Okay, my sister is getting married in December. She's half-way across the country until then. She was home in the spring just long enough to get engaged, then left. She'll be home a week before the wedding, which is too close for a bridal shower, right? Well, she's out with his family now, and they're going to have a shower for her out there. Her church family here, though, keeps asking if there's going to be a shower for her; should we have a card shower from here that corresponds with her bridal shower over there in October or whenever it's going to be? Or just forget it? They really rushed into the whole thing, but I think she expects a shower, but it's hard to talk to her about it because she's being super bridezilla right now...
2006-09-27 08:06:57 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Oh, and despite our pleadings, she's putting registry info in her wedding invitations! Argh...
2006-09-27 08:08:19 · update #1
I think a "card" shower is an excellent choice. Forget her "bridezilla" act... everyone gets reacts differently to stress and she just might need MORE support rather than less at this point. Find out from her when the date is and collect cardsfrom your church family... let them know she is out of town. It seems a bit silly to do gifts and there is no bride there to open them! Hey, I know.... maybe she can register at a variety of places and let you know where - so the church members can send gift certificates for those places.... just an idea! Now, if you call her and she doesn't want to commit to anything, be honest with her. Tell her you are trying to coordinate a "card shower" that will let her church family express their generosity.... and if she tells you to forget it, then let her know that you are going to take her at her word and that you don't want her to be "crushed" when nothing happens... remember, she will ALWAYS be your sister...even after she is married... and you want this to be the happiest day of her life... even if she is a bridezilla at the moment!!! Who knows what sort of pressure she is under on the other side of the universe...
2006-09-27 08:14:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I went to a shower without a bride once. She had recently moved away but was coming back for the wedding. We put her on speakerphone during the gifts and she spoke with everyone personally. It worked well. But she was NOT a Bridezilla.
First rule- brides cannot demand a shower and most etiquette books say it shouldn't be held by a family member anyway.
Secondly, two showers? No nono no no. A bride gets ONE. Sometimes I see an office shower in addition to the bridal shower and I have seen a personal or couples shower as a second, but those are very rare in my region.
Don't do it. In this situation it's tacky and unwarranted.
2006-09-27 11:12:50 · answer #2 · answered by logical_centrist 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ugh, registry info in the invitations. Dreadful.
No, there is no such thing as a "ship-it-to-me" shower. A shower is a party, WITH a guest of honor.
She does not NEED a wedding shower. It is optional, and it looks like circumstances prevent the planning of one in this case, anyhow.
It is also not appropriate for family members-- or future family members-- to host her wedding shower, so this is not your thing to plan anyhow.
Soliciting gift money from people (is this what people mean by a "card shower"?) is also a perfectly disgusting idea.
It's nice that you're motivated to do something nice but a shower isn't right. Do something else nice for your sister.
2006-09-27 12:57:47 · answer #3 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh you poor thing! Looks like you have tried to make your sister do things right and she kind of went off the deep end (I'm not a fan of the registry info in the wedding invites either!!!)
Anyway... I would say maybe have a small gathering the week before the wedding. Make it small, nothing big. But then she can be there for it and if people want to give gifts then they can. You can send out the invitations early and let people know why you are planning it this way (for those that may not quite understand) and let them know that there is a shower taking place (wherever) and people may inquire as to how to send gifts to that shower instead?
2006-09-27 09:57:51 · answer #4 · answered by PT&L 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
How about paying for her ticket out to see you for a day or so? That's one way.
Could you do the bridal shower AFTER the wedding? It's unconverntial, but it's not a bridal shower without the bride. Having a shower the week of the wedding is fine, but it will be hectic! It may not be the right time to throw a 3-hour party when she has 50 gazillion things on her mind.
She put her registry in her invite? Oh gosh--the retailers got to her! OUCH!
2006-09-27 09:05:12 · answer #5 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Can you do a webcam or something so she can halfway be there? Technically, you don't do the bridal showers without her there, and I wouldn't do one if you don't ask her either because she might get really offended. I would ask her and see what she says. You could collect some money and then send it to her, she could probably really use that. She might not be very coporative right now but there might be a reason think about it she is trying to plan a wedding that is in a different country and she's not even around her own family. Try and be supportive (although it is probably really tough at the moment) Good luck.
2006-09-27 08:14:28 · answer #6 · answered by glitter3317 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Well...no. Then it wouldn't be a bridal shower - it would just be people dropping off presents for someone who isn't even there. If she expects a shower with your family and friends, then she needs to be there. Otherwise the one she is having with his family should be plenty for her. I will never understand why some people get so greedy when they're getting married.
2006-09-27 08:18:19 · answer #7 · answered by SLR 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Kudos to you for trying to keep the peace and make your sister happy. How about you offer to throw her a housewarming party instead, that takes place after the wedding? Same kind of gifts, but would be easier to arrange. Otherwise, I've heard of having a bridal shower without the bride, but it's so strange and is obviously just for the gifts, and not for socializing. How does your sister assume you're going to pull this off?
2006-09-27 08:21:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
I think a card shower where they send her cards with money would be a good idea, even though she'll only be in town a week before the wedding, if it's planned ahead of time then she could have one that week, I'm sure her church family would like to celebrate with her.
2006-09-27 08:10:45 · answer #9 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
Bless your heart. if they are going to have a shower half way across the country, I think it would be wonderful if you held a corresponding one at home. Invite all to participate, and if possible web cam or record the shower. It is a thoughtful thing to do, and even if she is bridezillz now there will come a time she will remember your thoughtfulness
2006-09-27 08:12:34 · answer #10 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋