5 yrs with him...n it still hurts?

Question

I love me bf so very much and I know he'll say the same but the thing is we fight abt ridiculous stuff...he lives 3 hrs away so we cant see one another all the time...it still really hurts...were over the i love u stage and we/ family members talk abt us getting married. I want to thats not the problem...last night we got into an argument and i told him he doesn't respect me...I was really upset bc him being normal just gave me sarcastic remarks like yeah, ok,,,mmhmm.....come on now .......I WAS CRYING AND HE SAID HE'S GOING TO SLEEP AND HUNG UP ON ME...how am I supposed to take that....and it makes me so sad that my tears mean nothing to him...how do i make him understand talking doesnt help...and realisticly im not going to leave him he's my soul mate. My friends think I should teach him a lesson ( not meaning goin with other guys) but Im not out to play games with his head...wht should i do?

Answer 1

The only way to solve your problem is to talk to him about the whole issue. State that you don't appreciate it how your tears mean nothing to him, and that the way he treats you sometimes is making you sick. Since you love him, don't give him up. Soul mates stick together for life; but you got to remember that even the most "perfected" couples in the world still have some of the biggest arguements and problems. So, take it slow, and don't worry so much about his ways. No one can be perfect, no matter what.

Answer 2

This seems like a bad relationship that needs to end, in my opinion. You're always fighting, you don't feel respected, and he hangs up on you. You obviously want more than he can give you and you can't make people do anything. On the other hand, It seems like maybe you are overreacting and possibly making mole hills into mountains. If you are, you are being unfair to him and it would be no wonder why he doesn't want to sit up chatting with you over sleeping. Either way, "teaching him a lesson" is a very bad idea. You're only creating more problems for your relationship this way. Communication is key to any relationship. If you can't talk about legitimate issues or keep from fighting over useless ones, there's not much you can do.

Answer 3

What's the real problem? People don't ~really~ fight over what to cook for dinner, or who loves who more. (Do you get my drift?) The little things, yes, do add up to big things. Which will cause petty arguing, but what is the real issue? Both of you seem to have one.
For you it might be the fact that you are scared he doesn't love you anymore. For him it might be the same. It might be that you both think that the other is cheating....there is a larger issue that neither of you are addressing.
Is the issue that he doesn't respect you? Or is the issue the distance between you? Not only physically, but emotionally and psychologically as well?

I would bet you that your tears erked him more than you think they did. Men hate to hear women cry...and with the loads of other issues you two seem to be having...he probably couldn't handle soothing your tears.

Teaching him a lesson....is that childish or what? You both are adults, and it's time you both start acting like adults. Communication is a huge, huge, huge deal here, especially since you live so far apart. Start there.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

Break up with him. Really - not saying this in a snide or sarcastic way - but he doesn't respect you & it doens't even sound as if he cares very much for you. Long distance relationships are very hard to maintain - it sounds like ya'll are together now out of habit rather than because you truly love one another. Find someone closer to home, someone you can spend good quality time with & someone who will listen to YOU & respect what you want. No, don't play games with his head - it will only make him lose any liking he may have left for you. Just end it - cleanly - & walk away. If you've been with him 5 years & it still hurts, it isn't ever going to get better. Good luck.

Answer 5

My sister is going through a similar thing. She knows for a fact (won't get into why) that her ex fiancee is her soulmate. So what did she do? She broke up with him. You know why? Cause he wasn't treating her right.

Just because two people are meant to be together, doesn't mean that when they meet, they have to be together for the rest of their lives, even if she cheats, he cheats, she says mean things, he says mean things, etc. What it means is that you both are meant to be. And there is a difference. It's just like if you have a child and the child runs amock like a crazy person. Will you be afraid to punish the child because you're afraid he/she will hate you? You know it's important to punish the child in the long run because he/she needs it in order to be a better person. It doesn't mean the child will no longer be your child. You're bounded forever. So if you're bounded with your soulmate forever, why be afraid to say "this relationship has to end for now so we can sort out our differences."? Why can't you take a stronger stand?

He's not respecting you even if he thinks you're being melodramatic...even if you're not. He should respect your feelings and explain why he's acting the way he is. If you break up with him, it doesn't mean that you're never going to get back together. What it does mean is that he figures out how to mature and you do the same. Sometimes, the strongest couples had to break up first in order to get their priorities in order, and they still got back together.

I'm not saying that you should break up with him, if you're able to talk things out and make things work, that's great, but you should know that a break up doesn't equal THE END...especially if you're his soulmate.

Answer 6

IT IS NOT VERY CLEAR WHAT THE PROBLEM IS, BUT ANYWAY: you seem not to be fine and that is what I think you should talk about with him; but before that take some time to relax and think not so emotionally: try to get centered into you and gather your things togehter; dont show yourself so broken - although sometimes is quite difficult but try-
sometimes guys just answer you in a light way because they don´t want to get into any discuccion, but it doesn´t mean he doesn´t love you;
so focus on what is bothering you and think if it is something he is doing, or not doing, or it is a situation you don´t like and can be solved talking to him, if you talk to him not crying and more centered, he has to undertand you
good luck!

Answer 7

Most guys are brought up to not cry, its a sissy thing. So when girls cry in front of them they blow it off or not want to deal with it. I'm sure he still loves and cares for you, maybe he has/had things going on too that were on his mind and you crying wasn't making anything better. He shouldn't of hung up on you though, that would make me mad too. You might want to re think your relationship a little, if he is acting this way towards you now what makes you think things will be different when you are married?

Answer 8

I saw girls do this all the time at college.

Anyway, when a person crys a lil too often their tears start to represent NOTHING! If he's trying then leave him alone. So he's sarcastic, you met him that way now you want him to change?

Geez, i dont see a problem in your relationship other then the fact that your needy.

Answer 9

yeah i think you should teach him a lesson, i guess he's just so used to you guys arguing about dumb things and fixing things that he knows no matter what you are gonna be there. call him and talk to him tell him how you felt last night and tell him you feel like your tears mean nothing to him like he doesn't care, and tell him you are tired of the situation and if things don't change you are gonna have to move on, and see how he reacts to it if he still doesn't care then you should definitely move on. Good luck!

Answer 10

I don't think he wants to be in a relationship with you anymore, but he doesn't have the yarbles to get out.

5 years? Whew, that's a LONG TIME to be dating someone - I'd say he's the recipient of the good end of that arrangement - all the fun and none of the commitment.

Good luck.

FP