So im asking this question again, cuz i forgot some details...This guy im kinda seeing acts SO much different around me than he does his friends. Around his friends he acts like we're just "buddies" but in private we're more than that. He doesn't aknowledge me as someone he is "seeing" - and even tho we're not "officially" together, his actions when we're alone speek otherwise. we've talked about it, and he says he doesnt want it to be kept a secret, but he hasen't acted upon anything or taken the chance to show people that he likes me. Is this normal? And just to add, we're pretty much best friends and have been for a while, so it's not like he has a girl behind my back (i would definitly know) ... and his friends are my friends - we've got the same friends (And they all pretty much know that we like eachother) - So if there is any other suggestions as to why he might be acting this way - share!
2006-09-27 05:02:25 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He may be afraid that if you take it to the next level and it doesn't work out as a couple, then you guys won't be able to re-gain that special friendship. Try assuring him that this is not the case. That you're mature enough to realize that people of the opposite gender can be best friends and not necessarily have a romantic commitment. I'm in that situation right now. We tried but its not romance. We get along much better as friends.
2006-09-27 05:07:37 · answer #1 · answered by LV 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a few things that could be going on here.
He could be worried how your mutual friends will take the two of you seeing each other. He doesn't want to upset the group dynamic, and is worried the two of you might feel too much pressure from the group if you are an official couple.
He may not think you are quite there yet and wants to give it a little more time before openly acknowlegding your relationship.
He is not interested in you long term and just wants to have someone to fool around with.
Talk with him tell him how you feel and what you want him to know. Ask him if he feels the same you do. Then come to an agreement with him as to how you will define your relationship.
2006-09-27 12:24:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you can probably guess, the main cause of that type of behavior is usually another girl, but you claim to have eliminated that as a possibility. So, you have to look at other possible causes. Your guy's behavior does not seem to be caused by a fear of commitment, because if it were, then he would act stand-offish to you in private as well as in front of your friends. Maybe even more so in private because of the strong intimate settings.
It sounds like this is an issue of image/reputation for your boyfriend. On the one hand, he could feel embarrassed to show affection or confirm that you're a couple, for one reason or another that you may have to pinpoint. On the other hand, you might want to look at it another way. Most men, especially during young-adulthood, will exhibit an ego-driven mentality in social settings. He's concerned for his own image and fears the change in your social group that could come from this relationship. Preserving his own pride and image might be his motivation. Other than that, this behavior is a common tactic, whether conscious or unconscious when the person is "keeping his options open". This would coincide with the fact that there hasn't been an "official" confirmation about your relationship. He may find it easier to rationalize a little fling on the side if he keeps things platonic with you, and stays under the radar with your friends considering his dating status. As for the solution, you seem to be confident in yourself and the open communication with your guy. Just be wary of his motives.
-TruthSeeker
2006-09-27 13:21:55 · answer #3 · answered by truth seeker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's only acting interested in private, hes only ACTING to get what he can from you. You're his friend with benefits. So if you want to keep getting used, dont try to change the situation. If you want a relationship (although if hes this selfish, I would advise against it) then stick up for yourself and don't let him get cozy when it suits him. You are in this too!
Refuse to see him in private anymore, if he is coming over, invite a couple of other friends over too. And if he asks why, say "well, its not like we are dating or anything, so I would rather hang out with all my friends instead of one at a time."
Stick to your guns, girl! Don't settle for being a toy.
2006-09-27 12:10:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Depending on the age; I'd say if you are still in your teens, it's quite normal, and the reason I say this is I've got two teen boys myself and they both have girlfriends that complain about the same things you are! My oldest son; he is 19, his girlfriend talks to me quite often on this similar subject that you are speaking and asking of! She tells me that when it's just the two of them that he's the most kindest, considerate person you'd ever want to date, but when they get around a group of friends, mostly his buddies, he's distant, inconsiderate, and sometimes even rude! I truly think it's just a guy thing and mainly them not sure of how to handle the mushy stuff that goes along with a relationship in public! It's kind of like not wanting your buddies to think of you as a sissy; in a guys teen years he feels there is an image he has to hold in order for his friends to think of him as "One of the guys" if that makes since!
2006-09-27 12:19:25 · answer #5 · answered by shelly_mo67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people just don't like PDA (Public Display of Affection). I would talk about it with him, maybe it's difficult for him to make the first step. You said you're not officially together, so, that may be a reason.
The best thing you can do is talk with him. And if he needs a push in the right direction, who said you can tell your friends about your relationship?
Good luck, and talk tal talk!!!
2006-09-27 12:25:09 · answer #6 · answered by Ange 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he may like you, but hes not ready for it. He likes the company, but likes being friends with benifits a little more. It takes ALOT of your invested time for you and him to actually officially be together to where he is not hiding it from anyone. Or it just might be that he is stringing you along, even if you are best friends. He might not want to hurt your feelings so he is just going along with it.
2006-09-27 12:07:05 · answer #7 · answered by Lost In Love... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The world would be so much easier if people could just talk openly, seriously and straight about everything.... People did not use to talk about sex openly, no they do, so amybe that will concider feelings also...
Well, probably he is in you, but just behaves like a lad and keeps showing off when you're with friends...
2006-09-27 12:06:21 · answer #8 · answered by Lady G. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is a private person and you are special to him and he doesnt want to show public affection because of that.
Talk it out with him and tell him that the situation and his behaviour bothers you.
What matters is end of the day you both are good friends.
2006-09-27 12:09:04 · answer #9 · answered by sunlight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don"t you think it is more to this, then him not wanting his friend to know you two are seeing each other. I am going to lay it out for you, You are their to satisfy his needs, that is all, in other words your are wasting your time. He is not into you like that! I do not want to hurt your feelings, and don't be mad at him, if he does not feel the same about you. It is good to know this now, rather then later.
2006-09-27 12:12:45 · answer #10 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋