My friend got mad when her grooms step brother only spent about
$30.00 on their wedding gift to them. She thinks you should spend the same amount of what the dinner costs per person. For example, if your whole family is invited, say 5 people, the dinner costs $20.00 per plate: 5 x 25.00= $125.00. I know if i had three kids to outfit for a wedding, plus any traveling expenses I probably could not quite afford a $125.00 gift. They also think a wedding is supposed to be a money making event. Plus how in the world are you supposed to know how much the bride & groom are paying per plate?!
2006-09-27 05:23:08 · 28 answers · asked by wendygirl1000 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It been almost 10 years since I got married and my wedding gifts ranged from $25-$500 per person. Quite frankly I was grateful for every penny offered. We chose to "spoil" our guests because they were just that, our Guests. You don't ask people to pay for their dinner when you invite them to your home, I don't believe it should be expected during a wedding either. But unfortunately, history dictates major gift giving during this particular event in your life. I think it really should be about what you can afford comfortably. I don't think the person who gave me $25 loved me any less than the pesron who gave us $500. It's just what they had to give at the time. On the same token, guests should realize that a wedding is something the couple (or their parents can afford) and expecting an "open" bar and talking about folks when it's a "cash bar" is not proper etiquette either. Note the area, Northern venues are usually a bit more pricey than Southern ones, etc. Below is a guide to gift giving during a wedding. I hope this helps. But your friend was looking to make a profit and that's not the way to start off your nuptials, getting married is not "hitting the jackpot" in the monetary sense. (Unless you married a millionaire without a pre-nup!)
We spent nearly $25,000 on our wedding 10 years ago, we had buses to take our guests to and from the reception, private ceremony, open bar all night and a full 7 course meal with many extras during the day. It's a once in a lifetime event, we enjoyed ourselves and our guests keep telling us it was the best wedding they had ever been too. Too me that's all that counts AND the fact that we are still married and just as happy as we were on that wonderful day!
2006-09-27 06:08:21 · answer #1 · answered by questiongirl 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your friend has broken etiquette by "looking a gift horse in the mouth." She should not insist on receiving gifts at all, and should not rate them by dollar value. A gift's real value is based on the love with which it was given.
However, it is reasonable to expect that most guests will send the bridal couple a gift, and that family will give more generous gifts. But everyone has different limitations, so a $20 gift from a broke college kid is just as generous as a $200 gift from financially secure grandparents. If you are contributing as a couple or family you should consider spending more, since the gift is from all of you.
The "dinner-cost" is a good rule of thumb, but it may be difficult for guests to guess, in advance, what the dinner may cost, and they should not be expected to track down this estimate.
$30 from a family member for a moderately fancy wedding does sound a bit cheap; but if he is young, strapped for cash, or generally clueless about weddings, it would be understandable. Personally I usually spend about $50, even when I was laid off; up to $100 dollars if I am friends with both of them; and I put a lot of thought into choosing the right gift.
2006-09-27 06:19:16 · answer #2 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One way to know approximately how much they are paying for a plate is:
1) where is the reception. You can call the hall / hotel and ask
2) If you don't want to call, base your opinion on how many services are there - meaning how many meals are served during dinner. If it's a seven course meal, then you should know that it's not under $100.00.
And yes, wheather you buy a gift or you give money, it should always cover the cost of your dinner. We didn't make the rules, but that's what it is. So if you are a familly of 5, most likely, it will cost you $500.00, unless the other ones are small kids, then you don't have to count them, depending how much their plate is.
Unfortunately, they are not the only ones who think that a wedding is a money making event. Pretty much everyone who throws a wedding is expecting to get some money back......
Weddings cost a lot, basically, it's such a rip off, but people are willing to spend.... When I got married, it was a pretty big wedding and 99% of our guests did give monetary gifts.....
2006-09-27 05:46:33 · answer #3 · answered by Jojo 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You can't expect to be compensated for the cost of food through gifts. You should've considered a simplier, more economical type of wedding party.
Weddings range in costs just like new cars. There are expenses that are just unnecessary extravegances for expressing your life commitment to your partner. And too many people get invited who aren't even that close to the couple, like some third cousin you haven't talked to in 23 years.
Besides, more often than not, big weddings are boring. They're all cookie-cutter and predictable. People just go because it customary, ceremonial, and they feel obligated.
I believe weddings should be smaller, more intimate events with people who you care about the most; not some big annoucement to the world. If you had a smaller reception at your parents' house, or a moderately priced restaurant, etc., you wouldn't have the stressing over "25 bucks per person".
2006-09-27 08:49:59 · answer #4 · answered by ruffhowzin 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Around the cost per plate is a good etiquette rule. Etiquette also suggests that your cost to travel to the wedding (or tuxedo/dress cost if you are in the wedding party) shouldn't effect how much you spend on a gift. Nor would not actually going to the wedding/reception mean you should spend less than the per plate amount. These are just the rules, I'm not saying that they are always practical.
Where you are in the country also has an impact. Where I'm from $200+ gifts (especially from family) are common, if not expected. But where my wife is from $20-50 was more the average gift.
2006-09-27 05:32:18 · answer #5 · answered by Michael 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Your friend is a tacky greedy bridezilla.
You are right, the "cover your plate" thing is a total etiquette MYTH.
Wedding gifts are not even compulsory. And if a gift is to be given, the giver determines the amount spent based on their own budget and their affection for the couple, nothing more!
2006-09-28 07:01:45 · answer #6 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the price of the gift is not important. I got a crocheted table-centre from an old lady. That was the gift I most appreciated. It cost her very little, but she did it out of love. If it is a close relative or friend, I prefer to give cash (and only what I can afford!)
2006-09-28 04:06:44 · answer #7 · answered by Jorge E 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Spend what you think is appropriate for a wedding gift. When my best friend got married, I spent a little more on her gift. If one of my other friends got married, I would probably spend less. People need to not be so snobby.
2006-09-27 05:33:18 · answer #8 · answered by betterlife_travel 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that your spoiled friend should reevaluate her priorities and realize that a gift, by definition, is something that the giver gives because they WANT to, not because it's required. I think that anyone receiving a gift, be it an object of some sort or simply the presence of their loved ones at their blessed event, should be appreciative, regardless of the cost.
2006-09-27 05:26:31 · answer #9 · answered by zaipher 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it is inappropriate for the guests to know how much the dinner costs.
Second of all, any guest can spend as little or as much as they like on a gift. That is why it is called a gift, and not a mandatory donation.
2006-09-27 05:32:25 · answer #10 · answered by cirestan 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋