Do mothers have a hard time accepting their children are adults?

Question

My mother is 46 and I am 24.

I met my husband (now 26) 5 years ago and married him 2 years ago.

We have a great life together, we bought our own home and are very stable with our careers.

I recently mentioned to my mom that we were planning to have a baby in the next year or so.

She got all weird on me saying I should wait until I am 30 to have a baby, even though she started having children unmarried at 19.

My mother said she wanted me to wait until my little brothers (9 and 13 yrs old) are older, so then she can focus on my children.

She seems to have a problem with me having my own family and making family decisions with my husband without her approval.

I have been 100% independent since I moved out at 18 and she seems to still think she needs to okay my life decisions.

She wants to tell me when I should start my family!

Do mothers have a hard time accepting their children are adults?

Answer 1

Jenny,
I am 50 and my oldest daughter is pregnant with her first child at 29. She had said all along that she wasn't going to have children and has worked hard at her career. She married 2yrs ago and her husband already had a son from his first marriage. I am different kind of Mom and I support my children in making their decisions. I have 4 kids between 30 and 21. Jenny, I'm not your Mom, and their is a reason God has given us each the families we have, they have shaped who we have become.
For you and your husband to have stayed together and done so well, speaks volumes about how well you have done on your own. I believe you are ready to have children now, and with your brothers being young they will probably be less of a handful for your mom at 9 and 13 than they will be at 15 and 19(when you are 30), maybe mom hasn't looked at that.
Do what is right for you and your husband and your mom will adjust. You show a wonderful part of your love for your mom, by even writing about the situation on this service. She is lucky you care this much. Give the same love to your baby as you give to your husband and your mom now, and the world will have an example of a wonderful new Mom-you, Jenny!!
God Bless you, and your family,Kimmie

Answer 2

You will always be her child no matter what your age. From what I read in your question she wants to be in a position to better help you. You don't have to do what she says. She wouldn't be a mom if she didn't speak up when she thinks her advice will benefit you. You have to decide if you want to have a family for yourself and not because you want to show mom that you don't need her permission. I had my first child at age 24 and while I don't ever regret being a parent I regret not waiting until a much later age so that my husband and I could have enjoyed each other more without the encumberance of children. It is quite overwhelming as well as joyous and nothing can match the loving care of a grandmother as opposed to hired help. I suppose that you are taking into consideration your husband's age and I guess if you waited until he was 50 he may not have the energy to give to a young one who begins to get involved with sports etc...
Good luck with what ever decision you make.

Answer 3

Yes! I have ahard enoughtime accepting that my 4 year old isn't still a baby, that my 8 year old can cross the road on there own, that my 10 year old..... get the picture. Also your mum will be wanting you to have a better life than she has had, doesn't matter how happy your mum is, she will ant your life to be perfect, and she has a few ideas on how you can achieve it!!

There comes a time when mums become friends with their daughters, and less mum like (except when you need them to be a mum!). Perhaps because your brothers are still little-ish she finds it hard to accept that you would be at a similar life stage to her?

Lots of possible issues, sounds like she is supportive of you though as she wanted you to wait so that she would have more time to help you.

Good luck
N

Answer 4

Imagine,
in front of U stands a grown-up, responsible, settled woman
but her Mum sees a tiny baby.

No matter how big U get, we always want 2 protect our daughters from the world.
But saying that, U have babies at a time of UR choosing.
Dictating when U start a family, is going a bit far.
Think that might B mum being a bit of a control freak, mapping her life out, nothing more.
Part of feeling useful not meant in malice.

Answer 5

I HAVE 3 SONS AGES 21 25 26 THE YOUNGEST AND OLDEST ARE MARRIED AND HAVE SONS OF THEIR OWN THE YOUNGEST SON HAS A 21/2 YR OLD AND A WIFE WHOM I ADORE THEY LIVE W US AND FINISHING UP THERE EDUCATION MY SON WANTS TO B A CPA EVEN THOUGH THEY LIVE AT MY HOUSE AND PAY NO RENT AND I PAY FOR THERE PNONES INSUR FOOD AND FOR MOST OF THE BABYS NEEDS SENSE THE DAY THEY GOT MARRIED I STILL DONT TELL THEM WHAT TO DO BUT THEY DO COME TALK TO US EITHER ME OR MY HUSBAND WHEN THEY NEED US NOT ALL THE TIME THEY HAVE SIDE JOBS AND BUY THINGS THEY W AN T WITH THEEIR MONEY BUT I NEVER SAY ANYTHING EVEN WHEN I WNDER HOW THEY CAN AFFORD IT HOW EVER I DID ASK THEM IF THEY WOULD WAIT TILL THEY WERE ON THERE OWN TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY BUT IF THEY DIDNT I WOULD JUST KEEP MY MOUTH SHOUT AND DO WHAT EVVER I HAD TO MY MOM WAS LIKE YOURS WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND I SWEAR I WOULD LEARN THE LESSON THEY GROW UP BUT I GOT TO SAY ITS NOT EASY SHOW YOUR MOM SOME GRACE LET HER HAVE HER SAY AND DO WHAT YOU WANT AND TELL HER THAT YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE MADE THIS DECISON TOGEATHER GOOOD LUCK

Answer 6

yes they do i,m a mother so i know no matter the age they are still your babies and you love them and still want to help protect them . i try to give advice some times to my children but try not to interfere in their own life now but let them make own decisions even tho it hard at times on certain things but i think you should do whats you and your husband decides i have 2 wonder full grand children i am 40 yrs old so I'm a young grandma and have time to enjoy them before im old .my son married at age 16 as i did .hes been married 5 yrs wonderful faimly bless you

Answer 7

I think here she is saying "don't do what I did". Do you plan to ask her to watch your baby while you work, or go to school? That could be why she is concerned with wanting you to wait till your brothers are older and she can concentrate on her grandchild. I don't think its hard to accept an adult child, but it is hard to see them make the mistakes they need to in order to mature. As old as they get we always want the best for them.

Answer 8

YES!!! And it only gets worse, wait until you have a baby then you won't know how to be a mother either. Give her the respect of listening to her, but take whatever advice she give you with a grain of salt and make your own decisions. Good luck!

Answer 9

i might say particular, mom do have a tough time accepting that their infants are adults . . i'm at present 26 and 18 weeks pregnant with my first toddler . . and my mom become consistently telling me "you're able to try this" or "you're able to try this" . . . i will understand another factors of view that say mom purely desires to assist or supply suggestion . . . giving suggestion is one element . . telling me what i'll do is something thoroughly distinctive . . . my mom used to call me and in the previous she even pronounced hi might ask "the place you been?" . . . i unquestionably do no longer think of she gets the super image that i'm grown and on my own . . . that is purely so demanding suitable now, and that's unquestionably no longer what i choose, for my sake and the sake of my toddler . . . I purely had to enable her be attentive to the way I felt . . as of suitable now, my mom and that i are actually not conversing . . i'm assuming that she is mad, yet she gets over it . . . I pass over the dating with my mom, yet i necessary her to back up and enable me stay my very own life . . . and that i propose you do the comparable . . . do no longer enable your mom to proceed to dictate once you do issues . . . that is you and your husband's decision once you have little ones . . and in case you experience you're arranged, bypass suitable forward . . . i'm effective she'll be suitable there spoiling that grand-toddler . . . superb desires . . .