My best friend got pregnant with a beautiful little girl when she was 17. Her little girl is 3 yrs old now. dont get me wrong I love that little girl, I really do. But sometimes,on weekends I almost dread going out with my best friend when she takes her. She has learned that to get what she wants, (no matter what that may be) she has to cry or scream, and it almost never fails, shes even started throwin & hitting. Im 10 wks preg. now and I think my nerves are a little on edge. I havent said anything to her, I dont want to upset her but I just dont know what to do. My wedding was last weekend and she screamed (very loudly) through part of it. And now my friend and I are going to start walking together, she will most def. take her w/ us. But we never get very far. Shes not always that bad, just most of the time. I dont know if theres anything I can do about this or not just wondering what other people would do, or if maybe I am letting it get to me too much since im pregnant. Any advice?
2006-09-27 08:02:57 · 16 answers · asked by Heather T 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
It is likely that your nerves are extra sensitive since you are pregnant. I was very emotional in the beginning of my pregnancy. I was never moody before I got pregnant but WOW did I get a taste of what it was like. My husband is very greatful that I am back to myself. If your friends daughter is doing things to bother you I would tell her daughter....look thats not nice to act like that and I wont come see you anymore if you keep throwing a fit. Explain to her that you are pregnant and that there is a little baby inside your tummy that hates it whenever she screams and gets mad and cries in your tummy!! Depending on how much of a brat she is this may work to some degree. Make little comments to her when she is out of line about what she is doing wrong and that it makes you sad whenever she acts that way and that she needs to act like a big girl. Tell her mother to stand by you whenever you are sideline scolding her daughter and maybe both of you can work together to get this little girl back to being that little angel that you both wanted whenever her lil momma had her!! Good luck and hang in there!
2006-09-27 08:12:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dealing with other people's children is always a sensitive topic. Your friend will most likely get defensive if you criticize her child or her parenting, so this requires a subtle approach. You may begin to cut your outings short when the child misbehaves, or ask your friend to spend a 'child-free' outing with you before your own baby arrives. She may start to get the hint that you find her daughter's behavior unacceptable. If you must speak to her about her daughter, be careful to not assign blame or put her on the defensive. Use plenty of 'I' sentences; "I feel uncomfortable when I hear screaming", etc. instead of 'Her screaming is getting on my nerves'. You might even ask her what she has tried to do in regards to the child's fit throwing and ask if there is any way you can help her to work with her daughter. Playacting the proper way to play or ask for things in front of the child may help.
If the child is acting out in your own home, then by all means you have the right to say something. Tell the child, "We don't act like this here" or something to that effect.
2006-09-27 16:41:19 · answer #2 · answered by Cristie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard. There's not much you can do because if you ask your friend to leave her child behind, or discipline her child, then you risk losing the friendship. I can understand your frustration, my friend's son often made outings impossible to enjoy, and at times I would end up doing things without them, not so much because he got on my nerves but because he got on my daughter's nerves. Patience might be key here because 3 year olds have a lot of difficult stages they go through and as she gets older she should start getting easier to handle.
And if you are really good friends, and you feel comfortable, you should try talking about this with her and see if you can find a resolution. Keep in mind that being stressed while you are pregnant is not good for you nor the baby.
2006-09-27 15:08:21 · answer #3 · answered by nimo22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is really not much you can say or do unless you dont want this person as a friend anymore. People get very defensive when others question their parenting skills. So unless your friend asks you for advice as to what to do with her out of control 3 year old you really have to grin and bear it. But since you are pregnant yourself now, just make sure to watch very closely to what your friend is doing wrong so you dont make the same mistakes. The only circumstance that you should say something is if the child starts to hit you. You should then remind her that she needs to keep her child from hitting you since you are pregnant.
2006-09-27 15:57:23 · answer #4 · answered by sooz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a little thng called a time-out and I may be old fasioned but a belt also. You need to tell your BFF!!! NOW!!! And don't worry not all kids act like that. That girl needs to be put in place...NOW!!! Can you imagin what she going to do when it comes to boyfriends? She may end up pregnant at an even younger age. Help out your friend. Thats the best thing you can do. And don't give into her screaming. And dont do the same thing with your child.
2006-09-27 15:08:49 · answer #5 · answered by Skylar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously mom feels guilty about something and as a result does not want to discipline her child for fear she will make the child hate her. What you can do:
1. You go walking, if the child throws a fit, you look at your friend and say you need to take care of this and I need to walk, so I will walk and you can deal with your daughter. This will allow her to wheedle or coax or whatever. Eventually she may get the picture that you don't want to be around her daughter when she is behaving badly. If it continues, for more than three times, suggest that until she gets her daughter under control that you will not be able to walk with her any longer. Also, if she suggests an outing, very politely ask if she has a baby sitter. If she does, say then I will meet you at... and we can have a very relaxing time. If not, sorry I can't make it this time around, how about when you have a sitter. If she asks why you are reluctant to be around her daughter point out that her daughter is misbehaving and you are tired of the stress it is causing you and you need to take care of yourself at this time of your life. I know that when my girls act up, I as quickly as possible haul them out of the situation and take them home. At home they sit in corners and lose privileges. My middle girl is in the middle of a one week no tv ban because of bad behavior. She also sat for 1 hour last night in a corner because she hit her sister and me and refused to apologize when her time was up. Strict yes, but a learning experience. Maybe you could give your friend the number for Nanny 911 or Super Nanny. Or even get the Nanny 911 book and give it to her as a gift.
2006-09-27 15:21:00 · answer #6 · answered by mom of girls 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough situation as you want to retain your friendship. Telling a mom how to handle her child is almost certainly going to offend no matter if the mom is younger or older. Maybe a gentle way would be if the child treats you or your new baby(either inside your belly or out) too rough is to address the little girl directly. "I'm sorry sweetie, I can't let you throw things or hit me because someone could get hurt." If this happens you will be modeling good parenting skills for your friend and she will most likely pick up on the cue. Of course, if you just happen to come across that great parenting book on disipline etc. in your efforts to educate yourself on motherhood you could always pass it along as good reading without offending. As for your walking... if she keeps having to head home - the mall is usually a safe place to walk on your own if need be. Best of luck.
2006-09-27 15:16:59 · answer #7 · answered by interested 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's not anything to do with you being pregnant----kid's shouldn't act like that! Just correct your friend's daughter when she screams or does something bad (because obviously your friend isn't). If your friend tells you not to then just say that someone should and it obviously hasn't been her for the past 3 years. You need to stand up to your friend and tell her how you feel. Not because you are sick of her daughter's behavior, but because you don't want to see her daughter get even more out of control later on.
2006-09-27 15:09:38 · answer #8 · answered by BeeFree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're not being unreasonable. If she was a stranger you would say to yourself, why is that lady letting her child act like that in public?!? As a friend you should say something, especially since it will begin to bother you if you spend more time together. Tell it to her with love. Do not be mean, just be honest. Maybe she will appreciate it, but if she does not then she is not a good friend to consider your feelings.
2006-09-27 15:13:25 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a friend come over to visit with her daughter and she did the same thing. Well naturally my daughter tried this after they left the next day. I went in the kitchen and got a glass of water and threw it on her. Shock factor made her stop immediately. I told her that behavior will not be tolerated in this household. She tried it one more time..and got the same results.. and never tried it again. Good luck..
2006-09-27 15:15:23 · answer #10 · answered by DearAbby 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋