Ok I have this problem I am married to an older man he has a 16 year old daughter she lives with her mother. we have 2 children together 3 year old girl and a 1 year old boy well her mother has 3 boys and 1 girl now 18 months. Now that you have the background the problem is that the 16 year old was so into my daughter and would make time to see her when she was born now that her mother has a little girl we never see or hear from her and it is breaking my little girls heart. I just dont know what to do. She hasnt seen her sister since July it is now almost october and I dont know what to tell her and I dont know how to get the older sister to see she is breaking her heart! HELP!!
2006-09-27 07:21:48 · 17 answers · asked by LaceyandSamsmamma 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
ok I tried to talk to her and she just ignored me so I think maybe having my daughter write her might be a good idea. I guess I just don't get how you could completely ignore your other siblings I think her mother tells her bad things about her dad so she wont come out here no matter how much we ask her to
2006-09-27 08:03:07 · update #1
Tell the 16 year old exactly what you told us. That your daughter especially misses her, and could she please stop by? Maybe you and your husband could go out of an evening, and hire his daughter to babysit?
2006-09-27 07:35:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk with the 16 year old gentley.
YOu do realize she is facinated by babies. It is affecting her desires. She is living through these experiences and learning. Of course, she now has full time access at her home.
You can't make her feel guilty.
You to remind her that your little girls loves her now and has needs. But don't be demanding.
YOu also need to talk with your little girl, although she's young, and get her to understand people come and go. This is a natural thing.
One day she will go to school and not see your for 6 hours.
She will make friends and they will move away.
This is life.
You have to do all this gentley.
You're not the 16 year old girls mother so don't act like one. Don't chastise, don't brow beat.
None of you probably realized the impact that was happening.
The 16 year old needs to understand the concept of bonding and how important it is, especially to young children.
At the same time she shouldn't be made to feel it is an obligation.
If the 16 is mature and actually finding her roots as a future mother she may fully undestand, but no one should expect to see her like she did before.
The best way to really do all this would be non-verbal. Just get them toghther and let nature take its course, but I think a cue from you might be in order.
Let the 16 know she's welcome and wanted and needed even!
She took on an obligation, without really knowing it!
Don't make it an obligation, however. Make it known to the girl she's an important role model.
The girl may not realize just how important she is to peoples lives.
And if things work out, make sure you show her how thankful you are for her support. A hug. Holidy and brithday and even spontanious gifts that are very thoughful (not pandering or buying love, but going the extra distance of thinking about her needs) and even spending time if she ever needs to as a friend or just a listener.
Remember she has a mother and it's not you. You're a friend or bigger sisters.
You also need to undestand there could be a flip side. What is her mothers reaction to the time she spent!
Look at all sides and generate HARMONY not dischord, ill will or feuds.
2006-09-27 07:43:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the 16 year old that your kid misses her.
Tell your 3 year old that the 16 year old still loves her, but she is busy and will try her hardest to come over soon. Then distract the 3 year old with something else.
At 3 she shouldn't remember that much and it will fade away if you let it. Please let it.
In addition to being 16, and by definition self centered, she will go to college, get a job or get married and naturally not have much time to spare for your kid. Sorry, that's just the way it is.
My family went through this too. Not second marriages, but my auntie decided out of the blue that she needed another baby when her daughter was 13 (same as your step daughter), well, just like your situation, at first everything was fine then High School, College, and Marriage took priority. My auntie made sure that both her daughters knew how much they were loved by the other and that it was important to have a relationship.
It's your job to make it easier for your 3 year old, but because of the age difference and the "step" nature of the relationship, maybe it's better if the seperation happens now, when the 3 year old won't remember as much. They will still be friends, but closeness may not be in the cards.
Sorry if I seem negative, I hope this helps.
2006-09-27 07:39:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered my Q, so I'm gonna answer your's to the best of my ability. I do believe that the mother is playing a role in the 16 yr olds sudden lack of interest in your daughter. Even if the mother(or step daughter) says that the mom is NOT saying anything bad-its more than obvious that the mother is NOT doing anything to encourage your step daughter to stay involved in your daughters life. It sounds like someone needs to talk to the mother and ask her to say something to the daughter. If that wont work-than use the Dads scheduled visitation to arrange for them to spend time together. Even though the daughter is grown enough to understand the situation, she is not grown up enough to realize how important it is to remain in a childs life(the little girl won't understand why her sister suddenly doesn't want to spend anytime with her). And with that said, that is why parents make the decisions for their children until they are no longer minors. So try talking to her-if that doesn't work, then you may just have to make her do it. She may be upset with you guys at first, but later on down the road, she will definitely thank you for it, when she has a great relationship with her baby sister.
2006-09-28 08:49:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have your daughter call her sister. Hopefully, the older sister will get the clue when her little sister is the one reaching out to her. Also, the "new" baby phase is probably going on with your step-daughter. Try calling her and seeing if she can "babysit" your daughter for some reason or another. It will only cost you a little bit of money and could reconnect the two of them. The stepdaughter may realize how much she misses her little sister and make more of an effort in the future to see her. It will also make your little girl happy. Wish you lots of luck!
2006-09-27 07:29:54 · answer #5 · answered by blackwidow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the problem is that everything is about the new children and not about the original children. The older children are expected to dote on the younger ones. What I would do is make it about the 16yr old and not about your young daughter. Your young daughter getting what she needs will be a bonus. Do something at your place specifically for the 16 yr old...
Think about it.. when was the last time that was done?
I know how it goes... I have a 17 yr old step daughter myself.
2006-09-27 07:46:13 · answer #6 · answered by lesbianmommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at 16 she is old enough to understand what it feels like to get your feelings hurt. So call her say can we talk as adults and start to say I know you love your new little sister but your other little sister loves you too and she needs you to love her back and spend some time together. Tell her that you are telling her not because your mad but because it is hurting you other daughters fellings. Also I know it might be wired but you could try to invite the other ladies daughter and your step daughter to come and play with your daughter to break some ice maybe
2006-09-27 07:38:14 · answer #7 · answered by missy mae 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call the older sister and let her know. You can also help your three year write letters on emails to her older sister. It will make her feel better. Just talk to the 16 year old I am sure if she really loves your daughter as you say then she will make time for her.
2006-09-27 07:32:58 · answer #8 · answered by MAS 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should call your step- daughter and let her know that its been a while sense you guys have seen her that you guys miss her. Invite her over for a weekend or dinner or which ever she is free for. Let her know that your daughter has missed her a lot and she would like to see her, then ask if she has a minute and if she would like to talk to your little girl? Best of Luck
2006-09-27 07:36:01 · answer #9 · answered by amanda H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could help you on this one but I can't. You're not the only one with this problem. It's very common here in America these days. Moms and Dads living with another family and nobody is getting along like they should. Half brothers and sisters not getting along. It's where America has gone. It's to easy to get a divorce and marry someone else and if that doesn't work move on to the next ready made family.
2006-09-27 07:28:13 · answer #10 · answered by Texan 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with calling and and telling her what she is doing with your little girl and letting your little girl talk to her on the phone is alos a good idea.
Maybe make your little girl write a letter with your help telling her older sister that she misses her and would like her to visit.
2006-09-27 07:28:08 · answer #11 · answered by Jess99 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋