what do I say tonight?

Question

My boy friend is coming over. We were so very happy. No worries inside, now squinting the eyes to try to figure out whats wrong. Life as I had sad to him long ago has a way of getting in the way of "love" you /we need to be strong in all areas so love can conquer all. My life is (depending how you look at it) has obsticles or joys...I have three sucsesfull, smart , kind, children that he adores, My ex has issues. My boy friend has issues from his past as well...it is as if latley we are so sad together becuae we want to make it but...almost know that we are not making it. We have been sad about our own things, feeling un understood with in eachother...but, so love eachother...were pretending to be okay though and then...we are both not...we are both sad to think to leg go. How can we get to that easy place again where we were able to bring joy and fun and love to eachother for real...I want to turn back the clock. I feel as though I/we have talked/ overtalked....is it time to stop?

Answer 1

Acknowledge that both of you have a past and baggage that comes with it, then make a conscious effort to put it aside when you are together. Remind each other when needed that your past is that, past and no amount of sadness and worrying is going to make it go away, so choose to not let it get in the way. You are in control of your own mind, boyfriend or not its still going to be there. Remind him about what it is you love about him, make it a routine to leave your troubles at the door and try hard to not involve each other where you can. Go on a date like in the beginning, relive the happier times, and again most importanty, leave your troubles at the door, think of each other as a break from all that saddens you.

Answer 2

Get some help! A third party - a trained counselor, clergy, or therapist - can sometimes help a couple rediscover and reaffirm what attracted them together in the first place... you're right, life has a way of throwing stuff at a relationship that makes the relationship challenging, but those are the times when you can make the relationship stronger by getting through it. Your church (if you have one) may have a program, sometimes called something like "Couple Enrichment" or "Marriage Encounter" that can be a big help as well.

Also, if the stuff that's getting in the way is issues from your own past or his own past, individual counseling is a great idea. You have to process the baggage before you can get rid of it, and it's hard - damn near impossible, in fact - to process it by yourself.

The bloom always comes off the rose; reality hits and the trivialities of everyday life can seem to take that magical charm away from a relationship. But give it time and commitment, and you'll find that something deeper and more real grows up in its place.

Answer 3

I say you both need distance. You need to see what life would be like without that person and take time for both of you to really figure out if you're willing to work hard enough to make this relationship go the distance. So, take a 'time out', do some soul searching and come back in about 2 weeks and see what happens. If it's the same result, call it quits. If not, well then that's up to the both of you! :)

Answer 4

Don't stop loving him. But what you should probably do is go on a break with him. Don't see him for about two weeks or so...and if you still feel the same way for him as he does for you, then you know that you should be fighting to make your love work. Other variables don't matter: his past, your ex, none of it. If he loves your children and you, then you should work as hard as possible to gain that happiness. Go on a trip with him: just you, him and the kids. It'll be like a "family" trip...that'll definitely tell you if it was meant to be. Good luck.

Answer 5

if you love something let it go, if it were meant to be, it will come back. Take a short break from him. Only talking on the phone or internet. But dont see each other. After a few weeks meet with him, and if the same old feelings return then there ya go. it takes time and work.

Answer 6

Nothing beats honesty. There's obviously a problem between the two of you- turning back the clock is not the answer, because it doesn't solve the problem. Talk your feelings out with him, and have him do the same- while you're talking things may come up that you haven't thought of before (same with him). If you communicate everything to one another, you may come up with a solution- identifying the problem is the first step to solving it!

Answer 7

Stop talking and start living. You can not help/change any issues that either of you have in the past, if you love one another make a pact to start fresh today...just love one another, be happy together. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Maybe it is time to stop talking and just try to enjoy each other's company. Because you both have issues, you may dissecting the situation too much and magnifying the problem. Maybe if you enjoy each other's friendship and decide not to talk about problems or discuss them, the old feeling will come back to you.

Answer 9

i think that you should tell him that you love him but it's not working, tell him you need a break and that if you still want to be with each other after a week of not seeing each other then you know what to do. you also get a better appreciation pof each other good luck hope everything works out the way you want each other

Answer 10

Sweetie if you and him want it to work then just like the bible says dont worry about tomorrow, because God will lead you through it. Just let God take care of y'all and it will happen. Dont worry about tomorrow or the next day or the nex just let it happen.
God Bless,
Gods Gurl