My boyfreind is controlling me..help! I have seen others with this problem...my boyfriend will not be myself?

Question

in front of his parents...I feel like he is an image consultant...I am a professional female, but because of my sleek figure, I wear a lot of extremely form-fitting clothes (tight) all the time..to work it is tight suits...and for play it is tight jeans, tight sweats etc...he refuses to allow me to wear ANY of these outfits in front of his parents...he went so far as to buy me some outfits to wear when we visit them....and he absolutely forbids me to smoke or even let them know I smoke when I am around them...He will not even let me carry my cigarettes in my purse when we are with his parents because he is afraid I will be tempted..All of this is driving me crazy..I do not feel comfortable in the clothes he bought me, and i go crazy without a smoke for long periods of time...The tight outfits and Marlboro Lights are me...and without them I am lost..I do not want to change my outfits or stop smoking..what should I do...he feels the tight outfits and cigarettes will send the wrong messag

Answer 1

The best thing to do here is to end the relationship. This is how he is, and he'll always continue like this. Obviously, you don't like being controlled, so why stay with a guy who controls you?

Even though it may seem like he only has a problem with you looking "respectable" to his parents, he sure handled it wrong.
He handled it in a completely disrespectful manner. Denying you your cigarettes and your way of dress is denying you to be you.
In fact, he sounds like he has some deep issues. Why is he that frantic for you to look conservative in front of his parents? I think he's overblown the situation, and should have looked for a compromise respectfully.

A guy like him will continue to get worse.

Answer 2

By forbidding you to wear tight fitting clothing it is sending a message. but not a good message. In a professional business you have to war the attire that is appropriate for the professional look.

Smoking is a very bad habit and will cause you to receive a sick ness [lung cancer].Maybe he hasn't told his parents that you smoke, and you didn't it to be revealed in the presence of the parents. The boyfriend is merely respecting hs parents.

Answer 3

Well actually I think yo b/f has got a point, i mean dont u love him? all he wants is for u to make a good impression on his parents so that they can like u, and respect u, that's all he wants and are u sayin' u cant make a few compromises for him? Relationships are all about compromising sweetie, and it's really not that big a deal to dress more conservative and not smoke jus when ur around the parents, come on cut him some slack, he's not tryna control u, but make u presentable, in front of his parents.

Answer 4

Mindy,
I feel compelled to answer your question, Because I have been where you are right now. and I have to tell you my relationship did not end well..!! I have to say that any man that tries to control you,
Is not worth being in your life... Because the issue is with him,
( not with you...) If he is controlling , then there is an insecurity with himself, And the way his parents think of him and his relationships. He and his parents absolutely need to except you for you....... Tell him how you feel about him trying to change you.
tell him how you fel and that you are not comfortable with the way things are heading .. Maybe his parents won't even care if you are A smoker. Boy friends or husbands should never try to change there mate. If talking to him or his parents about it doesn't change the situation. If you haven't been with him for very long, GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP FAST... Control turns into more control and more control, until eventually you don't even recognize who you are anymore.... You deserve more respect and acceptance for who you are..... If you can't talk it out ,, Then get out...... Good luck.

Answer 5

I can understand his not wanting to offend his parents BUT there has to be a balance. You smoke, they don't...no smoking in their house or in close quarters - FINE!!! But they need to know you smoke!!!!!

Clothes too tight, a bit too sexy? Can YOU choose less revealing clothes that YOU feel still fit your style? Maybe a longer blouse that covers your bum under your tight jeans (the top can be form fitting).

If there is NO compromise to be made on either side, its time to reevaluate your relationship.

Answer 6

You better trust him because if he acts like that for his parents (and maybe for your good too), there must be some bad conclusion if you DID wear those tight stuff and told them you smoke. And, if your tired of it, just tell him or just don't visit his parents a lot. Good luck

Answer 7

I don't think it is controlling for him not to want you to smoke or dress slutty in front of his parents. It is not like he is telling you what to wear any other time, who you can and can't see etc.

Obviously his parents are conservative and he doesn't want to upset them. How about giving your boyfriend some slack on this issue.

Answer 8

I know you know what to do, and if you read your problem over, that you want us to answer you know what you have to do. One thing I do have to say is, This is just a start, It is going to get worst, it will be one thing after another. Think long and hard, is this the type of life, you want to live, have someone to say do, this and do that, it is like you do not have a mind of your own. Be smart and move on.

Answer 9

Try taking off his remote control. They have too much practice and too many gadgets to play with. Try small steps first e.g throw him a pilchard every time he stops pressing your button (like they do in the penguin pen!)

Answer 10

If he can't come to grips with who you are, and let his parents me the real you...something is wrong. Maybe he is just trying to impress the parents. Or maybe he feels that your just not what the parents would like for him to be dating.