in front of his parents...I feel like he is an image consultant...I am a professional female, but because of my sleek figure, I wear a lot of extremely form-fitting clothes (tight) all the time..to work it is tight suits...and for play it is tight jeans, tight sweats etc...he refuses to allow me to wear ANY of these outfits in front of his parents...he went so far as to buy me some outfits to wear when we visit them....and he absolutely forbids me to smoke or even let them know I smoke when I am around them...He will not even let me carry my cigarettes in my purse when we are with his parents because he is afraid I will be tempted..All of this is driving me crazy..I do not feel comfortable in the clothes he bought me, and i go crazy without a smoke for long periods of time...The tight outfits and Marlboro Lights are me...and without them I am lost..I do not want to change my outfits or stop smoking..what should I do...he feels the tight outfits and cigarettes will send the wrong messag
2006-09-27 02:13:29 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
get out ! now ! while you can........
don;t take that crap from any man..........
I am woman hear me roar ............
2006-09-27 02:15:01 · answer #1 · answered by rottentothecore 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All relationships require some amount of compromising and changing; that is normal. However, you have to be who you are. If you are not comfortable with the compromises and changes that he expects from you, you have to tell him so. You need to sit down with him in a setting that is non-threatening for either of you and explain to him that you are not comfortable with the cloths that he wants you to wear nor going without your cigarettes for any extended period of time. First of all, if you are a smoker, his parents are going to know anyway. That smell is not something that is easy to hide, no matter what cloths you are wearing. But also because he is supposed to love you for who you are, not what he wants you to be. If he does not want a smoker who is comfortable in tight fitting cloths, he needs to find someone else who fits that bill. If he loves you, he needs to let you be you and be happy about it. If he still refuses to allow you to be who you are, then you seriously need to consider whether or not you can be happy in a relationship with someone who will be controlling everything.
2006-09-27 02:31:34 · answer #2 · answered by Dragonlair 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend has got his screws right. Ever realize how tough it can be to live with parents who have "high morals". Last thing you want to do is upset them. He loves you enough not to want you to get into their bad books.
Besides, you shouldn't be smoking anyways.
If what you wear and whether you smoke is your definition of "being yourself", you've got a long way to go. Any relationship requires compromise. If you can't (and on such trivial things) get out. Your boyfriend will find someone who is more "obedient". But you might just want to give "him" a chance and see. He sounds like an alright guy.
2006-09-27 02:42:22 · answer #3 · answered by blind_chameleon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy is a control freak who will ruin your life.
Just wait until he starts beating you!
Trust me, it will happen eventually.
They never change except to get worse.
There is a huge difference between being loved and being owned. This creep thinks he owns you.
Get out before he trashes your whole life.
Just let me guess at something: I'll bet he is quite handsome and has a gift of gab; a real charmer, right?
It is part of the abuser stereotype, in case you didn't know.
2006-09-27 02:26:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He controls you because you allow yourself to be controlled. This is because you are a person who is easily manipulated, which is obvious when you need to use an advertised brand name with which to identify yourself ("Malboro Lights are me.") So, first, it was the "Big Tobacco" company that manipulated and controlled you to become slave to their product through advertising and product placement; now it's your boyfriend.
The solution to this problem is within you to be found, but you have not yet looked within. Why is this? Are you afraid of who you are? That people might not like the real you? It's time for you to take back control of your own life, and be who you really are.
2006-09-27 03:19:47 · answer #5 · answered by digitalquirk 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do seem to be in a bit of a pinch. Here is what I suggest, go to him and simply state in no uncertain terms that you are yourself and that if he wishes to continue your relationship he will not try to create a false you. He should accept the fact that he cares about you and will disregard the opinions of his parents. If for some odd reason he does not just walk away.
2006-09-27 05:13:11 · answer #6 · answered by You Ask & I Answer!!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to grow up and be a confident man and then things will slowly change in his favor, until then he is barking up a very large tree that is thousand of years in the making and if he tries to change it then it will come back and bite him in the end and then no-one wins. I am speaking from experience, now I love to have my girl be whoever she wants to be if he wants someone unlike you then he needs to go looking and you need to leave him.
2006-09-27 10:53:57 · answer #7 · answered by BA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have an abuseive relationship and it will only get worse. If you have to hide to impress the parents this isn't going anywhere and it will only get worse.
Cut your losses while you still can
2006-09-27 02:22:56 · answer #8 · answered by ML 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You looked this way when he met you.....this is who you are...
sounds like it's time for you assert yourself(get some balls).
If you continue your relationship with this man and your charade
with his parents, you will be the loser...when they find the true you they will fault you and not him....so either way you lose...
TIME TO TAKE A STAND...
2006-09-30 02:29:33 · answer #9 · answered by RiverRat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all. talk to him tell him know what you like and you dont like.
If he loves you he will Listen to you if he dont, he will dump you.
If He will, then better to lose him now than you having him and losing your identity.
Well 40,000 people died because of cigarrete smoking, but 4 million are doing just fine..
2006-09-27 02:43:13 · answer #10 · answered by Warhorse X 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a hypocrite. He must like your sexy look, but he's ashamed of it in certain circles (family). If he really loved YOU, he would not ask you to change for appearance's sake. I would break up with him if he refuses to stop this.
2006-09-27 02:24:30 · answer #11 · answered by TigerLilly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋