My partner of 1 year is very nice 2 me & we get along great BUT is very selfish in bed (i can count on 2 hands the times he has given me oral). I buy him things all the time & he asks me to pick things up too often. I know hes short on cash (apartment, cell phone, car, college...), but he hasn't taken me out / bought anything for me in the past few months. He can foot the bills for we*d, though (one thing I will NEVER give him money 4). When I ask him to do something in bed, he might do it for a few seconds & then go back to what he wants even if I ask him to keep going.
I want to talk to him about everything, but he has made me feel bad about myself, and like I'm not worth it anymore. On top of everything, I found an old bill from buying his ex expensive flowers- he would never do that for me. Despite this, he is honest, doesn't cheat, and loves me for me- things that are very hard to find. Remind u, he is still very nice to me / loves me, he just doesnt go the extra mile. Advice?
2006-09-27 04:43:26 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hmm...from an outsider's point of view, I can see a few things wrong with this relationship. First of all, you mentioned that he smokes we*d which is NOT good for either of you. If he'd rather spend his money on a bad habit like that, he needs to fix his priorities. Also, he seems self-serving...you said:
"When I ask him to do something in bed, he might do it for a few seconds & then go back to what he wants EVEN IF I ASK HIM TO KEEP GOING."
Very selfish. Not to mention he asks you to pick up things for him all the time because he's broke. I mean, the LEAST he could do is give you oral!!! Seriously.
Ok, it sounds like I'm being nitpicky but you have to look at the big picture. He may love you, but NOT in the right way. Is love smoking we*d? No, it's not. Is love getting yourself off first and ignoring your lovers wishes? No, that's not love, thats selfish. I'm sorry, but he sounds like a leach. He may have good intentions--he sounds like a nice guy but you have to remind him that actions speak louder than words. You have certain expectations and standards that he is not measuring up to.
He sounds like he's grown very comfortable and takes you for granted. Anyway, you need to let him know exactly how you feel. Bottling it all up only makes it worse because when you do finally tell him, he's gonna be like " I didn't know! Why didn't you tell me!?!?" Because I doubt he's picking up your subtle hints that you're not satisfied. You need to be blunt with him.
Oh and thanks for answering MY question on changing for somebody you care about earlier :D
Have a nice day and god bless.
2006-09-27 05:00:48 · answer #1 · answered by Rivrav 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know if you are nice to him he will walk all over you. If you give him a little challenge he will have to work at getting you. Go out for a night with a friend and leave him home tokin by himself. Don't go the extra mile for him until he is doing right. You say he loves you but then you say he makes you feel bad about yourself. Im sure he loves you but maybe you should love you first then you will know which you already do what to do about the situation. Tell him your needs in bed and don't take care of his before yours and he will soon learn.
2006-09-27 04:51:35 · answer #2 · answered by 2strongfor2long 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be as honest as you can and tell him how you feel. It's not fair for you to sacrifice more than the other person in a relationship. It should be a 50/50 thing. If you want him to put in that much more effort, tell him that he needs to step it up, or you'll stop trying so hard to please him. Times can get tough in a relationship, but with honest, open communication, it can be a lot easier.
2006-09-27 04:49:46 · answer #3 · answered by outlandsishlady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, start by losing some of that weight and sorting out your hair and make up. Also stop the maoning and whining all this self pity makes men sick. Try to introduce other things into the equation, anal, full prolonged oral, outdoor, dogging..He is still doing his ex regularly so is getting the best of both worlds. Shape up or prepared to get dumped
2006-09-27 04:47:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time to dump the loser JJ! You are obviously a very giving woman and I'm sure most men would want to make you happy and keep you satisfied..
2006-09-27 05:39:20 · answer #5 · answered by rilindy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
plain and simple you're not happy in or out of bed why drag things on get out while the gettin is good go find happiness. why settle for half of what you want when you can find every thing you want.
2006-09-27 05:37:01 · answer #6 · answered by Bryan H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he seems selfish and does not pay attention to your unmet needs. perhaps u should treat him the same way, and when he complains be sure to tell him this is how u feel when he skips all the good stuff.
2006-09-27 04:46:55 · answer #7 · answered by Jim G 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need a man to satisfy all of your needs, emotional...physical..if he can't there are other fish in the sea. You seem like a fun and smart girl...you can do much better :)
2006-09-27 04:49:55 · answer #8 · answered by Peter 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life isnt just about sex dear, go talk to him and see what is up and if he doesnt treat you right just end the realtionship!
2006-09-27 04:46:53 · answer #9 · answered by Praiser in the storm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well maybe u need to tell him that and yall can talk sumthing out that will make u satisfyed and happy with the person you are with
2006-09-27 04:46:51 · answer #10 · answered by Destani J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋