I don't want my kindergartener to be held back, how do I help him?

Question

We had Parent's Night at my son's kindergarten school and his teacher said that he will probably have to repeat kindergarten. I knew my son would be behind because he didn't attend pre-k and we moved a lot when he was younger, so he kept switching schools, but I had no idea that it was this bad. At his school, the teacher can recommend that he be held back, but for kindergarten I have the final say. My reasoning is that it is only September and he can catch up. I have started working with him intensely at home and he's picking things up quickly, so I think that he will be caught up by next August when first grade starts. I know the problem is not that he is a slower learner than others, he just hasn't been taught. I need some suggestions on what type of programs are really effective with his age group. If he doesn't have the skills, I won't push him up to first grade; however, I won't concede to that option this early in the year without doing everything I can to catch him up.

In response to one of the questions, his birthday is August 21st, ten days before the Sept. 1st deadline. That is another reason that his teacher is recommending that he stay behind next year.

I know some people say that it's best to do it this year, so that he doesn't get held back next year and miss his friends. But he has several friends from inside and outside the school who are in kindergarten with him, and I know that would cause him problems with his self-esteem. Although kids are pretty resilient, I think my best option is to work with him for the next 10.5 months and get him ready for first grade.

As far as social and developmental skills are concerned, he's on the same level with the other kids. He's one of those kids that everyone loves. The teacher told me that some of the other students come and help him and make sure he is doing fine. (Which can be positive and negative.) He does have a problem sitting still. He previously was infatuated with the "Men": X-Men, Spiderman, Superman... until I got rid of those DVDs and got him hooked up with educational things, but it is still ingrained in him i.e. he just broke his arm because he decided to do a backflip off of the top of a six foot fence like Spiderman can do. But he does follow directions, and i am working with him on that by giving him activity sheets and telling him to put an x on the mouse, a square on the cheese, a circle on the rhino, and a heart on the flower. He doesn't always get it right, but he's starting to concentrate harder when he is given directions so that he can remember them all.

In the teacher's defense, it is her second year teaching, so that might play a part in her early diagnosis.

Answer 1

You should thank the teacher.
If your son isn't ready to advance to the next grade level, keep him in kindergarten most teachers take the easy way out and promote kids that just aren't ready.

This isn't a bad thing, its better that he be held back (if recommended) then he struggle through school his whole life.

However, the teacher should know some programs that will help him now and maybe catch him up.

Answer 2

It is only September and I do agree that it is too soon to tell. By mid-year you and the teacher should have a better idea of his capabilities. But if you find by the end of the year that the teacher still feels this way, first make sure you know and understand all the reasons behind it. Second, remember that it is in your child's best interest, not a punishment. Third, realize that if he does stay back, it will be a lot easier for him now in Kindergarten than it would be in third or fourth grade when problems could really catch up with him and cause frustration, low self-esteem and a stigma.
Finally, know that it is not your fault. Many kids stay back at this level for many reasons. In his case it was from having to switch schools, some are just too immature (those whose b'day was very close to the cut off date, others have focus difficulties (ADHD or other LD). Some parents now are deciding to keep their kids home an extra year because of maturity issues.
Good luck - I hope everything works well with your son.

Answer 3

If your son attends a full time kindergarten class I would tell the teacher that recommendation is unacceptable. She has a whole school year to make a plan for your son and get him where he needs to be. If she isn't willing to work with you to do that then she has a big issue and it needs to be brought up at the school board.

If he only attends a part time kindergarten try seeing what other programs you can get him into for the other part of the day. Make sure what ever it is they are willing to help work with you and the teacher.

There are special education funds available to help kids like your son. Ask people if they know advocates in your area.

Also sit with the teacher again in the mean time and draw-write out a real plan for your son (IEP). If he isn't progressing over the year then they should consider keeping him back. But the teach should not give up on your son the first month!

Answer 4

I agree with you that he can probably catch up still! It's a little too soon for a kindergarten teacher to suggest holding him back already! They really don't learn a whole lot in kindergarten but an extra hour at home would help alot! Flash cards are the best. Make sure he knows the alphabet and can recognize letters quickly. Make sure he can spell his name and write it neatly. He should be able to count to 100 (flash cards help again). Introduce a new word every day and try to use it throughout the year. LeapFrog has excellent learning products, check them out. Also, make sure he watches only educational televison like Seaseme Street (no Sponge Bob or other goofy kids' shows). Finally, make sure he has a regular early bedtime and gets a good nights rest. A well rested child is much more apt to learn things. Good luck. Don't hold him back, just work with him.

Answer 5

Do not hold him back. My twins were held back and resent it now. Other kids tease them making school hard socially. They have been labeled the dumb kids. If I had the choice again I would not hold them back. They will both be 19 early on in their senior year of High School. Won't that be fun. I looked for tutoring for them it was not available in our little town unless they were part native American. I bought hooked on phonics (a waste of $350.00) It still angers me that somehow teachers already know in September how students will be progressing next May. Why do we have children flunking higher grades if that is so. My boys also spent a year in a special ed class that was a waste of a year in their lives and that teacher no longer has a class. Bush enacted the no child left behind act look into that program for options, take your son to the library everyday, and read to him. Go and spend a few days sitting in his class and if you are able to, be a parent volunteer, if only for the year he is in kindergarten. And don't think teachers know everything they don't know your son as well as you do. Good luck.

Answer 6

Wow...most teacher's wouldn't suggest this unless she has a really good reason. Working with him extensively at home is wonderful, but it's a lot for a little guy to do. I'd limit the time spent on structured learning. I'd have him tested for learning disabilities as well. In the mean time, find out what the expectations are of a kindergartner. Counting practise can be done on walks (count the steps), books (pages), cars when playing etc. Letters and colours on place mats are great cues that can be practised at meal times. Hopefully, he can catch up, and if not, kindergarten is the time to hold back instead of later when their peer group is established. See what other programs are available in your community at the library, YMCA, etc. Try to keep in touch with the teacher and find out weaknesses and strengths. Good Luck!!

Answer 7

Its too early in the year for them to decide he needs to be held back. Unless there were medical problems, or severe learning difficulties its just too early to tell how he's going to progress for the rest of the year.

This is why iam a firm believer that teaching your toddler at home can never be replaced by preschools. Parents should be more active in teaching their kids what they need to enter kindergarten.

We moved four times before my baby brother started school. He's never failed a grade, and never attended any form of preschool or daycare. My mother taught him kindergarten, He's currently starting high school and is still a grade ahead of everyone else.

My younger brother is 16 and graduating next year. He also never went to any kind of preschool. He's post collegiate in almost all his subjects.

Ive been to a dozen schools in my life, often never finishing a grade in the same school, i started school the day after my fifth birthday, home school myself through half of high school, and graduated at 16, I also never attended preschool, or day care.

Moving and preschool have nothing to do with it. His teacher should be pointing out where his problem areas are to you, so that you can booster him up at home. Parents teach their kids how to learn. All kids are capable of learning everything they need, parents find how best their children learn, and teach them other ways of understanding information provided.

Kids naturally want to learn, and are constantly storing information. This age doesnt really require a formal setting for learning, a careful parent can use the events of the day as learning opportunities.

If he should repeat the grade, it is much better that he do it now than in a higher grade. But I honestly think its a cop out on the part of teacers, schools, and parents for a child to 'fail' a grade. The child doesnt fail. The system for teaching him does.

It sounds like you're doing a fantastic job with him at home now that your teacher has pointed things out to you. I would keep in touch with her every other week, or atleast once a month, to evaluate his progress in the class room.

Answer 8

Is the problem that he is behind academically? Or is it that he has other skills to learn -- such as how to play with other kids, share, resolve conflicts. Also, is he able to control himself, be patient enough to participate in group activities? Can he pay attention while the teacher reads a story? Can he follow simple instructions? It would seem odd that the teacher would have a problem with his intellectual capabilities at this point -- you're right, it's way too early to tell. I think that most important at this age is that he has the developmental and social skills necessary to participate in class. Good luck, it's a tough situation.

Answer 9

First of all, you are right...how can the teacher know this early on that your child will need to be helled back...I think that is a load of crap and a direct reflection of her laziness not to give your child some additional attention and/or additional assignments to get his skills up to par.

However, how old is your son... I know mine won't even be able to start Kindergarten until he's five turning six in November...so he'll be older than most of his class through out his school years... if your son has just turned five...and they end up holding him back...don't sweat it...boys are a lot more immature than girls and I've heard from middle school and high school teachers that boys who are older do better academically because their maturity level is higher than the older kids...so...in the long run it may not be too bad...

Answer 10

My son was born August 12 (just before the cut off as well) he didn't go to Pre - k either. I am able to keep in contact with my teacher via e-mail and she keeps me up to date with what he is struggling on. I went out and bought some learning books as well "Learning for Early Learning" they have them for pre-K , K and up. When he gets home from school, I will sit down and go over paper work with him. I will also go threw those books with him. He had learned a lot from those books.
My son was was also having problems reading colors. We made fun games to have him remember the colors. He is still struggling, but the teacher will always comment that they will test him on something that he wasn't doing good with, and he will do great the next day.