am i good enough for HIM?

Question

i have this amazing boyfriend who is so sweet caring and everything. when we first met he explained that he wanted a classy sophisticated girl with smarts and personality. he is older and hasnt found someone prior to me due to grad school and beginning a new career. I can't help but feel like he is settling for me b/c the last of his single friends got married the night we met and now he is the only non married guy. I am a sweet caring girl but at the same time I am 21 and I like to party still with my girlfriends and I smoke when I go out. He hates the smoking but said just not to do it around him. I just feel like he is settling for me...I'm not a suzy homemaker. I want to be oneday, but I want to finish out my crazy partying college years first. Any advice? You might say talk to him....but what am i supposed to say..."are you settling for me?" thats a turn off i think.

Answer 1

It's time to go down the road. You are still wanting to go party ( which is okay ) and he is ready for the next stage in life. It's not so much about him settling for you as much as it sounds like he is getting ready to "settle down" ( AKA serious relationship/marriage). Have one last night of fun with him ( mabey even do something crazy you never did before, like a threesome or something) tell him thanks for ever thing and then break it off. At least you'll both have some great memories.

Answer 2

Your writing style is indicative of someone with personality, and the facts that you're going to college and can write clearly and with few errors prove that you have at least some smarts. You seem to be hinting that you are neither classy nor sophisticated, but that you perceive that you could become that way someday. Try this. Take some time and imagine yourself in 10 years. What are you like? How are you different from now, and how are you the same? When you think you have a good, realistic image in mind, talk to your bf. Say, "Imagine it's 10 years from now. We're married and I am . . ." and then describe your image. Then ask, "How would you feel about that?"

Answer 3

You have to decide what's more important: his love or your pleasure. Life doesn't wait for anything; it's an unforgetful and unforgivable concept. And if you wait too long, this man will make the decision for you. You have to give up one or the other. If you think that his love is more important than anything in the world, you need to start transitioning out of this crazy party personality that you have. True love is a commitment, and a sacrifice. And your relationship will never be at its optimum potential until you can honestly say you've given everything away in order to be with the person you truly love. It would be nice if he could conform to YOUR lifestyle, but true love isn't about finding the right person; it's about BEING the right person.

Oh, and if you're gonna talk to him:

If you want to know if he's settling for you or not, the only thing you can do is ask. And hope that he doesn't take too much offense. But be proud and confident. Keep your chin up. Good luck.

Answer 4

Sounds to me like you are just a bit immature! He is ready to settle down and live a normal life, you still wanna sew your oats. Doesnt make either of you bad! I think he must see something in you, or he would have kicked you to the curb. Talk with him and just be honest, if you love him, you should be willing to give up some of that for him. Smoking only when partying should be easy to give up, and slowing the partying down shouldnt be that hard either. You have some decisions to make!

Answer 5

If he is choosing to still stay with you through all of those things then I think he definitely cares about you and thinks that you are in at least some ways what he wants. He chose to stay with you so yes I think that means he thinks you are good enough for him. But I think the thing you have to ask yourself at this point is, even if he isn't settling for me am I ever going to be able to get past these feelings and doubts?

Answer 6

He kind of sounds like a twit. Certainly not classy or sophisticated! I don't know if I'd call it "settling" but I think he's doing what could be called "slumming"

"Slumming" has come to refer to many activities that involve interaction with the less fortunate, especially when motivated by curiosity, adventure, laziness, boredom... a "classy, older, sophisticated" guy going for those considered low-class (a young party girl who smokes.)

Answer 7

I've been in a relationship that was the opposite (I was going out, she was staying in); its kind of tough because you live different lifestyles. I don't think he is settling for you because he must see something he really likes.
If it really bothers you, then I would just approach him to see how he feels about the relationship; don't ask him if he's settling, per se'.

Answer 8

hmm... first of all, i think u need to reconsider what YOU want in your life, as a 21 year old. he has chosen u for a reason, so obviously he does want to be with you! but that doesn't mean YOU are ready for marriage and suzy homemaker jazz at this time in your life. of course u need to respect him and all that, but u also need to respect what YOU want in ur life.

my advice to you would be to figure out what u want. do u want to change yourself, for yourself, to become more responsible, "marriage" material? or would u rather have fun, be carefree at your young age? either way, u need to be Proud and Happy and Confident in what and who u are, at any stage of ur life. are u good enough for yourself right now? or is there something u'd like to work on, to benefit yourself AND the relationship?

don't worry too much about this right now...maybe if he brings it up, u can discuss. but i think u are walking on eggshells bringing this up now, when u urself are not sure what YOU want to be, or who you want to change into, etc. :) it's ok, he wants to be with you. and if he wanted u to change, he'd let u know (like the smoking thing). take care, always keep an open mind and heart, and be observant of his feelings and reactions. good luck~

Answer 9

Honey your around for a reason and it's simply that he wants you around or he would've kicked you to the curb earlier. Don't ever let yourself think your not good enough for someone. I'm sure he had plenty of fun in his younger years and he understand what your going through being only 21 and all. Just make sure you don't fall off and you always show him you want him and you'll have nothing to worry about.

Answer 10

If he really cares he'll wait. Don't push him away and go ahead and compromise (both of you) And just what kind of party girl; other guys? Now that you can't expect him to wait for that. What the real "?" is how ready are yooooou? is he setting you up or are you draging him? That's not right for you to do to him.