Chair.

My daughter has a little bench in the living room that's the quiet chair. It is ONLY used when she's being disciplined. I put her in there for three minutes (because she's three) and do what Supernanny said to do:

1. Tell him why he's going to time out... "Johnny, you keep opening and closing the oven door. I've asked you three times already to stop doing that. Now you're going to sit in the quiet chair until you learn your lesson."

2. Put him in the queit chair. When he kicks and screams, IGNORE IT. My daughter always hates it when she hears me and Daddy talking or laughing in the background. She feels like she's missing out on something.

3. After his time is up in the quiet chair, make him stand up, and get on your knees to "his level." Remind him why he was put in time out, and remind him that if he continues the behavior, he will continue to be punished. And them make him apologize to you: "Mommy, I'm sorry that I slammed the oven door." Thank him for apologizing.

If the bad behavior continues, keep dong the quiet chair AND take one toy away every time he's bad. When he's good, give him a toy back.

The quiet chair straightened my kid out REAL quick.

And, no, you are not a bad mother. EVERY mom gets that feeling at least once in their parenting career.

Good luck!