Would you feel guilty when you are not present to see your loved one die in a hospice when you are taking a?

Question

break and intend to come back later. You never knew it would happen so fast.

Answer 1

I'll bet a person who loved you really wouldn't want you to be there to see the moment they die. Maybe they waited until you left to 'let go' so they could spare you the trauma of seeing the moment? If you were supportive of them throughout their illness, they knew you cared and loved them. That's much more important to them than knowing your were there at the moment of their death. Wish them peace, and try to find peace for yourself in knowing they are not longer suffering.

Answer 2

I felt guilty. The guilt has changed to regret over the years. I know I am being unreasonable but that is my feelings and not my reason. I also know it is more about the way I treated her when she was alive. No relationship is perfect. but I was there for her, respected her, loved her. But yet I wasn't there when she died. I kinda think she liked that better than if I was there when she died and not there when she was alive. I know this doesn't sound very helpful but what I want to say is it gets so much better. Yes I feel regret but it isn't the overburdening kinda of regret. It is just I wish I could have been there. Yes, I too did not know it was going to happen so fast. But don't you think it could have also been drawn out much longer? How were you or I to know the exact time? If you were the one dying would you want the one you love to stay every single second. I would not. I can't say this from experience but I think if you talk to people you will feel better faster. It has been over 6 years and until now the most I have said to anyone is "I miss her." I may be taking a big leap but I am assuming if you were with this person near the end you loved them during their life. Even if that is not the case there is no way you could have know when that person was to die and you should not blame yourself.

Answer 3

I guess most people would feel guilty, but this is how I see it.....
People die when it's their time, when that time is ? no one knows. People who die, know who loved them and who didnt regardless of who was there and or why they weren't. We cannot control situations because we do not decide when or where the right time is. All deaths occur at the moment that GOD says it should occur. Some people say , "if only I had been there to save them" , or " if she/he wouldn't have gone that way then maybe", It doesnt matter if someone is there to try and save or if a person takes a different route, if it is written in GOD's book , it's going to happen regardless, it's THEIR time. Dont feel guilty, no one ever knows if it is going to happen fast or not. If you loved that person and respected that person and showed that person how much she/he meant to you, then dont worry, they know. They understand. They dont go to heaven thinking," He/she left while I was dying !" NO, it's not like that. The spirit understands many things that the people on earth dont. If anything, be happy that the person has died, (I dont mean that in a mean way) they are now in HEAVEN they have felt GOD closer and are at Peace with themselves and others on earth. Have faith. Be thankful to GOD for allowing that person to have been a part of your life for whatever amount of time he/she was.


Peace and love your way.

Answer 4

Can't tell u how many people i've cared for at the end of life who will have the entire clan on the death watch for hours, and as soon as all of them leave for a meal, the person passes away. Some people want to see their loved ones, but don't want their loved ones to watch them die. Don't feel guilty.

Answer 5

I think every one has guilt to a certain extreme when a loved one dies,whether it be something you should have said or done.You should feel no guilt your loved one knew you cared even though you were not there at the moment they closed their eyes for the last time.Just think of the happy times ,im very sure its what they would have wanted.Just think of your loved one as if they've stepped into another room but at this moment in time the door is locked and you are unable to get in but one day that door will open and you will be together again.

Answer 6

i had the same situation when my Grandfather was lying in a nursing home dying. I really just needed to get out and get some fresh air since we all stayed there for about 3 days straight at his bedside. I'm glad that when i did leave and come back he had NOT passed away yet. The whole time i was gone from his bed side i was crying thinking he was gonna be gone when i came back....I wasn't away for more then 30 minutes, and thank god when i came back and he hadn't passed yet....I would have felt horrible! I really am glad i was there with him, in his last days....i wouldn't have it any other way.

Answer 7

I completely understand where your coming from! My father was being taking care of by hospice. I was with him the night before he died but didn't make it in time the morning he died. Seeing my father the night before he died i hadn't seen him since i was ten years old. Now i know he held on for me. To see me and hold my hand for one last time kept him going. I belive that's the only reason he lived as long as he did. Knowing that he held in there for me lets me know he did love me and being there for him one last time let him know i loved him too.

Answer 8

I think its natural to feel some guilt even though it would NOT be your fault at all. People feel guilty for things that they really can't help. The most important thing to keep in mind would be the fact you were there taking care of them for their last days, making them feel loved and comforted.

Answer 9

I wouldn't feel guilty. There is a distinct possiblity that this person chose to wait til they were alone to pass, so as not to upset family members. It's been known to happen. You can't choose when one is going to pass. Why feel guilty? You were THERE for them, period. Don't live with guilt over that! You were doing what the living do. Peace be with you..........:)

Answer 10

As a first reaction, yeah. It is one of those things. It takes a little time to get over it but I would understand that it would happen no matter what I or anyone else was doing.