Do mothers have a hard time accepting their children are adults?

Question

My mother is 46 and I am 24.

I met my husband (now 26) 5 years ago and married him 2 years ago.

We have a great life together, we bought our own home and are very stable with our careers.

I recently mentioned to my mom that we were planning to have a baby in the next year or so.

She got all weird on me saying I should wait until I am 30 to have a baby, even though she started having children unmarried at 19.

My mother said she wanted me to wait until my little brothers (9 and 13 yrs old) are older, so then she can focus on my children.

She seems to have a problem with me having my own family and making family decisions with my husband without her approval.

I have been 100% independent since I moved out at 18 and she seems to still think she needs to okay my life decisions.

She wants to tell me when I should start my family!

Do mothers have a hard time accepting their children are adults?

Answer 1

I didn't have a problem seeing them as adults once I learned to let then go. Now that was the tough part for me. When they moved out on their own and each one later married. I am expecting grandchild # 7 in January and was excited every time one of my kids announced they were having a baby, but when each of them moved out of the house, I had a hard time sleeping at night and would get up and check their rooms only to find them empty.

So I think the answer to you question is that every parent (especially mothers) have a hard time at some point in their children's lives with some big adjustment or another. It is also harder to let go of girls then boys.

Answer 2

I would say yes, mother do have a hard time accepting that their children are adults . . I'm currently 26 and 18 weeks pregnant with my first baby . . and my mom was constantly telling me "you need to do this" or "you need to do this" . . . I can understand some other points of view that say mom just wants to help or give advice . . . giving advice is one thing . . telling me what I'm going to do is something completely different . . . my mom used to call me and before she even said hello would ask "where you been?" . . . I really don't think she gets the big picture that I am grown and on my own . . . it's just so stressful right now, and that is definitely not what I need, for my sake and the sake of my baby . . . I just had to let her know how I felt . . as of right now, my mom and I are not speaking . . I'm assuming that she is mad, but she will get over it . . . I miss the relationship with my mom, but I needed her to back up and let me live my own life . . . and I suggest you do the same . . . don't allow your mom to continue to dictate when you do things . . . it's you and your husband's decision when you have kids . . and if you feel you're ready, go right ahead . . . I'm sure she'll be right there spoiling that grand-baby . . . best wishes . . .

Answer 3

Yes, we have a hard time accepting that our children are growing up. I waited until I was 30 to have my kids and I don't regret it. I think your mom just wants you to have a good time for now with your husband. I'll tell ya, after the kids come, there's no more time for fun. Not the kind of fun you can have without the kids. Anyway, the bottom line is it's your life and you're an adult now so it is your decision. Talk it over with your husband next time instead of going to your mom. When you go to your mom with stuff like this it sends a message that you are not capable of making this type of adult decision so she chimes in and wants to make it for you. It's a moms instinct to do stuff like that and I'm sure no harm was intended. If you don't want her telling you what to do then don't let her in on it until after you've made your decision. Key words...YOUR DECISION:)

Answer 4

WOW, I was just thinking of asking a similar question. I just got married about 3 months ago and my mom has a hard time letting go as well. I'm an only child, so she always wants me to come over to her house (which is many miles away, gas ain't no joke). I often feel bad because while I don't like being around my mom all the time, my wife is always with her mom and they are like best friends. I was never THAT close to my mom. I love her cause she's my mom, but that's it. I think some mothers do have a hard time accepting their children as adults, especially if, like my mom, they were single parents and you are the only child. I guess we just gotta put them in their place as nice as possible.

Answer 5

I am a mother of a 2 year old and I have a hard time letting him be a "big boy" I feel like if he isn't potty trained he is still my little baby, so in my case I think as a mother yes I have a hard time letting my son grow up. I know I will have a terrible time when he decides to move out and go away to college or get his own place.

Answer 6

Mother's who have their own productive lives and a husband at home that loves them are not overly concerned with their adult kids life in such a controlling way. You are a grown woman, married, a homeowner with a great career...no need to consult with mom. This along with any future decisons are stictly between you and your husband. As a married woman, my mother never meddled in my business and I am grateful she is such a wonderful woman confident in how both she and my dad raised all of us. And this confidence allows both my parents to stand behind any decision we make because of how I was raised and the example set by them as parents. Now your mom did not consult with you when she decided to expand her family by having your younger siblings (9 and 13). Not to mention having you at the same age you propose to start your family as a married woman. In a nutshell, if she can't be happy for your decision to start a family now...then that's her problem. And why should you wait another 6 years to suit her schedule in life? I bet once your little sibling are gone...sister girl will not be babysitting on a regular at 48 for you or anybody else. Have your baby now if you want!

Answer 7

If you wait to have children for her, then she will only get more controlling over the years. She should not be making any family decisions for you. She has had her family and her life and now she needs to let you have yours. Don't let her live your life for you. She wants you to have children at 30 because that's probably what she wishes she'd have done. But if you feel that you're ready then go for it, nothing should be holding you back, at least not your mother or anyone besides you and your husband. They do have a hard time, but they need to get over it, and you need to make it clear that this is YOUR LIFE!

Answer 8

I have a hard time with my daughter turning four!!! My mother passed away before I had kids, but her mother, my grandma, good lord!!! Oh Crystal watch her! Do this Do that Do you want me to take them for a day or two? DOn't give her that! He's choking oh no she's bleeding be careful are you watching her? It goes on and on and on! She even buys diapers and food and stuff. I never leave her house empty handed. My grandpa even gives me GAS MONEY for coming to see them. I tell them not to to stop it's ok but you know old people.....I think it's because my mother died when i was 18 and still in school. My step dad kicked me out and that was it i was on my own. I think they feel like they have to be the mother to me and grandparents to my children that their youngest daughter didn't get a chance to be. Your mom still sees you as a baby! Just let her know that you are old enough, you have thought it through and you don't want to wait. She'll get over it I promise. Or maybe she'll just give you gas money!

Answer 9

I think its a matter of control and not wanting to lose it. I am 45, divorced with two children and my mother still expects me to visit with her every weekend and gets her feelings hurt when I tell her that I have family responsibilities and other things to do. She also wants to make decisions for my children and sometimes leads people to think that she is raising them. I know I will probably have a hard time adjusting when mine grow up and move out, but I hope I'm not as bad as my mom.

Answer 10

YES! Your mom has watched you grow up since you were a baby! It isn't her place to tell you when to have a baby but at the same time mabey it was hard for her being unmarried & 19. Just explain it to her...mom I am happily married,we have our life on track and the next step is a baby, I want you to be there and be supportive. And trust me she isn't going to care if you two pop up pregnant in the next 6mots,she will be thrilled!! Good luck!