I have feelings of suicide sometimes. When should I worry? I am too chicken I think to actually kill myself.

Question

Also, I have 3 kids who love me...I think...and it would kill my parents ......I couldn't do that to them either. I want to just drive off the face of the earth and never come back. Why do I feel that way? I just want to GO AWAY....and I don't want anyone to talk to me or contact me or be around me. I want to be ALONE. What is wrong? I used to be very outgoing and love people. I was put on Zoloft 6 years ago. I went to therapy for 3 months for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.....I loved it...it was daily and I was around people like me and I didn't want to leave the hospital everyday....I hated being dismissed. But the staff said they have to wean patients off......I am afraid one day I might not be too proud to end my life. Please give me some ideas to stop thinking this way. I am not obsessed with it....just occasionally think of suicide as an alternative to facing my problems and depression. I feel like it would benefit everyone whom I feel I have ruined their lives.

Answer 1

I somewhat know what you are going through...though I have not been diagnosed with anything, but that said I might have to to help me....anyway. I kindof understand what you mean, for example if I'm driving I sometimes consider what would happen if I drove to the other side into on-coming traffic, but I don't do it because I know that I might kill someone else in the process and I don't want mum to pick me out of a morgue.

That said, much like you, I don't have the gut to 'off my self off'. I find that talking to people who are kindof going through the same thing as you helps. I have a lesbian friend who is persecuted by everyone at school, she is teased by everyone and her life is hard enough as her parents are divorced, and she as tried committing suicide on many occasions, eventually she was sent to a doctors and treated. Now she knows that she DOES have friends and she wants to stay around for them so that won't feel bad if she ever dies.

I guess what stops me from commiting suicide is that I know that my life will get better in the end, I know that other people have it worse off then me but somehow they cope, and I know that I don't want anyone sad because of my death.

So for you, think about why you consider your life isn't worth living and then think about everyone else who may have it worse then you, and think about the strength they have inside of them. Admire their strength and try to be like them. The last thing you want to happen is leaving your family in grief and sadness...you don't want your family crying about you.

Pull through and everything will be fine in the end, that much I can promise you. When doors close many more will open.

Answer 2

I think every teenager goes through a period of their life where they feel there is nothing to live for. I have one thing to say to you, dear. Hold on. When you feel like you've reached your breaking point and that you can no longer live remember that you have many, many more years to live and you know that something WONDERFUL will happen. If your passions are photography and film--even though you believe you suck at it I would continue to enhance your skills and put all your time and energy into building up the confidence to say "Hey, I love photography and I WILL become a better photographer." Set some goals in your life and make a list of things that you've always wanted to do. Don't sit in your room and sulk and say "Well, I'll NEVER be able to do any of this..." Trust me, almost anything is possible if you set your mind to it. Also, just because you're 15 and never been kissed doesn't mean that you wont be. I think that it's more special to have your first kiss later in life so that you are mature enough to experience it. An 11 year old who gets their first kiss won't exactly know how to deal with it. But if you're 17 and you receive your first kiss, the waiting will be worth it. Don't feel embarrassed to say that you've never been kissed--a lot of people haven't been either and they're in their 20's Suicide is never the answer...you may feel that you're ending your life, but you're also breaking the hearts of people around you who care and love you so, so much.

Answer 3

I AM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU NOT TO KILL YOURSELF! It is up to you AND given the history that you have described, you know that there is a problem. The question is what are you going to do about it?

A very simple answer is: if you have suicidal thoughts call for help. There must be a help line that you can access. Suicide is a symptom of something more serious. It sounds like you suffer from depression as well as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You know how to get help and you know where to access it. The other thing you have to remember is that you are the best judge of how you feel and if medication helped you in the past you should think about going on it again. Perhaps you should go into a walk-in clinic and see if you can speak to someone.

REMEMBER: Suicide is one of the most selfish acts anyone can do. It is permanent and you cannot undue it if you really were uncertain.

Answer 4

If you are having thoughts of suicide, go and get help before you fall further. Suicide is not done because your a chicken and cant deal with life, don't count on a spiritual force to save you. you probably have a chemical imbalance of some kind in your brain. and that is a medical condition. just like you would treat heart disease, you need to treat this. You owe it to yourself to live the fullest life you possibly can. don't suffer. get help.

Answer 5

Try joining a group that will give you a similar sense of belonging as the group in the hospital. Sorry I do not know any I can hook you up with, but try checking for on-line chat groups or persons in a similar position or similar frame of mind. What you should be aware of is that there are many people like you out there. When I started to read it I immediately wondered if it was one of the persons I know. This is a difficult world, and I think the key is to realize that you are not alone, others share your pain and have similar views.
The kids and your parents will miss you dearly, this much is for certain.

Answer 6

You need to think about your 3 kids and the rest of your family before you do anything as selfish as suicide. Get the help that you need and don't be afraid to talk to others about your problems. Do things that you enjoy doing so it keeps you from thinking about suicide. That is never the answer to any problem and it wouldn't benefit anyone, no matter how you feel that you ruined their lives. You would only ruin theirs because they would feel like it was their fault and they could/should have helped you.

Answer 7

u r going thru court, case & divorce and custody of children, choosing between two men. About the welfare of the children.
Dilama. conflict, not able to decide, fear.burden. every problem has a solution, solution is not suicide. At 40 u need moral support. u r lacking in it. In the court u can say that ur depressions are due to divorce and fear of separtion with children. As long u love ur children and parents u will not go in for suicide. Do not live ur past, or future live in the present. u will feel better. remove conflict.

Answer 8

The only thing I can tell you is to nurture a relationship with God ( or whatever Higher Being you believe in) and pray for healing of your heart. I've been there, and all the medication in the world was nothing like having the comfort of knowing God was by me even when it seemed like the world had turned it's back on me. I pray that you will find that same comfort and peace. Best wishes and I'll pray for your deliverance.

Answer 9

First off, you haven't ruined anyones life. I am sure you are a great parent and if you think it would hurt your parents if you killed yourself, then obviously they love and care for you a great deal which shows you have been good for their lives too.

I think it's a good thing that you are reaching out here, and admitting there is something in your life that isn't quite right at the moment. If you want to be alone, and you think you can do it safely, it might be a good thing to take a little time for yourself. Is there a holiday cottage or somewhere you can visit? Take some books and music and just be by yourself for a few days. When you come back, do it with a fresh resolve to get back into life with a passion. Plan events with your friends, or make new ones if you have nobody with similar interests right now.

Depending on how old your kids are you might not have the time, but if they are older you could even think about volunteering. I used to spend a few hours a week volunteering for the Cancer Society and it really boosted my self worth to be doing something useful. I wasn't directly helping patients but the work I did on their computer system for donations was valuable, that's where my skills were and they were grateful to have me helping.

If you ever feel close to becoming suicidal, call a hotline. Check the phonebook now and make sure you have the numbers marked or in your diary, just in case. But it sounds like you will come through this low period with a little help. Good luck.

Answer 10

I think you are a normal stressed out, strung out mom. There are so many moms who feel this way and just don't talk about it. Doctors tend to medicate us, thinking we are depressed. Maybe we are some of the time, but I don't think it's always the answer.

I know I have personally had the same thoughts. Why not just quit instead of doing this? It's all too hard and frustrating. And luckily when I get to that point the first thing I think of is my 3 babies, and who would take care of them?? I also think that I am a chicken and wouldn't do it either. When I once got to a point that I thought I could take all the leftover prescriptions we had in the house, I had my husband take them all and throw them away at a public trash can so it wouldn't ever be an option.

Keep your head up, see a psychologist for some talk therapy (find one that is a mom too!) Get out of the house!!! Not just to go to the grocery store by yourself, I used to try and use that, lol. Join an exercise class or painting class or volunteer. If you have the luxury of babysitters, get one and get on a vacation!

And if the psychologist recommends meds don't be totally against it. Or try herbal therapies like fish oil, or st. johns wort to help boost your mood. It also helps me to remind myself that there are millions of people in the world who have it a lot harder than I ever will. Good luck dear, there are others out there just like you. :)

Answer 11

Ok honey, Here's the deal. You don't want to die, you just don't want to keep living the way you are now. Hold on to that truth when you think about suicide because when you put it in that perspective it will empower you to do something about it. Remember that not wanting to live is NOT the same as wanting to die. You don't want to hurt your children, you don't want to hurt your parents. You just don't want to live the way you do now, to feel the way you do now. Change the way you feel now. It's hard, but it's the only way.
As for when to worry, when you plan how you're going to do it. And one other thing. Right now (seriously now) go program the local sucide hotline into your phones speed dial, and if you have these thoughts in any seriousness call that number. Do it for your children and for your parents.